She slips an arm around my back and pulls me close so my shoulder is pressed to hers. “What is it, sweetie?”
“You were right. About everything.” I crack like a glow stick, and the truth comes pouring out. The whole luminescent mess of it. Austin and I bickering all season. Stolen kisses in the stacks. Hooking up on the DL. Dinner with Dad. Austin’s broken promise. The fight that followed. “Austin’s just like Dad. The game will always come first.”
I’m so relieved to get it all out, it’s like I can breathe for the first time in days.
“Oh, Kennedy.” Mom brushes my hair back from my face with her fingertips. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? You’ve been so distant, but I chalked it up to a busy schedule.”
I chew my bottom lip. “I was afraid to tell you. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”
“I could never be disappointed in you,” she says, her words a balm to my aching heart. “If anything, I’m disappointed in myself. I’ve made you so wary of football players, passing my bias and bad experiences on to you without a thought for how that might affect your view of love and relationships. The truth is, your father’s shortcomings have nothing to do with his profession and everything to do with being weak and selfish. It was just easier to make it about the game because that’s what he loved most.” She sighs and strokes my hair again. “I put too much of my own baggage on you, treating you like my best friend instead of my daughter. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. You were a single mom. You did the best you could.” I sniff and give her a squeeze. “Besides, you are my best friend.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t make mistakes. I leaned on you too much.” She turns her body so she’s facing me, a smile curving her lips. “But you’re so much brighter and smarter than I ever was. Much more levelheaded too. If you fell in love with this boy, he must have some redeeming qualities.”
I pull back, shock rippling through my body. “What makes you think I’m in love with him?”
She smiles, and it’s one of these annoying, knowing smiles. “The way your face lights up when you say his name. The wistful tone of your voice when you talk about him. The way you’re trying to hide your pain even though it’s written plain as day on your face.”
Well, hell. Am I always this transparent? I only just figured it out myself.
“Are you saying I should give Austin another chance?” I ask tentatively, uncertain which answer I want to hear.
“I’m saying you know him best. Only you can decide if he deserves a second chance.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but from where I’m sitting, it sounds like he cares about you very much. He risked a lot to be with you and although I don’t condone the two of you sneaking around against Coach’s or my wishes, I admit it was an unfair ask on my part. I never should have put you in a position where you didn’t feel you could come to me, whether it was about your father or anything else. I’m so sorry for the pain your father’s caused you, and I’m glad Austin was by your side, but I will always be here for you, Kennedy. Always.” She says the last part with force, gripping my hands in hers as if she can will me to understand and keep this sentiment close to my heart.
There’s a sob building at the back of my throat, and I’m afraid if I speak, it’ll break free. So I hug her, squeezing her tight and burying my face in her hair like I did when I was young. She smells like lavender and lemongrass, a scent I’ll always associate with home, no matter how old I get.
Several minutes pass before I can bring myself to let her go. I want to stay here all day, wrapped in the comfort of her arms, but I’m an adult and, broken heart or not, I have responsibilities. “We should probably get going. I don’t want to be late for the finals.”
We stand and she cups my cheek. “You’re so young and you’re faced with pressures my generation never had to endure. The world’s not the same as it was twenty years ago. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know you have to give yourself the space to make mistakes and learn from them. Austin too. I tried so hard to protect you from making the same mistakes I did, I nearly took that experience away from you. None of us is perfect, Kennedy. Not me. Not you. Not Austin. But no matter what happens today, I am so proud of you, and I will always love you.”
I watch her retreat and flop back down on the bed, her words replaying in my head.
I love Austin. With all my heart.
He’s taught me it’s not a weakness to ask for help. He makes me feel special in a way no one else ever has, with his boundless faith in my abilities and his appreciation of my so-called nerd power. And the way he worships my body? That doesn’t exactly hurt either. But…can I forgive him? God knows we’ve both made plenty of mistakes, but have we learned from them?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Austin
I may have fucked up my relationship with Kennedy, but if football’s taught me anything, it’s endurance. No way am I going to let her eject me for a personal foul. I’m going to fix this, no matter what it
