Funny enough, I’ve been enjoying it this whole time, simply because he is with me.
I take the hand he offers and hesitantly sit on the slat of wood, testing my weight bit by bit. There is a moment when I expect the roof to rip off or for the rope to snap, sending us both crashing to the ground.
“See?” he says, his grin widening.
“It’s perfect,” I murmur, still in a giddy daze over this silly swing that he went out of his way to try to make me happy.
We sit in silence for a few moments, the sounds of birds chirping and laughter from someone somewhere in the camp filtering through the trees. I have wine in my hand, a swing beneath me, a breeze on my face, and him beside me.
I don’t care what happens with Heather because this—right here, right now—is all worth it.
“We all have fears, you know?” Slade says somberly.
“What is it, Slade?” I ask, linking my fingers with his.
“I talk a good game about you sucking it up and confronting Heather, but it’s only fair to admit that we all have our own fears when it comes to our jobs. We all have our own insecurities when it comes to our actions. It was bullshit of me to call you out about yours when I haven’t given you enough of me to do the same.”
For the first time since meeting Slade, I see doubt or discord or something I can’t quite read in his eyes. It’s a vulnerability that is as attractive as it is surprising.
“You’ve given me more than enough.” I smile, but thoughts of the phone call I interrupted the other day ghost through my mind, and I’m left wondering what exactly it is that Slade has to fear. Prisha mentioned he had been suspended, but she said it so nonchalantly, that I assumed it wasn’t anything major. Maybe it was. Maybe there is so much more going on beneath the surface with Slade but he hides it under the guise of being so happy go lucky. How is that I’ve been so self-centered that I never even thought to ask him more about it? “Prisha told me you had been suspended.” I’m not sure what I expect in reaction, but him nodding ever so slightly is not it. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He looks out at the lake in the distance, blows out a heavy sigh, and runs his fingers through his hair. “Her name is Ivy,” he says, voice low and full of regret. “I was just coming off an emergency surgery I was called in for. Routine shit but urgent nonetheless. The ER was slammed that night—full moon or some shit—when she came in. I was walking through when an attending called out for help, saying he needed cardio STAT because they’d had to revive her in the ambulance on the way in.” He pauses, and there is so much pain in his face that my stomach clenches over whatever it is he’s going to say next. “She had been destroyed, Blakely.” His voice breaks, and every part of me wants to reach out and hold him.
“I’m so sorry.” It’s stupid and does nothing to fix it, but it’s all I can think to say.
“She was this little girl who had been beaten within an inch of her life, and I froze. All the years of training I went through flew out the window.”
“You’re human.”
He emits a snort. “Yeah, well, when her dad came barreling in with his crisp dress shirt and expensive watch like some elite asshole, he claimed she fell down the stairs and demanded that I do my job and save his little girl. Shit, I took one look at the blood and bruises on his knuckles, and I knew. I knew he was the one who’d hurt her, and if I hadn’t, her sudden cry when she saw him and the way she gripped my hand would have told me. And that gasp? God, Blakely, it will forever be etched in my mind. Total fear and helplessness and—shit. Just fucking brutal. But not more brutal than what he did to her.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“Let’s just say he didn’t want her to say anything.” He gives a laugh but it’s self-deprecating at best. “I refused to leave her alone with that fucker. I told him he couldn’t be in with her while I worked on her. And I swear when he leaned over to whisper something in her ear, he threatened her. Her eyes grew so huge and her chin quivered as she held back tears. I shoved him out of the room. I was busy fighting him to keep him away from his own daughter when she slipped into a coma.” His voice is barely audible. “There I was, reacting to him and betraying the one principle I’m supposed to live by, do no harm.”
“I don’t understand. You were trying to make her safe.”
“I was her doctor, and instead of checking her for a brain bleed like I should have been doing, I was busy provoking him.”
“You can’t blame yourself for a natural reaction.”
“But that’s my job, Blakely. That’s the oath I took. I reacted to the outside when all I should have been focused on was the inside. I let my emotions get the better of me when I should have been one hundred percent focused on Ivy. I lost minutes to him, minutes that could have meant assessing her injuries and saving her from further damage.”
I scoot closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. “No one would blame you for your reaction, but I understand why you feel how you do.” I press a kiss to his shoulder and then rest my chin there as I stare at his profile. The strong nose and thick
