“I… I’ve always dreamed about what it would be like to have an actual relationship with a person like me. Well, not like me, but my other half. A real D/s relationship, not just sex. Every day, not just at the club,” I tell him, and he meets my eyes again.
“How so? If it’s not sex, what else is there when it comes to Doms and subs?” he asks, looking intrigued.
I lick my lips, and his eyes follow the movement. “I’m not just a submissive in bed, Nathaniel. It’s… it’s who I am as a person. It’s the very core of me. To be in a D/s committed relationship would be… a dream. But I’ve never met anyone who made me feel anything… inside. I mean, yes, physical pleasure. But I never connected with someone who I felt could be my other half outside of sex.” I refrain from telling him that I felt all those feelings and more last night and this morning, when he seemed to be able to read my mind, to know what I wanted and needed before I even thought about it.
“I know what you mean.” His brow furrows as he stares off, not seeming to see the room around us. “It’s like that emptiness I felt even right after having sex, like there was a huge part missing and the physical part did nothing to make up for it.” And then his eyes meet mine. “Until I finally got to have you,” he murmurs, saying exactly what I’d kept hidden.
I bite my lip, unsure what to say. It all seems way too fast and under terrible circumstances to tell him what I’m really feeling. He could hurt me in so many ways, not just my career and reputation, not just the potential loss of my membership, but he could break my heart. And I don’t know if I could come back from that after how long and how much work it took to regain some semblance of myself after losing the only other people in my life I ever loved.
“It can’t just be me feeling this way, Evie,” he says low. “There’s nothing you could say to convince me that last night was just like any other night you have at that club.” His nostrils flare, and his hand tightens a little more on my hair.
I can’t lie to him. No matter how badly I want to protect myself and all this man could destroy, I cannot look him in the eye when he’s made himself this vulnerable and lie to his face about what I’m feeling.
“It’s not just you, Nate,” I whisper, and for some reason, tears spring to my eyes. My chin wobbles, and his image gets blurry. “It’s not. And that scares the hell out of me, because you could ruin me. You could ruin my life after I’ve worked so hard to become happy again after I lost everything.” A sob leaves me, and I squeeze my eyes shut and try to turn my face into his neck to hide.
Chapter 13
Nate
Her confession is like a defibrillator to my heart, shocking me to life. I flip us easily, and I stare down into her eyes swimming with tears, her little nose turning red along with her cheeks. She tries to look away, but I hold her tight, not allowing her to hide.
“I’m an idiot. I’m just a stupid guy who’s never had to care about anyone else’s feelings but my own. I get anything I want because of who I am, and even when someone doesn’t want to give me something I want, I always find a way to get it out of them,” I tell her, the words coming out in a rush, and she sniffles.
“But I am my parents’ child, and they are good people. I swear I’m not all bad.” I shift between her thighs, trying to calm the erection that sprang to life just from being pressed against her. “I know everything I’ve done to you, said to you, teased you about all year has taught you nothing but the contrary, but I swear on my life I’d never do anything to hurt you, Evie. And I’d hurt anyone else who even thought to try,” I growl, and her eyes widen.
“Nath—”
“No. I’m serious. Think about it. All those lazy fucks at school who come into your library and leave it looking like shit—it’s me who fixes their mess, just so you don’t have to,” I tell her.
She blinks. “I thought it was just part of your—”
“My OCD? No. My OCD only dictates my tidiness, my own messes, my own order. Have you ever seen me straightening Trenton’s pencils and books when he’s sitting beside me in study hall?”
“Well, no, but—”
“And have you ever seen me tucking in people’s shirts or fixing their ties?”
“Also no—”
“That’s because that shit doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is them coming in there and forcing my woman to take care of them, when she should be focusing on pleasing me!” I growl ferociously, unable to keep my emotions in check, my breaths now sawing in and out of my lungs as the rage I feel causes the edges of my vision to vignette.
I don’t know how long I stay like that, the anger radiating throughout my entire body. I can’t get the unwanted, intrusive thoughts out of my head that my OCD causes to play on repeat, as I imagine people hurting Evelyn—physically causing her pain, fucking with her emotions, bringing her unnecessary stress. I’m stuck in the cycle, the uncontrollable thoughts repeating, repeating, over and over, making me angrier every time the reel starts over, making me want to screa—
“Your woman?” I hear Evie’s voice in the distance. “This whole time, you’ve thought of me as your woman?”
The moment her palm cups my jaw, the repetitive thoughts stop on a dime, not even fading into
