“Damn, Evvie,” he laughs. But then he closes his eyes, and the pleasure he’s feeling is obvious. Evening darkens the sky, and the storm ain’t helpin’. Soon we’re movin’ through each other almost in complete darkness with occasional lightning guiding us. I know him well now, and this is usually his moment, so I brace for it.
But not yet. He sits up and kisses my half-covered breasts and looks into my eyes, still rockin’ slowly. And now I can feel my moment coming, and he joins me. I don’t know how, but he does, and it’s all said and done at the exact same time.
He falls backward on the floor, and I kiss his cheek and lay my head on his chest. I know it’s undignified to talk about the sex you just had, but I really wanna tell somebody about this one!
We rest a bit. I mean, we kinda have to.
“When are you going to Chicago?” I ask after a while.
He plays with my hair, wrapping it around his fingers.
“I don’t know,” he says. “We’ll figure it out eventually.”
I bite my lip, afraid of what I’m about to say.
“You should go soon.”
“Why?”
“So you don’t miss your chance.”
“I won’t,” he says softly.
We listen to the rain. The thunder is faint now.
“If you did decide to go now… I’d go with you,” I tell him.
The steady up and down of his chest under me stops.
“No, you wouldn’t,” he says.
“Yes, I would.”
He raises himself up so I have to move. “No, you wouldn’t, because I wouldn’t let you.”
“Why? What difference would it make?”
“A helluva difference!”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
“Stop it, Evvie. You’re finishin’ school and gettin’ your diploma.”
“Don’t tell me what to do!”
I cross my arms and come perilously close to throwin’ a tantrum. Shit. Grammie Atti’s right: I do have a li’l impatient girl inside me with a bad temper.
I hate this. Yeah, I want to get my diploma, and yeah, I might even dream about college someday. But not like this. If he stays in town because of me, he’s liable to vegetate, and he’ll probably wind up hatin’ me. If he goes now without me, I’ll wanna die every day I have to spend without him. Might sound like I’m bein’ dramatic, but I’m not.
“Evvie? Don’t worry about it, okay? Baby? We’ll work it out.”
By now it’s too dark to see each other’s face, so he lights some candles. I look at him, and the smile on his face is so sad that I immediately think about his song. “Evalene.” The piece he named after me. And then I understand that this is what it’s about. Having this extraordinary talent and urge to go and feeling stuck all because of…
I get up. I pull on my top and my skirt.
“Please don’t get upset,” he says to me.
“I can’t help it! You might be the next Miles Davis and, what? You’re just gonna stay in this stupid town like a bum cuz your stupid girl has another year a high school left? I don’t wanna hold you back.”
He grabs my face hard and kisses me. I try to pull free to keep arguing, but he just kisses me again.
“Quit it, Clay.”
“I want you to have the best chance you can in life, and that means gettin’ an education.”
“But if it wasn’t for me, you’d go tomorrow, wouldn’t you?”
“Well…” He clears his throat before continuing. “It’s hard to say. I mean—who knows? I might already be there,” he mumbles.
A painful thought slaps me across my face.
“Maybe you really wanna go on your own anyway. I’m sure they got some swell girls up in Chicago.”
Clay cuts his eyes at me.
“Don’t you do that,” he snaps. “Don’t make me prove I love you when you know I do. That’s beneath you.”
I feel like I just got scolded by a teacher. I walk over to the window. I can’t always think straight when I’m too close to him.
“First you wanna take me to Chicago. Now you want me to stay in school. But if you could be, you’d be in Chicago right now. Forgive me, but all I’m hearin’ are contradictions.”
“Sorry I’m not perfect,” he spits.
“Me too!”
We stare at each other for a second, and I think he wants to laugh, but I look away. Not in the mood.
“Why are you so worked up about this?” he asks.
I stare out the window at the rain as it tapers off. I can almost hear Mama callin’ me right now. Silently sayin’ Let him go, Evvie. Let him go.
“A year is a long time,” I say. “It ain’t forever, though. You should go. Without me. Then—” I pause to choke back my tears. “If you still want me to come up after I graduate, I’ll come then. We’ll write letters. It’ll be like you’re overseas in a war. We’ll keep in touch, and if you need to move on? I’ll understand,” I finish.
I remove my eyes from the rain and turn to Clay. He looks at me like I just tore his heart out. I run over and snuggle next to him.
“I know we can do it. Stay together. We’d just have to be strong, I think,” I say.
“I don’t think I’d survive up there without you.”
“So…? Do you wanna—I don’t know—marry me eventually?”
He lifts my chin to force me to make eye contact with him.
“Are you proposing to me?”
I sigh and shrug. “I guess.”
“My heavens, this is so sudden,” he says in the high-pitched voice of a southern belle, teasing me.
“Stop makin’ jokes. I’m being serious.”
He drops the silliness. “You know my answer.”
I lean against him, and he wraps his arm around me. “Well. You said it. In a way. So we got a spoken agreement now. Don’t forget it.”
“Never,” he says, and he kisses my forehead, and without any warning, I start to cry. Harder
