I open it carefully, cuz the wrap is so pretty. I expect them to rush me, but nobody does. I remove the last of the paper and look at the box. And for a second, I ask myself am I havin’ a dream-vision again?
“Do you like it?” Anne Marie asks cautiously.
This ain’t a dream. This is real. I’m holding my very own Tasco-brand telescope in my hands. Something I never thought I’d do.
“When—? How did you—?” I can’t make sentences.
“We went in on it together,” R. J. explains.
“But I never told you— How did you even know?”
Anne Marie presses her lips together for a second. “Well, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who can identify the Seven Sisters in the sky like it’s the moon or somethin’. And—well—somebody else mighta asked me a while back if I’d like to chip in,” she finishes.
Clay. He was thinkin’ about my birthday long before I was.
“I hope we got a good one,” R. J. says.
I hug both of them.
“Thank you,” I say through tears, wonderin’ if I deserve to be loved this much.
“Evvie, no! You said no cryin’ at your birfday,” Doralene reminds me.
I release my friends and wipe my eyes. “You’re right. No cryin’, dammit!” I laugh. They laugh too, and Mama puts her arm around me.
“Is Evvie allowed to cuss now?” Coralene asks.
We try to get back to normal. While the others chat, I read every word on the box before opening it.
“Mama?”
“What?”
“Is Evvie allowed to cuss now?”
“Only on her birthday.”
It’s late. I’m in the backyard on a blanket, usin’ my new telescope. It’s amazing how much more I can see with it. On a clearer night, I might be able to discover somethin’. I heard that sometimes amateur astronomers have discovered comets. Just lookin’ around up there. I doubt I will, but you never know.
Seein’ so much more detail, I know I need some new books on astronomy to put this treasure to good use. Think I’m gonna ask Mrs. Woodley if she could order some new astronomy books for the library. Worst she can say is no.
I set it down to give my arms a rest. I was too eager to get it outside, so I haven’t figured out how to set up its stand yet. I close my eyes and enjoy the night breeze.
Thank you for my birthday gift, I say. I open my eyes. It’s the first time that I’ve allowed myself to speak to Clay. It was too painful before. But tonight it feels okay.
I miss you so much.
When I see you in dreams, it’s like you’re still here, but we both know you’re gone.
What’s real weird is that lately I feel like you’re even more present. Like you’re lyin’ beside me right now even though I know you’re not. And the weirdest part is, it don’t make me feel sad. That’s strange, ain’t it?
The breeze blows a little harder. The kitchen light is out. Mama must’ve gone to bed.
Anyway. I’m startin’ to feel less alone now.
I didn’t leave you alone.
I distinctly heard that voice. I know I did.
“…Clay?”
Clay? Is it you?
Hey, Evvie girl. I didn’t leave you alone.
I squeeze the telescope to my heart. I hear him, and he hears me. I’m wide awake. I’m not dreamin’. This ain’t a vision. Miracles can happen.
I know that now. I have a lotta people who love me. I’m lucky.
You have more than you realize, m’lady.
I giggle. Afraid to break the connection in case I never get it back again.
And then, I’ll be damned if that rabbit ain’t back! She crawls right up on me like it’s our old routine now and just starts tappin’ away at me.
I wish you could see this.
What is it? A rabbit?
I sit straight up, and my eyes damn near bulge outta my head. The rabbit hops offa me but don’t run away.
Clay. Can you see me?
No.
Then how did you know it was a rabbit?
Rabbits are signs of abundance. And fertility.
Oh.
Shit.
That’s all he has to say. It’s why I been feelin’ that there’s more to me than there used to be: there is.
I’ll never leave you alone, Evvie.
I lie back down on the blanket and rub my abdomen, curious and scared about what’s inside. Dear god, Mama’s gonna have a coronary. First she’ll wanna beat the livin’ hell outta me; then she’ll have a coronary. Christ Jesus.
What am I gonna do?
You’ll have faith. You’ll love each other. You’ll believe you can make it work. Because you will.
We go on like that for a while. He makes me laugh a little and melt a little. I end up fallin’ asleep outside and wakin’ up just before dawn. Just as the sun is risin’. I watch all the colors appear and fade before settling on the gold of the morning. It’s a new day. With new obstacles to be sure. But I’ll have faith, I’ll love, and I’ll believe I can make it work.
Because I will.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I’m as grateful as ever to all the fantastic, intelligent, and generous people in my life. Without them, this book would not exist.
This book went through many drafts, including a huge rewrite that briefly made me wonder if I should just quit and cut my losses. I’m glad I didn’t. Thank you, thank you, thank you to my first-round readers! Danica Novgorodoff, Cori Thomas, and Chris Van Strander—your thoughts were invaluable. Then there was a second version of the book that was VERY different from the first. Thank you, Jackie Kelly for being the fresh pair of eyes on this one and a giant thank you goes to Kia Corthron (my sister and fellow scribe), Tom Matthew Wolfe, and Tasha Gordon-Solmon for reading and giving me in-depth feedback on BOTH versions of the book! I appreciate you all infinitely.
I have to thank my peerless agent, the incomparable Laurie Liss, for always having my
