Caroline explained to Lizzy as the other ladies were intently listening, “Papa does not wish to burden Charles but I suppose you are correct. He has been the baby in our family and we have tried to protect him all of his life. I will speak to my father about telling Charles. Thank you for your advice, Miss Elizabeth. You were always very intelligent, even for one so young.”
Lizzy felt awful that she had been suspicious about Miss Bingley’s character to have changed to the opposite from how she had been before. She now wondered if the years could change someone so drastically and that perhaps if William were to marry a worthy wife, one such lady might be in front of her.
Her heart broke that now that she had finally admitted to herself that she was in love with Will, she would lose him to another. She vowed that she would do the right thing for her dearest blood-brother, that if he was ready to fall for Miss Bingley and live a normal, happy life with a wife who could meet all of his criterions, that she would let him go for his sake. She knew she would accept no one else and was affirmed in her belief that she was truly fated to become a spinster for the rest of her life.
The gentlemen soon joined the ladies and Lizzy smiled tenderly at Jane who was glowing in happiness with Mr. Bingley’s attentions. That gentleman left no doubt that he admired Jane to everyone watching them in the drawing room and she wished her sister every pleasure.
“Jane looks delighted, does she not?” William softly whispered from behind while Lizzy stood by the fireplace.
“Indeed, she does.” Lizzy answered, “I have never seen her happier.” She slowly turned around to meet his eyes. “And I can see that you are also delighted with your company, Will. She has changed for the better and she will be good to you. Miss Bingley has shared that her father has only months to live and perhaps it would bring Mr. Bingley the elder much peace to see his daughter married before his passing. Charles Bingley does not know of it yet, so pray do not tell him yourself.”
William was confused, “I will not, but do you mean to tell me that you wish for me to... for me to pursue Miss Bingley? Are you now permitting me to... to marry her?”
“Yes, Will.” Lizzy softly sighed, “I will let you go, Will. I wish you the best and I know we must go our own ways. I am not good enough for you and I release you.”
William was stunned by her words. He had hoped to find some time with her to tell her of his deepest wishes and to gauge how she felt about their intimate kiss, but it appeared that she did not wish to have anything to do with him further. It broke his heart that she was releasing him and that she still considered herself not good enough. “Lizzy, we will speak of this more tomorrow. I will come to Cheapside and we will talk. You cannot... You must allow me to...” He could not find the words to express himself without making a spectacle of himself in front of all those gathered in the room.
“I am returning to Longbourn, Will.” She cut him off. “I am going home so I can sort out myself and my future. I have some funds saved up and I might be able to ask Uncle Edward for a loan so I can travel and be near the sea again. I miss listening to the waves and seeing the vast waters before me.” Lizzy quickly wiped her eyes. “I would like to see Georgie again. Excuse me.”
Lizzy requested for her aunt to fetch her when they were ready to depart and went upstairs to her young friend. She sat with Georgiana while the girl slept and contemplated her life without William in it. It felt as bleak and dreadful as death itself but she knew he would find a promising future without her.
Chapter 13
May 1810
“You certainly have a flair for the dramatic, Lizzy,” Mr. Bennet chastised his daughter. “I know you and William are in a tiff but why did you have to depart London so quickly after you arrived? You stayed one night before putting yourself on the post to return home. Your mother had wished to return home after you but when I showed her your letter, she conceded that time alone was what you needed and we were forced to stay in town without you.”
Lizzy answered, “I would have never forgiven myself for ruining Jane’s time in town with Charles Bingley. I know he is young yet, but I am very pleased that he is formally courting my sister. Although he knows he cannot marry for another year, he loves Jane very much and Mr. Bingley will be at peace that his son will have a good future with the most deserving of ladies.”
Mr. Bennet smiled, “Yes, her courtship is going well and he will call on her here after he arrives to care for his father. Mr. Bingley will be taking Purvis Lodge to lease it for his daughter and Charles next week, and the young man will be able to spend his summer to court dear Janey in Hertfordshire.”
“She loves him very much, papa.” Lizzy responded. “And Miss Bingley? She will be coming here for courtship herself?”
Mr. Bennet furrowed his brows. “Miss Bingley? I did not know she was in courtship. With whom, Lizzy? I admire any man travelling four hours to court a woman like your uncle had done.”
“Oh,” Lizzy answered, “It must not yet be public, papa. I thought she was in courtship. No matter now. I am glad to gain our new neighbours soon and
