Rae’s parents watched Hannie stride out of the room, then reluctantly followed. Unable to stand a second longer, Gerrit sank into the nearest chair with an oof. He could feel his pulse in his collarbone thrumming away.
“We went to his house,” Rae began. “Me and David. But Morgan wasn’t there. The guy he lives with is a jerk.”
“Did you talk to that guy?”
“We tried.” She grimaced. “He yelled at us. Practically attacked David. I’m worried Morgan might’ve run away.”
Run away, like Fangs. And Fangs never came back.
Gerrit’s stomach was a gaping hole of regret. If something happened to Morgan, he’d only have his own big mouth to blame. It felt awkward and hypocritical, but he didn’t know what else to do.
God? Let Morgan be okay. Not for my sake or anything. I just . . . he’s a good kid.
“His mom works at Della’s,” Rae continued. “We thought we’d go there and talk to her, but . . .”
“David was driving?”
She nodded.
“You could’ve been killed.” His tone was harsh and scraped against the sterile white walls.
Tears pooled in her wounded eyes. “It wasn’t his fault. That other car crossed the median and rammed us into the red Jetta.”
He looked at the floor. Everything was someone’s fault. Even accidents. God’s, at least, if no one else’s.
Rae sniffed. “The police said the guy in that other car was intoxicated. And I heard a nurse say the woman he pushed us into was pregnant. She said—” a single tear fell—“she said the baby died.”
The weight of her voice was new. The girl who’d left his house earlier that evening was gone.
She tenderly touched her bandage. “This certainly wasn’t part of the plan.”
Gerrit sighed. What did a fifteen-year-old know about what she wanted out of life? He sat quietly for a minute, then lifted his eyes to meet hers. “You know, I used to have a plan, too, when I was your age.”
She blinked in surprise. “You did?”
“Yeah.” His voice took on the color of memories. “I’d lived on the farm my whole life, and I was going to grow up and take it over with my brothers. We’d run it together, and our children after us.”
A long moment of silence. The bed squeaked as she shifted.
“It didn’t turn out like I planned,” he continued. “I’m not sure anything ever does.”
“But it’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
He hung his head. “I don’t know. It wasn’t about what I wanted. That’s just what everyone expected.”
“Everyone expects me to be a lawyer like my dad.”
“Is that what you want?”
When she didn’t answer, he looked up. Her face was pensive.
“If you could be anything in the whole world, what would you be?” he prodded.
The corners of her mouth lifted slightly. “Professional cat sitter.”
He snorted. Maybe the old Rae was still in there after all.
Her halfhearted smile faded. “I’m not sure. I like to help people. Mark says I’m good with the kids at Community Hope.”
“Lawyers help people. The good ones, anyway.”
“My parents act like getting into law school will be easy for me. I’ve always done well in school, but what if I go to Columbia and fail?”
Her words struck a chord in his heart. Hadn’t he secretly feared the same thing when Luke pushed him to go to college? Farming made sense to him. He’d done it his whole life. But college? He was afraid he’d fail and waste what he thought was his father’s money. Worse, let everyone down. Instead, he’d done fine in college—excelled even—but had failed to . . . oh. He could see it, finally. The reason Luke had been so insistent, going against their father’s wishes the only time in his life. The reason he’d sacrificed his own college fund.
Gerrit swallowed hard.
Luke hadn’t cared about managing the farm better or implementing modern practices so they could make more money. He’d hoped Gerrit would learn one simple thing: there was more to life than the farm.
He looked at Rae. “What would happen if you didn’t go to Columbia at all?”
“I don’t know. My parents would be mad. Especially my dad.”
“I’ve wasted a lot of years on the wrong path.” Muffled voices came from under the door. No doubt Rae’s family was anxious to get back to her. Gerrit struggled to his feet. “Don’t make the same mistake.”
“How do I know which path is the right one?”
“I’m not sure,” he said and put one hand on the doorknob, “but I know you still have plenty of time to figure that out.” Gerrit looked back at her battered but youthful face and knew it was true. She had her whole life ahead of her, full of opportunities.
But what about him?
CHAPTER
FORTY-TWO
Rae stared at the ceiling, a pounding headache keeping her awake. At least that was part of it. Her conversation with Gerrit earlier was another part. How was she going to figure out what to do with her life? What had happened to Morgan? And another thing. During the accident, when her mind had flashed back to her driving nightmare, she’d finally seen with clarity who the two people were at the bottom of the hill.
Mom and Dad.
What if she made the wrong choice, and it hurt her parents?
For some reason, something Mark had said a few days ago returned to her mind. “More importantly, pray about it.” She’d never prayed by herself before. She’d looked up that one verse Mark mentioned, but praying felt like a whole different ball game. She’d never had any reason to do it, really. But here in the hospital, in the dark . . .
God, are you there? Please help me with all this stuff.
She shifted in her bed, trying to get comfortable and wishing the doctor hadn’t decided to keep her overnight for observation. She missed Mr. Whiskers. The doctor had also issued a strict no-electronics policy due to her concussion. Regardless of that, she turned on her phone and hid it under the blanket so the light wouldn’t disturb her mother. The clock said one-thirty. She
