“Whoa,” Ashley gasped behind me. “Am I dreaming?”
“Who dares trespass into the Water Curtain Cave inside Huā Guǒ Shān?” boomed Sun Wukong. The monkeys began screeching, those on the ground quickly climbing up into the trees. They shook the branches. I yelped as a peach hit my head.
For once, it seemed even Ashley didn’t know how to respond.
I dropped to my knees. I figured showing the Monkey King some respect couldn’t hurt, since he was about the most arrogant god to ever live, thinking he could take on all of Heaven by himself. He’d probably blast us for not showing him respect. The others quickly followed suit.
“Hey, guys? A-any ideas what to say to him?” I whispered.
“You seem to be doing f-fine,” Ashley hissed, her voice trembling. “And didn’t you want to be in charge? You decide.”
I looked at Jordan for help, but he just nodded and mouthed, “Keep talking.”
Great. Earlier they’d been all “stupid Jade Society warrior this, stupid Jade Society warrior that,” and now they wanted my help? I cleared my throat, trying to ignore the fact that I was trembling from head to toe.
I rose to my feet. “Um … er …” Off to an impressive start, Faryn. Why don’t you throw an “uh” and “mrph” and “I’m a ninny, ignore me” into the mix as well?
As my gaze met Sun Wukong’s piercing eyes, I remembered his vision was much more powerful than a mortal’s or even most gods’. He could see what others couldn’t, like demons disguised as humans. He’d definitely see how scared I was. Of course, that thought only made me more scared.
“State your purpose, strangers, or I’ll feed you to my monkeys,” Sun Wukong bellowed.
“P-please don’t do that!” Jordan squeaked. “It w-would be a t-terrible mistake f-for you. I have—I have—acne! Terrible acne!”
Sun Wukong shocked me by grinning and smacking his hand against his knee with a barking laugh. “I’m just kidding. We’re peach-atarians here.”
“Um … peach-atarian?” Ashley said blankly.
“Don’t you mean ‘pescatarian’?” Jordan asked.
“No, I mean peach-atarian. We only eat peaches.” Sun Wukong reached up, snagged a peach off the lowest-hanging tree branch, and bit into it. “I already foresaw you three coming here.”
“You did?” I said.
“Of course. I’m the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven. I know everything.” Puffing out his chest, Sun Wukong finished his peach and spit the pit onto an unsuspecting monkey’s head. “But I want to hear in your own words why you’re trespassing on my territory.”
I drew myself up to my full height. “W-we’ve come here to fulfill Erlang Shen’s shī.”
“Erlang Shen?” Sun Wukong stuck a long finger into his ear, turned it, and made a face as he flicked earwax off his nail. “What’s that ugly, interfering brute want now?”
A good question that I had no clue how to answer. My memory of old stories and Ye Ye’s compass had led us to the mountain, but now that I’d arrived, I worried it was all a mistake.
Still, we were supposed to search “the highest heights.” Besides Heaven itself, was there anywhere located higher than Huā Guǒ Shān? We were also supposed to find “an old ally” on the “brink of death.” Sun Wukong didn’t look on the brink of death to me, but he had to be really, really, really old. Gods had to have some kind of expiration date, right?
“Dà shèng,” I said respectfully, remembering Sun Wukong’s chosen title, “we’ve come here on a quest to find you, the old ally, carrying the weapon of greatest power—the Ruyi Jingu Bang. Will you join forces with the New Order in the fight against the demons before they destroy everything—including this mountain?”
Sun Wukong laughed again. A deep, knee-smacking belly laugh, the kind of laugh you give after someone has told a gut-splitting joke or said something incredibly stupid.
“Well, this is going well,” Ashley remarked.
“Old ally? Do I appear ‘old’ to you?” Sun Wukong demanded. “I am at the height of my physical state! I have never been in better form!”
“Um …” Jordan tilted his head, eyeing the god’s stomach.
“What makes you think I, the Great Sage, Equal of Heaven, have any interest in defending you mortals against the demons?” the Monkey King steamrollered on. “I could wipe out tons of demons while barely lifting a finger, of course. The unparalleled power of my Ruyi Jingu Bang—”
His eyes widened, and he fell silent. He suddenly seemed smaller than before.
I’d been right. The weapon that Sun Wukong always held, that he’d used to slay countless demons in the cartoons and video games, was missing.
“Where is it?” I asked. “Where’s the Ruyi Jingu Bang?”
“Not … with … me … at the moment,” Sun Wukong said through gritted teeth, as though each word physically pained him.
“You’ve lost the Ruyi Jingu Bang?” Jordan blurted out. “How?” He slapped a hand over his mouth, but the damage had been done.
“What did you say?” boomed Sun Wukong, standing up on his throne and pointing a long, hairy finger at us. He leapt off the throne, tumbled through the air, and emerged in a blur of motion right in front of us.
Up close, Sun Wukong looked even more intimidating, with razor-sharp teeth. Those black eyes were definitely trying to see if I was a demon or not. I closed my eyes and struggled to keep myself from trembling or looking like a demon, which was ridiculous because I wasn’t a demon.
“I didn’t lose anything,” Sun Wukong continued. “One of the Demon Kings stole my Ruyi Jingu Bang. He lured me away from it by ambushing my monkeys. I would’ve chased that lowlife to the pits of Diyu, where he fled, but …” Sun Wukong cast a mournful look up at the monkeys who hung in the trees. “I needed to stay behind to protect my monkeys. The demons are stirring strongly now that it’s the Hungry Ghost Festival, you see.”
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “We know.”
Sun Wukong gave us a hard look. “That’s why I can’t help
