My heart literally yearned for him. This amazing, complicated but wonderful man had been mine, and I threw him away.
I counted my blessings for our easy, professional rhythm during the weeks that Rainier Arts Foundation dominated every hour of my day. His intelligence and insight about how he wanted his non-profit to run was intoxicating to the lawyer side of me. Not only did I respect the hell out of him, but I was also proud to be part of the team that would make his dream become a reality. It occurred to me that we had now been platonic “professional friends” for longer than we had ever been a couple. Which was weird.
Too soon, all of the paperwork had been filed, the organization infrastructure set up, employees were vetted and hired, board members appointed, and all the documents had been signed, sealed, and delivered. They needed to hire executive staff, and then my work would be done. For now, Ty was ready to launch and LTZ’s publicity team had been brought in to oversee the announcement of the Rainier Arts Foundation at some private event on his birthday in September.
I was feeling depressed because my official excuses to talk to Ty were almost over, when it was all I really wanted to do. Lost in my malaise, I nearly jumped out of my seat when my boss Joe knocked on my door.
“Zoey, we need to have a chat,” he began. My heart started beating wildly, I hadn’t been able to concentrate on work for many days now, so I braced myself for a reprimand.
“Sure, Joe.” I tried to sound confident. “What can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to congratulate you on the Rainier Arts Foundation, what a great client to bring to the firm. I appreciate it and wanted to personally thank you.” Joe set an expensive bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne on my desk and headed back out the door. “Now that the foundation is set up, I have some other client work I’d like you to focus on, but if you keep bringing in clients like that, you’ll be in line for partner in no time!”
Keeping a calm and what I hoped was a gracious exterior, I listened to Joe but realized that I had no interest in my other client work. The foundation had become what I looked forward to working on at the firm. Day-to-day interaction with Ty had been an added bonus. Now that was being ripped away. Disappointment at being removed from the project hit me like a ton of bricks. It had nothing to do with my career ambitions, it was because I was heartbroken all over again.
I had established the boundaries with Ty at the beginning, and Ty had respected them. With my work completed, there truly was no reason for me to hope that our renewed “friendship” wouldn’t just fade away into nothingness. Before Ty had come back into my life, I’d been singularly focused on the partner track at Finney Cooper. With Ty suddenly back in my life, I knew I wanted more. I’d been working non-stop and seeking validation, first from professors and now from my bosses for eight years.
My self-imposed purgatory had to end.
Spending time with Ty, who was so stoked about his foundation, made me remember what it felt like to truly be excited about my future. Not just going through the motions of achieving corporate goals. Staring out my window at the city well past nine p.m., contemplating what I wanted to do, I wondered whether it was time to make a drastic change.
With virtually no social life other than a handful of embarrassing online dates, there was no love in my life. My student loans were paid off, my apartment was reasonable, and with no other big expenses, I had a sizeable savings account. Maybe I could tough it out for a few more months into the new year. If I was careful with money, I could take a year off to figure out my next steps. Maybe I could finally go somewhere exotic with Alex.
The only person I wanted to talk to about all of this was Ty. With no professional reason to be in contact, it would have been inappropriate for me to call or text. He hadn’t reached out for a couple of weeks other than a text here or there with a quick question about the foundation. Summer was nearly over, and his birthday and announcement party were around the corner. Then it would probably be all over for us.
Again.
A few days later, I had fully resigned myself that it was already over when a beautiful custom-made VIP invitation for me and a guest arrived at my office. The launch party would be held at the newly renovated Space Needle Loupe and LTZ would play a special acoustic set for exclusive broadcast on Sirius. Only one hundred people would be allowed in. My assistant confirmed that Joe hadn’t been invited, which made me feel a bit smug after he ripped me away from my passion-project to finish and take credit for it himself.
My body buzzed with adrenaline. It was such an intimate affair; there would be no way to avoid the LTZ guys. Inwardly, I grimaced at how awkward it would be for me to see them.
