I didn’t look back.
Even if it made me the biggest asshole on the planet.
Chapter 21
ZOEY
Strangely, I couldn’t even cry. I was numb. On the flight home I put on my noise-canceling headphones so I didn’t have to talk to anyone. At first, I didn’t blame Ty for being angry. After all, I was the queen of self-sabotage when it came to our relationship. It didn’t excuse his behavior though. I didn’t deserve to be treated like a disposable groupie. Not by a long shot.
I found myself in an impossible situation. I’d been living in a fantasy world for weeks, believing that Ty and I could have our happy ever after without any issues. For the most part, other than the day after the launch party, things between us had been wonderful. Easy. Drama-free. As far as I was concerned, it was only a matter of time before we moved in together. Or got married.
Until that humiliating scene at the hotel. Now, suddenly, I was alone. Again.
Of course, I’d told him I needed to handle my situation alone, so I got what I asked for.
Alone was better than disrespected.
Alone was also better than being vilified for something I had done years ago. Something he still used against me to justify his cruel and dismissive behavior. If he couldn’t let our past go, how could anyone else in his world? I wasn’t going to live my life apologizing. If Ty couldn’t forgive me, and it was clear that he couldn’t, then we didn’t have a future. And goddammit, if he could forgive Carter years ago, why couldn’t he give me a break?
Truth be told, as sad as I felt at losing Ty again, I was also livid. And weary. It had been overwhelming to bear the burden of our split and everything that came afterward on my own. I had never wanted to break up with Ty, but I certainly didn’t expect that I’d be the subject of songs about it. They were part of pop culture now. This meant that unlike most breakups and heartbreaks, Ty’s side of our story had been shared, no exaggeration, with the entire world. It stood to reason that the world was behind Ty.
I’d been lulled into a state of complacency. In Seattle, no one really bugged him, and we certainly didn’t have a fleet of paparazzi following us around. It was easy for me to forget Ty was famous. I got lost in him and us again and pretended that things were exactly the same as where we left off. Well, before I left him all those years ago.
The reality of the level of his fame smacked me in the face when we were out and about in LA. It bugged me that Jace had warned Ty about the potential consequences of being out in public and he ignored the warning. Call it self-preservation, but I didn’t want to face the judgment of the zillions of LTZ fans without a plan in place. They’d been waiting for years to find out my identity to tear me down. Years ago, I would have believed that I deserved it.
Now? Not so much.
Ty had to have known that if we were in public, holding hands, cuddling and kissing, hundreds of people would be taking his picture. I didn’t know, so I was taken by complete surprise. It was irresponsible, and maybe even unsafe. Don’t get me wrong, nothing made me prouder than to be on Ty’s arm. I just deserved an equal say in my life.
Luckily, even though my photo was out there, the trolls didn’t know my identity yet. I couldn’t help but read their cruel comments about my physical appearance and worthiness to be with Ty. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the fear I had about the ethical violations I could face. I’d gone all-in with Ty without a second thought, and my own carelessness chilled me to the bone.
Whenever I felt out of my element, I needed to think things through. Reset. Analyze. Problem-solve. Ty knew that about me. I’ve always been this way. That was the only reason I wanted to come home early. When he drove off leaving me in the dust with cab fare, it was devastating. I understood that his own insecurities about my commitment to him drove him to do it. It didn’t excuse his behavior. Or his inability to be there for me.
I couldn’t believe we were over before we even had a chance to begin.
I needed my mom.
She picked up on the first ring. “Are you already back in town? I thought you got in later tonight.”
“I came home early. Ty and I broke up.” The tears I couldn’t muster on the plane flooded out of me at the sound of her voice.
“Oh, Zoey, are you okay?”
“I don’t know. He’s so angry with me.”
“Sweetie, everyone argues, it’s to be expected. Tell me.”
As I explained what happened and how Ty reacted, I was so glad I called her. She never lectured me or made me feel bad. She didn’t place judgment on Ty. My mom was the best at helping me reason through things to come to my own conclusions. I was so lucky to have her.
“Zoey, from what you told me, Ty didn’t have much parental guidance, and I’m sure he’s struggling with abandonment issues. In any relationship, communication is the most important element and if you plan on being with him long-term, it will be up to the two of you to work on these issues together.”
“That’s what I’m most afraid of. I’ll never love anyone the way I love him. I know that I messed up when I ghosted him all of those years ago, but I’ve apologized so many times and promised I’d never do that to him again. And I won’t. At the same time, when I have my own fears about how things are going, I don’t want to walk
