“Tell me.” He narrows his eyes, and I see a flicker of that same fire from earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be directed at me.
“I don’t think you would understand.” I sigh and want to look away, but he doesn’t allow it. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears.
“It doesn’t matter if I understand it or not.” He shakes his head. “You need to say it out loud.”
Bram sees right through me, like I’m more exposed in his arms than I ever was on the stage. I tried to turn it into a game without fully understanding the desire or what was truly needed. We’re past that now. He played along. Maybe he already knew there was more to it. He certainly sees it now.
I blink because it’s the only way to escape his stare, even for a moment, and the tears begin to form. I can’t make them go away. I can’t hide them. All I can do is let them run down my face.
“You’re safe with me, Kiana.” He traces my arm and pulls me into a hug. “Let it out.”
“I’m sorry. This wasn’t how I wanted our evening to go.” I cry on his shoulder. “You’ve always been the one person who was there for me—the one person who didn’t look at me like I was some kind of disappointment. Even when you saw me on that stage, I didn’t feel like I had disappointed you—you tried to figure out how to fix it instead of judging me…”
“Because I knew it wasn’t you on that stage. I knew there was a reason.” He sighs and rubs my back, slowly moving his hand up to cradle my head.
“I said you weren’t there when I needed you most, but I was wrong.” A sigh mixes with my sobs. “I need you more right now than I ever have, and I almost ruined that this morning. I tried to bury those thoughts and turn it all into a game, but it isn’t—I’d rather be punished than be a disappointment.”
“You haven’t disappointed me at all.” He pushes me back so that he can stare into my tear-soaked eyes. “I told you, I let my emotions get the best of me, and you forgave me. There’s no reason to dwell on it. You certainly don’t need to be punished for what happened.”
“There’s so much more…” I close my eyes for a moment.
I’ve come this far. The floodgates are already open. I might as well spill all of my secrets, all of my fears, and everything that has turned me into a crybaby on his knee. I feel vulnerable but safe, and there are things I’ve needed to get off my chest for so long that they feel like an unmovable weight pressing against it.
I tell him everything. About my parents. About the way they treated me. How he was my shining light in the midst of so much darkness, even when I was too young to fully understand how important it was to have someone like him in my life.
Bram is obviously surprised to find out what was going on behind closed doors—the secrets that only a fly on the wall would have known unless they were right in the middle of it. He’s the first person I’ve ever told, and it feels good to finally spill those words without worrying about being judged or told that I’m overexaggerating.
“Damn…” Bram shakes his head and exhales sharply when I finally blink away my last tear.
“This morning.” I pull air into my lungs and hold it there for a moment. “When I saw the look in your eyes, it was almost … easier. I’d much rather see anger than disappointment. Anger can be resolved. It can be addressed and overcome. Disappointment? That just lingers…”
“Anger can linger too, but I’ve never been one to hold onto it, especially when I’m in the wrong.” He shrugs. “Maybe this will be easier if we both admit we made mistakes this morning and agree they’re forgiven.”
“Yes.” I nod in agreement.
It finally feels like the issue is resolved. It was easy for me to forgive him after I found out he took care of Hudson’s debt, but harder for me to accept that he could move past it without harboring resentment. I thought I needed to feel the fury and suffer in order to earn my place in his bed again. I was drawn to the fire because I wanted to burn away my mistakes, but now I realize that I’m no moth.
There may be more to the excitement and desire I felt that can be explored without the complicated emotions that came to the surface.
But that is best left for another time.
Right now, I just want to be in his arms.
Chapter Sixteen
Bram
The many layers of Kiana continue to fascinate me. I wasn’t sure where we were going when she called me Daddy and asked for me to playfully do what came out as a threat in the heat of the moment. I didn’t realize how many emotions would follow, or how close it would bring us when they were spent.
I’m falling for her. I feel things that go deeper than my physical desires. That was never more evident than when she fell asleep in my arms last night. We didn’t even make love. The emotions that were pulled to the surface left us both exhausted. I didn’t draw an easy breath until I saw her last tear fall, and I silently vowed to make sure that it was the last one she ever shed due to regret.
I’ll protect her.
I’ll keep her safe.
Kiana will be treated the way she should’ve been treated her whole life. I’ll stake mine on it. She deserves to be loved and treasured. She should never feel like a disappointment to anyone, certainly not to me. I don’t know what went on behind closed doors at her house. It wasn’t my business back
