The midmorning traffic flowed smoothly enough and it didn’t take him long to reach the motorway off-ramp that led to her suburb. HR had given him her address and he plugged it into the built-in GPS while he drove.
The flash houses gave way to more modest homes as he drove through the suburbs to where Jilly lived. He checked the signpost, checked the GPS. Yes this was it. He pulled in the driveway and took a deep breath. This was it.
When Jilly opened the door in her pink and blue spotted flannel pyjamas, it was all he could not to sweep her up into his arms. Instead, he stepped back and took a good look at her. She looked so different dressed like this, so much more childlike and innocent with her long hair un-brushed, flying free down her back. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. Dark circles under her eyes proof that she hadn’t been sleeping. And she looked even thinner.
“How come I had to find out from my uncle that you’re about to be homeless?” he growled and mentally kicked himself for not even saying hello. Here he was, turning up on her doorstep completely out of the blue and he didn’t even have the courtesy to greet her politely?
She shrugged. A lone tear tracked its way down her cheek and he resisted the urge to reach out and wipe it away.
“Why would you care?” She sounded angry. Accusatory. “You didn’t ring, nothing! I thought you didn’t want me anymore!”
“I was at trial. You know that.” He tried to keep his voice calm but her obvious hurt broke his heart.
“But I didn’t hear from you at all! I thought you had abandoned me, just like Cameron did. When I lost my job and you didn’t call...” Her voice trailed off as she started to cry.
“Hang on. What are you talking about? Baby girl, you haven’t lost your job.” He took her into his arms right there on the doorstep, cradling her head to his chest and rubbing her back, making soothing sounds as she sobbed against him. It took her a full minute to register his words and when she did, she looked up at him with big, tear-filled eyes.
“I haven’t?” Her voice quavered. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, baby girl, I’m sure. Now are you going to let Daddy come inside or are we going to stand out here on the doorstep all day?”
She stood back to let him in and shut the door behind them, flicking the lock as she did so. He nodded in approval. At least she took one part of her safety seriously. He glanced around the small room. Boxes lined the walls and books were scattered over the floor in front of the half empty bookshelf. Pictures leaned against the wall from where she had taken them down in preparation to pack. So she hadn’t spent all her time watching soppy movies and eating ice cream directly out of the tub, then. Good.
“Is anyone else home?” he asked.
Jilly shook her head. “No. Lily is at school.”
“So we have the house to ourselves?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” Without waiting to be invited, he sat down on Jilly’s couch and pulled her down next to him. “Because we have lots of things to discuss.” Where to start? He didn’t even know. So he gestured to the room around him. “You’ve been busy.”
“Yeah.” She sounded sullen. Bitter.
He picked up her hands. They were tiny, completely engulfed in his, as he rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs. “You never answered my question,” he reminded her. “Why did I have to find out from my uncle that you have housing troubles? Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”
She avoided his gaze. She looked down at her lap and let her long curls fall in her face, covering her eyes.
“Why would I? Why would you care? It’s not your responsibility.”
Frustration welled up within him. Had their relationship meant nothing to her? Had it just been a game? Or did she truly not understand what he wanted from her?
“But it is, little girl,” he told her. He raised her left hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, trying to force aside his disappointment. “When I said I wanted to be your daddy, I meant I wanted to take care of all of you. Not just at work. All the time.”
She was silent; tears dripped off the end of her nose, but they were silent tears. She kept looking down, avoiding his eyes. Her hands were trembling. He held them tighter, wanting to comfort her, to give her strength, to remind her that he was her daddy. He was here for her; he wanted to take care of her. “I want to be your shoulder to lean on, little girl. Always. In everything.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I think you did.”
She shook her head, and her shoulders crumpled completely. Her unhappiness broke his heart. Pulling her close, he lifted her and settled her on his lap, hugging her tightly, brushing her curls back off her face so he could see it. Her eyes were puffy; she’d obviously been crying earlier this morning before he arrived. He brushed away her tears with his thumb but they continued to fall. “I am here for you, baby girl. I need you to know that.”
“I do know that.” She snuggled against him, burying her face in his shirt and she felt so tiny in his arms, so
