“I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt like a part of me was missing.” I reached down and played with the blanket. “Well, maybe I do know why. With my mother gone, something was so very different. I barely remember what life was like when she was alive. My mother and father were over the moon happy and in love. I might have been young, but I remember the way they looked at one another.”
I glanced up and met his intense gaze. “Your parents remind me a lot of them. When my mother died and my father pushed me away, I always wondered if it had something to do with me. I didn’t feel like I was good enough for him to love me. And by good enough, I don’t mean I was bad. More that I lacked something. I still feel like I do, where he’s concerned. I guess I wasn’t my mother, and maybe being around me reminds him too much of what he lost. Then, with Jase...” I sighed once more. “I trusted him with my heart, and he didn’t value it. It was another blow. All those years I spent with my feelings bottled up about losing my mother—and my father, in a sense—and then experiencing the ultimate betrayal from my boyfriend. I lost it. Once I finally got my shit together, I knew I couldn’t put myself in that situation again. I told myself I wouldn’t ever find true happiness because it didn’t exist for me.”
Tanner shook his head and placed his finger on my lips to silence me. “You, Timberlynn Holden, are good enough. Too good, if you ask me. I look at you sometimes and think that there’s no way someone like me deserves to be with a woman like you.”
I went to talk, but he pushed against my lips harder. “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of worrying about things. I want that peace and happiness my heart has been searching for, and when you walked into my life, I got a taste of it.” He dropped his finger from my mouth.
“I feel the same way, Tanner. When I’m with you I feel…happy. Content. Sometimes you look at me and I feel so…” I released a nervous chuckle.
“Tell me,” he pressed.
“I feel sexy. I feel desired. I feel wanted. But wanted in more than just a sexual way. I think I was so stuck in my head that I didn’t know if I was dreaming that feeling up, or if it was really happening.”
Tanner almost looked relieved. “I do want you, but not just in my bed. I want to be by your side for whatever life throws at us, Timber. And trust me when I say you’re not the only one who’s scared. I’ve never felt this way in my life. Hell, I’ve had dreams of us walking hand in hand with kids running around us. I’m not entirely positive, but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal for a couple who’ve only been on two dates. And the first one was unofficial.”
My breath caught in my throat. “You’ve had…dreams like that? About us?”
He nodded. “Hell, Timber, I’ve been dreaming about you since I first met you in September.”
My teeth dug into my bottom lip, and I let out a small chuckle. “So have I.”
Tanner took my hands in his, and my stomach fluttered as he rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hands. “I want you to know that I’ll go as slow as you want. As long as I get to see your smile every day, hear your laughter on the breeze, and see those beautiful eyes of yours, I’ll wait as long as you need me to, for whatever happens next. But I need you to know that I’m in this for the long haul, and I will fight for us. And I swear on my life, I will never hurt you, Timber.”
The tears I tried to hold back slipped free and trailed down my face. Tanner watched them fall and then met my gaze again. “I don’t want to say those words too soon, so I’ll just do this instead.”
He placed my hand on his chest. My breath stilled as his heart raced under my touch. His hand landed over mine. With my gaze locked on our joined hands, I finally let the last wall down.
Slowly, I lifted my eyes to his and smiled as I took his other hand and placed it on my chest too. I put my hand over his. “I feel it too,” I whispered.
Tanner smiled and leaned over to kiss me. The moment our lips touched, I heard voices climbing up the steps to the loft and smiled.
With a growl of frustration, Tanner dropped his forehead to mine.
“I heard there was cream cheese fluff up here!” Ty called out.
Chapter Eighteen
TIMBERLYNN
Christmas Morning
A soft knock at my bedroom door had me opening my eyes and stretching. I sat up and asked, “Who is it?”
“Tanner.”
I jumped out of the bed and reached for my robe. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table said it was only six in the morning.
“One second,” I said as I slid on my slippers and went to the door. I smiled the instant I saw him in his PJs and rumpled hair. Lord, how did he look so handsome straight out of bed?
“Merry Christmas, Timber.”
His voice sounded breathy, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “Merry Christmas, Tanner.”
He held out a package, and I let the door fall all the way open. “For me?” I asked, taking the small gift.
Tanner nodded.
“Why are you giving it to me now, Tanner? At six in the morning?” I asked with a slight giggle.
He shrugged. “I didn’t want anyone else to see me give it to you.”
I raised a brow. “Oh? Should I be worried?”
With a shake of his head and a smile, he replied, “No.”
I motioned for him to come into my room, but
