But I don’t want to date someone just because he’s convenient.
Tommy heads to the parking lot. He lives off-campus as well, but he has a car. I unlock my bike from the rack and swing my bag into the metal basket. I pop my helmet on my head and set off.
It feels good to stretch my legs by pedaling after long hours in the library. I’m not super athletic, but I enjoy hiking and running and biking.
As I pedal down the familiar streets, I reflect on how Becca is always so willing to put her heart on the line and fall in love. I don’t have low self-esteem or anything; I know that with my blue eyes and dark hair, I’m attractive enough. I didn’t think I would still be a virgin at twenty though. Not that it’s a ridiculously old age to be a virgin. I just figured I would meet some fabulous guy in college who would coincidentally also get into the same medical school and my life would be perfect and neat.
In my most vulnerable moments, it has been hard to watch Becca find connection with loads of guys, or to watch my other friends find boyfriends and fulfilling relationships while I stand on the sidelines, my nose buried in a book.
I shake my head and focus on the road as the sky starts to get dark. I’m done feeling sorry for myself. If I had found a boyfriend freshman year and lost my virginity, maybe he would have just been a massive distraction. Maybe he would have broken my heart, and then I would have been too devastated to focus on schoolwork and I wouldn’t have gotten into my dream med school in New York City.
Everything happens for a reason.
I turn my bike into the driveway of my apartment. I rent the top floor of a duplex. The house is owned by the guy who lives next door in a bigger house. I fell in love with the place as soon as I saw it. It’s on a quiet street lined with pretty trees, but it’s not too far from campus. Even in the heavy winter snows, it’s easy enough to reach campus by bike or by foot if I need to.
Plus the landlord, Nate Ramsay, lives next door and is super nice. My stomach does a little flip when I think of Nate. He’s older, but he’s ridiculously handsome. I could barely keep a straight face the day I toured the apartment. I’m not usually the type of girl to get distracted by an attractive man, but my eyes kept darting away from the kitchen with all-new appliances and towards his toned arms and chest. He also has a beard, which I find insanely hot.
I spent the whole tour adjusting my glasses and trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl.
Now that he’s been my landlord for almost two years, I’ve gotten used to it. Mostly.
At least, I can keep my composure when he makes small talk with me or comes over to fix something in the apartment. We’ve even had nice conversations, and he always asks me about school and life. I can mostly keep my eyes focused on his chiseled face and not his body.
He probably thinks I’m a total weirdo.
It’s like I’m sabotaging my own love life. I don’t even try to find a spark with college guys because it’s too much trouble, and yet I have a raging crush on a much older man who is totally unavailable and inappropriate.
Well. He might be available. He definitely doesn’t have a wedding band on his ring finger, and in all my time living next door, I’ve never seen even a hint of a girlfriend.
I shake my head. Still totally inappropriate.
As I slow my bike, the front wheel catches on a stone, and I tumble from the bike. I catch myself with one hand, but I land hard on my other knee.
I bite back and curse and roll out from under the bike until I’m sitting. My palm is stinging, and I know I’ll have a bruise on my knee, but it’s nothing serious. I’m more embarrassed than in pain.
I glance towards the sidewalk to make sure no one witnessed my pathetic fall, then I grab my bag and hoist myself up to my feet.
I’m congratulating myself on having no witnesses to my clumsiness, when a deep voice emerges from behind me.
“You ok? That was quite a fall.”
Oh no. Not him. Not now. My cheeks turn bright red as I turn and see Nate Ramsay standing beside his house, a bag of trash in his hand.
Chapter Two
Nate
I’m finishing up an assignment for work when I hear her bike wheels hitting the gravel.
Over the last two years, it’s become both a familiar and an enticing sound. It’s comforting too, to know the exact second Cynthia Lannon gets home from school.
I’ve been sequestered in my home office all afternoon. I got into the computer and software business early in life. I made a lot of money fast, but instead of going crazy in my twenties and spending it helter-skelter like some of my colleagues did, I tucked it away. I wasn’t interested in expensive clothes or fancy gadgets. I just wanted to have something interesting to do, and I wanted to establish a home.
I got married young, which was a big swing and a miss at establishing a home. When that didn’t work out, I focused on saving up to own a property. The college town of Belmont, NY ended up being the ideal place for me. It’s quiet and out of the way, but close enough to the city that I can take the train down for business if need be.
My sister lives only an hour away, so I can visit her and her family when I want to, and she’s the only family member I care about seeing.
I spent ten years making
