He digs his fingers into my thighs, and I gasp in excitement. Then he kisses me, and I want to scream with pleasure and pent-up emotion. I clasp his shoulders, and he grips my breast, first one, then the other, with his firm hands.
Then his hands move between my legs, and I start to grind against his hand as my pleasure builds.
Nate growls in my ear: “What do you say?”
“Please, daddy,” I gasp. “Daddy, please.”
I wake up panting. I’m throbbing with desire, and I’ve shoved my own hand down my pants in the heat of my vivid dream.
The early morning light is peeking through my window.
It takes me a few minutes to even believe it was all a dream, that’s how intense it was. When I come to realize it wasn’t real, I feel like crying.
Then I want to yell at myself for being so emotional. I want to dive into my head and wrestle with my subconscious for sending me such a dream.
Usually I’m so good at maintaining control of my emotions and using my practical side. This is not practical. Crazy sex dreams featuring my landlord is not at all part of the plan.
I roll out of bed. It’s a Saturday, but now that I’m up, there’s no way I’m falling back to sleep. In fact, I’m scared that as soon as I close my eyes, another dream Nate will start to make torturous love to me.
Of course, the dream version didn’t even do him justice. In the flesh, he’s so much more spectacular.
I pull on a pair of leggings and a sports bra. I tug my windbreaker on top and dig through my closet for my running sneakers. I’m going to go to the gym and work out until I can’t think about him anymore. Then I’ll go to the library and study until my mind is an oblivion of facts about the human intestine.
I’m not a total fitness junkie, and I feel like riding my bike on a daily basis to and from campus is a good amount of exercise, but I like to get to the gym every now and then. I am pre-med after all, so I like to live a healthy lifestyle.
I throw a few books in my bag and dash out the door. I avert my eyes from Nate’s house as I hope on my bike and pedal as fast as I can to the campus gym.
I arrive around 6:30am. It’s practically empty this time of day. Only me and some of the school athletes are in the fitness room. I opt for the treadmill. I’ll run a few miles and then do a bit of strength exercises.
Once I start to work up a sweat, I feel better. I can’t beat myself up for feeling natural desires. It was just a dream, after all. I’ve had sex dreams before. It happens to everyone.
The one thing that is clear is that I need to take care of this situation. Having it be so unresolved and without closure is stressing me out.
I need to take the path of least resistance. That means making it clear to Nate that it was a one-time thing. If I leave the door open for future hook-ups, I’ll just get more confused and anxious.
Fundamentally, I’m a relationship girl. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I know I’m not looking for a hook-up. I’m looking for a partnership. I want to grow a life with someone. It makes zero sense to try and grow any sort of life with Nate.
If he’s not going to give me any information on where his head is at, I’ll do it. I need to take care of it today, before I waste any more time daydreaming or stressing.
It’s going to be an awkward few months, but I’ll get through it. I’ll graduate and move out, and then I will in all likelihood never see Nate Ramsay again.
By the time I get off the treadmill, my back is soaked in sweat and my legs are all wobbly. Even so, I push myself to do a few rounds of squats and push-ups.
After I leave the gym, I swing by the cafeteria to grab breakfast. I don’t have a meal plan, but I have meal points so I can eat on campus every now and then. I usually prefer to just cook for myself, but I don’t want to go all the way back to my apartment, especially if it means the chance of a run-in with Nate.
I have a quiet breakfast of a muffin and coffee, and then I head to the library. I reflect on how familiar the campus has become. I’m so used to it, I’m almost bored. That’s why what happened with Nate was so bombastic. I took a giant leap out of the familiar and into the unknown.
Med school is going to be like that. A whole new city and a whole new set of people. I’m looking forward to it. Clearly, I need to shake things up a bit.
I’m excited to continue my studies and focus on a certain area of medicine. Most people don’t know going in and pick their specialty after the first year or so. I’ve thought about surgery of some sort, but I also am drawn to oncology because of my mom’s battle with cancer. It’s a tough profession though. Everyone says you have to possess mental fortitude to deal with such an intense thing like treating cancer and dealing with tumours.
My mom says she wants me to be a gynecologist or a pediatrician. She says she wants me to bring life into the world, and she talks about how I’m so good with kids. I do like children, I must admit. And I want some of my own someday. I’ve always valued my small family unit, just me and my mom, but I’ve also always
