Even though I knew all this, I couldn’t bring myself to go to Daddies and Littles night. Auntie thought that I would find my Daddy there, but I knew better. No, Daddy would ever be able to accept all my issues.
Some Daddies loved diapers, but only to pretend play. They didn’t want to deal with them all the time because of a medical condition. A Daddy would like to interact with their Boy, to communicate with them. My main form of communication was sign language and finding a Daddy who knew sign language? Ha. Good luck with that. It would be easier to find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Or a unicorn. Well, I could read lips, too. I could talk, I just didn’t like to. Because I couldn’t hear my voice, I never knew if my voice was too loud or too soft. So, I stopped talking to strangers.
I looked around my open floor plan apartment. After I sold the rights for one of my thrillers, I went out and bought this run-down warehouse in Queens and remodeled the top floor. What I had created here was fun, and so my style. Not only because of the open space and the view across the river and Manhattan, but also because I could express myself. The true me in all my goofy glory with my toys scattered all over the place, and my coloring books laid out on the coffee table. The whole place was colorful and bright. There were stuffies scattered on my comfy sofa, and my best pictures hung on the walls. It was a perfect mix of my adult and Little sides. Ava didn’t mind it; neither did Owen. Those two were the only people who visited me. But I had no idea what a Daddy would think about it. Would it be too much for him?
With a sigh, I turned back to my computer. Even if a Daddy didn’t mind how I lived, they might care that I lived like a hermit. Because of my issues, I rarely left my apartment. A new message from Ava interrupted my thoughts, and I sighed again.
Auntie: Sweetie, I’m just doing this for your own good and because I love you. You deserve to be happy.
Me: I am happy.
Auntie: No, you’re not. You’re lonely. And don’t you dare lie to me, young man, or I’ll have Des spank your ass before he takes you out.
Hesitation stopped me from answering, but then another message popped up.
Auntie: Do it for me, sweetie. Just this once.
Me: Will you let this go? Like forever, if I say yes. If I do this, you will never bring it up again?
Auntie: Just one evening, Henry. Give it a chance. You might be surprised.
Ha, I was pretty sure that she was wrong, and I would regret it. But I wouldn’t argue because I had found a way to prevent her from bringing this up again.
Me: Fine. I’ll go. But just this once!
Auntie: You’ll see, sweetie. You won’t regret it!
Ha, I thought. But I kept that to myself, too.
Me: I’m calling a cab—no need to have Des drive to Queens.
Auntie: Let me know when you get there and get home then, so I know you’re safe.
Me: I will.
Auntie: Have fun, sweetie!!!
Me: Yeah, sure.
Auntie: Don’t start. Try to have fun. I want to hear all about it tomorrow.
Me: Ok, Auntie. Love you. Bye.
My eyes were going to fall out to the back of my head the way I rolled them. My auntie had become such a romantic since she found Miles. I turned off my computer. Fun. Ha. Fun was staying at home and playing with my toys or watching cartoons. Even coloring was more fun than going out. But I couldn’t back out now since I told her I would go, and I would follow through. After all, Ava had promised to leave me alone after one visit. That right there made the whole thing worth it.
Three hours later, I found myself in a cab on my way to my evening of torture. Unfortunately, it took no time for the taxi to arrive at my destination. Sighing, I paid the driver on my phone, gave him an excellent review, and got out. Standing on the sidewalk, I looked up at the bright bar sign, I sighed. The Rainbow Room. Huh, it looked just like it did two years ago when we had Ava’s 50th birthday party here. Apart from pushing me to go to the Daddies and Littles evening, Ava occasionally asked to meet her here for dinner, but I always refused.
Look at me now.
Still standing outside, I texted Ava a message that I had arrived and got a heart emoji back in return, followed by three thumbs up. Rolling my eyes, I put my phone back in my pocket, took a deep breath, and opened the door. On Wednesdays, the bar was closed for normal customers, so there weren’t that many people. Actually, there were only four guests so far. Two Littles with their Daddies by the look of it, one of them was a skinny, young, dark-haired guy with a dark-skinned Daddy. The other one was a cute looking guy with light brown curls and dark-rimmed glasses. He sat on the lap of an older looking man, who smiled down at him.
Swallowing, I watched them for a moment. My heart ached. The
