“I don’t mind the diaper changes. I know that there’s a difference between playing with them or being responsible for him like this.” Shrugging, I picked up a pair of scissors and handed them to Ava. “I love taking care of him, and the more diaper changes he needs, the more I can take care of him.”
“Is it that simple for you?”
“Yes.” There was no further explanation needed because it was that simple for me. Ava seemed to like what she heard because she turned towards the sage with a smile.
“Good.” Concentrating on the sage, Ava caught me totally off guard when she suddenly asked, “Did he tell you how he lost his hearing?”
“What?”
“How he lost his hearing?” When I didn’t react, Ava turned her head and looked at me with a worried frown. “Did he tell you how it happened?”
Brushing some leaves and soil aside, I sat down on the edge of a high flower bed. After I took a deep breath, I watched Ava cutting the herbs. Her shoulders were tense, and I could understand why. Even though she seemed to like me and to accept the fact that I was Henry’s Daddy, there was still a small chance that I couldn’t deal with his past.
“I know everything.”
“Everything?” Still frowning, Ava turned around and sat on the edge of the raised garden bed, watching me.
“Yes. I know how it happened, who hurt him, and where he grew up.” The hurt that showed in her eyes reminded me that Ava grew up there as well. “Ava, can I ask you something?”
“You want to know how I got away.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude or—”
“No.” Ava took a deep breath. Then she smiled at me. “You love him, and I think it’s reasonable that you want to know everything.”
“I do love him. But it is your story, not his.”
“I don’t know if you can talk about it being his story or mine. It’s our story because it’s our family.” Ava took a deep breath before she continued, “And it’s quite similar. Both of us were second sons. We weren’t raised to be the perfect little soldiers who would lead the community one day. We had a little more freedom than Richard or Robert. If you can call what we had, freedom. But we never had the pressure to follow in the footsteps of our fathers.” Ava stopped and thought for a second. “Maybe that’s the reason why we both started to question things. Starting with ourselves.”
“Henry told me about that. I mean that he started to question his upbringing at some point.”
“He never really had a chance.” Looking away from me, Ava seemed lost in her memories, so I stayed quiet until she spoke again. “My grandfather had this illusion of a perfect world. But it wasn’t a world anyone else saw. Where everyone else saw the horror of what had happened, he saw something bigger. Something greater than America or Germany. He saw…” Shaking her head, Ava hesitated for a second. “I don’t know what he saw. But it was enough for him to help a German officer escape justice. He brought him here to help him create a place where his values could live on. He even arranged a marriage between him and his eldest daughter.”
“And no one ever found out?”
“The whole world was busy picking up the pieces after the war. Why would someone look for one officer?”
“There were lots of Nazis who fled and people looking for them,” I argued quietly. It was apparent that it was a sensitive subject for her, and I didn’t want to hurt her.
“True, but they never found them all, did they?”
“No.”
“Sometimes, the most dangerous people aren’t those with big names. Sometimes those who truly believe in their cause are the most dangerous.” Picking at the leaves in her hand, Ava was lost in her world again. “When I was born, everything was so new. I remember my family was suspicious of everyone. There was always a fear looming. My grandfather was afraid people would find out he was a traitor, and my father was always afraid he would get caught and taken back to Germany. They were always looking over their shoulders. And as the years passed, they felt more and more secure. I was born into a world of fear. Henry was born into a world of confidence.”
“Confidence?” I couldn’t see where Henry’s world had been anything else than terrifying. But I wanted to understand. And Ava was the only person who could provide details.
“Yes. Confidence. Years went by, and nothing happened. No one came looking for a Hauptmann Erich Altmann. He changed his name into Erik Altmann, my father. He and my grandfather stayed out of the public eye and bought a farm.” Rubbing her eyes, Ava struggled to tell me the truth. “The farm grew, and with it, their beliefs grew as well. It was where the old values would live on—white people with blonde hair and blue eyes—the so-called master race. I wasn’t gay, but I was still different. Being different was bad. So I hid who I was. Back then, they were so focused on creating a better world that I just…I wasn’t tall enough. Big enough. Strong enough. I just slipped through the cracks. Back then, no one knew about being transgender. And I kept it to myself.”
“When did you leave?”
“I was seventeen and tried to kill myself.” Tears ran down her cheeks when she turned to me. “I knew that I was different. It hurt to deny who I was, but I knew what my family believed. I felt it was my only option.”
“But…” Thinking about all I knew
