“I lost the internship I wanted. But you know what I’ve never done before? I’ve never looked into doing nonprofit work? I mean, why not? Why shouldn’t I?”
“No money in it, for one.”
“But if my life’s work meant just a little bit more than the average person’s, it’d be worth it, right?”
“Well, obviously I think so.”
“I have enjoyed the privilege of being Rob and Mom’s daughter. Paid education, car, and all the other expenses. I literally have a head start, which gives me a chance to do things differently.”
“You have to do what feels right and good to you.”
“Honestly? So many things do. I have a lot of diverse interests. I could barely settle on one major. I’m just like that so I’m going to investigate the possibilities.”
“See? God’s ways always work out.”
She groaned with an amused smile. “I’ll give you that one because you’ve restrained yourself from using the, ‘God’s plans for me’ line, for so many weeks.”
He beamed back at her. “You noticed? I have tried not to say it because I know you don’t like it. But I actually did mean it.”
She touched his cheek. “I know you did. In the best way possible for me, right?”
“Yes.” He leaned over and kissed her scalp. “Always.”
“You’re surprisingly sweet. A lot more than I’d have ever guessed.”
He nodded and sighed. “Honestly, it’s far more than I ever guessed as well.”
She cracked up because he was serious.
More weeks drifted by in idyllic serenity. Despite their collective grief over the shooting and Eric’s long road to recovery, everything between them was strangely wonderful and good.
They spent all their time at his little apartment, going out and about the city. No one ever spotted them. They didn’t try to hide from anyone but it was nice to not feel obliged to define themselves. Her family got used to Kayla’s coming and goings, assuming she was visiting with her friends. And her friends thought she was having a chill summer with her family. She successfully managed to avoid both and spent most of her time with and around Jim.
“Jim?” Descending the stairway from her bedroom, Kayla stopped mid flight to frown in concern at him. Her mother was walking into the living room, so she answered the door and let him in. Masking her concern along with her surprise, she hoped the stupid glow of pleasure that had to be radiating on her face was not noticeable as she added with a quick smile. “Eric expecting you?”
“No. I wondered if I could ask for your help with some social media stuff I’m working on right now for the church website? You once mentioned you knew how to do it.”
“Oh. Right.” No. Never. She had no idea what he was talking about but she smiled pleasantly and ignored the confusion and banal courtesy.
He started up the stairs without an invitation. Sometimes Jim didn’t realize how things could appear, and he should not have assumed he was free to enter her bedroom in her parents’ house. But up he came despite her mom’s questioning look. After so many strange goings on of late, like Kathy dumping Jim for Eric, and Jim becoming Eric’s new BFF after getting shot, she sensed her mom and Rob avoided knowing the details as often as they could.
Entering her bedroom together, Kayla was hot, thinking of the only other time Jim was there. He didn’t push her into the door and kiss her too deeply this time. Instead, he sat on the end of her bed, in his usual contemplative pose. Shoulders hunched, hands resting between his knees, elbows on his legs, and his head down. “Just a word of caution, the way you came up here, as if you were more than used to it, wasn’t missed by my mom.”
He sat back, sparing a glance at her. “I didn’t think of that.”
She sat beside him. “Then what were you thinking? I’d recommend no talk of sex, considering my mom really is downstairs and we know it for sure. She knows you’re here with me… and since I can’t keep quiet…” She tipped her head and smiled. “That’s all your fault, however.”
He gave her an offhand smile but his heart wasn’t into her teasing. Sobering quickly, she set her hand on his forearm. “Hey. What’s wrong?”
Jim shook his head. “Church is scheduled to reopen. They want me to perform the services as usual this Sunday.”
His tone was neutral but measured. Lacking inflection. How one might say what they were doing for the evening or where they preferred to eat dinner. Kayla assumed it wasn’t a good thing or he wouldn’t be here now, in her room. Letting people know he was there. Rubbing his arm, she let her hand slip down further until it fit right into his. “And you don’t want to yet?”
He shook his head. “I need to. Everyone needs to face what happened and get back to being as normal as we can. To avoid the PTSD, calm the fears. Find new hope. You know?”
“So you’re obligated to perform?”
“Of course. It’s my job.” His fingers slipped from hers and he combed them through his hair several times nervously.
She ignored the little pinch of rejection to her ego when he so quickly dropped her hand. “Maybe not the first time. Again, the grief you have is still fresh and deep just like it is for Eric, Rob, Mom, Kathy and me. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to switch with someone else for awhile and take a sabbatical.”
“You would say that. You still don’t get how much this means to the people who attend my services. The ones who need it. Who come for guidance and healing. You—”
“I never claimed to be
