He thought he was finally successful. Choosing a church with principles as far from his father’s dictates as he could find, he surrounded himself with people like himself. His fiancée was the very embodiment of goodness, piety, decency, virtue, honesty, and integrity.
Even if Jim weren’t as emblematic of all those things, he was proud he could recognize the value in them. He tried to improve himself by drowning his mind in it. He scrubbed out all the other things in his head. The thing he was taught and raised to fear the most. The one thing that he had to avoid at all costs.
Evil.
Kathy had no clue. She thought his parents died when he was in his teens and he’d spent a few years in foster care. He was wrong to lie. Especially to her. She never lied about anything. He knew that. But if she knew his real history, Jim doubted very much she would stay with him, not in good conscience. So he was willing to commit a sin by lying to Kathy about it. He had to hide who and what he really was.
The spawn of Satan. Literally.
How could anyone forgive him? If anyone knew the sordid details of his life and what flowed in his veins, who could possibly care enough to love or forgive him? If Kathy understood his true identity, she’d want to scrub herself raw for allowing him to touch any part of her.
Never mind that he was strictly careful to barely touch her.
Not much past her hands, arms, shoulders, and maybe her back.
She didn’t argue with him. She was the only young woman he knew who never tried to question him or insist on more affection. Especially as their relationship progressed. Jim couldn’t tell her the truth. Or touch her.
Once they were married, perhaps the security of her being tied to him would give him the courage to tell her. She would take his confession to her deathbed; of that he was sure. Jim didn’t think he was tricking her. Or betraying her… Although he knew it was wrong to continue putting off some things.
How could he tell her who his real father was? If he admitted it, she and anyone else who knew would look at him with open distrust, disgust and suspicion. That’s why he needed to marry Kathy… for redemption. To be the man he wasn’t born to be.
Chapter 2
AFTER THE SPRING QUARTER of her Master’s program in business, she would have just one more quarter to finish the next fall. She completed a high intensity capstone project last year, and now she had only a few general electives left to fulfill before she’d have her degree.
And holy shit. In the three months since she’d been gone, big things happened, including her sister’s choice in boyfriends. Now Kathy liked Eric James. Her bodyguard. When Kayla returned after a few months, she found her sister mastering the art of silent-talking and all but eye-fucking Eric, her big, burly bodyguard. He stood at the back of the church and she performed her solo on the piano. But Kayla could read the whole story. Eric was congratulating Kathy. He looked like he was transported by her solo. No singing, just playing the piano.
And Kathy looked right at him when she finished for his smile. She wanted his approval and liked his attention.
Oh, my God, Kathy blushed and grinned and flushed with desire. Something she never did with Jim. None of that came from Kathy before. Kayla hoped Kathy could feel passion but honestly doubted it until she saw it. And there it was, with Eric.
But it sure as shit wasn’t with her fiancé. God damn.
If Jim were watching her body language as the weekly announcements were made at the start of the service, he didn’t notice or seem to care about the obvious connection between his fiancée and her bodyguard.
Did he ever sense sexual connection?
Maybe not.
For Jim wasn’t in love with Kathy. Not enough to sustain a marriage. Not the right way. He loved her more like a sister or a teacher he truly admired and wanted to learn from. Kayla wasn’t sure that Jim understood that. And Kathy was just now starting to because of her attraction to Eric.
Their damn relationship was undeniably odd. Kayla never ceased to wonder why they were not tighter. Why they didn’t do anything more than kiss? She knew that for a fact because Kathy told her. Jim never tried to peek at her boobs, much less, touch them.
That seemed abnormal to Kayla. What was it with Jim? She could only wonder. Finding this studious, negligent, anal man kind of interesting to her was more alarming to Kayla than learning that her good, lovely sister picked Eric to be sexual with.
Eric. Sure, he was hot and all that. He was kind to Kathy. He watched her incessantly, like she was the moon and stars and sun, all rolled into one. Any idiot could see he wasn’t doing it professionally to keep her safe anymore. Nope. Eric could kill anyone who said hello to her sister in a mean way. Yep, Eric was over the moon in love. Kayla wondered when he would act on it. But she was sure he would. Even if the kiss led to nothing but cold feet, Kayla knew nothing could stop or prevent the depth of feeling Eric so obviously harbored towards Kathy. It was just a matter of time until they worked through it.
And Jim had to be dumped. Hurt. Maybe. But in the long run, it was better for all concerned.
Kayla sometimes felt sorry for Jim. He couldn’t connect with her family or even his own fiancée. Yet he earned so much reverence, respect, and admiration from all the congregation and those who worked with him at the church.
Whom did Jim have? Other than Kathy, was anybody close to Jim? There were no friends he entertained. She grilled Kathy often enough to know
