“What happened was not your fault or mine. Remember that. I’ve been working here for years without anything like that…” They started walking together towards the reception room and Jim watched them fade away.
John, another member, came up next and Jim tuned back in.
Fatigue spread through Jim rapidly. Cutting the weekly services to just one in anticipation of a meager attendance was something Jim insisted on, knowing the toll it would take on him. Remembering the violence while trying to be positive and hopeful was a feat in itself and no way could he do that twice in one day.
When all the members passed through the greeting line, Jim joined the others. And darn. How his heart soared when he spotted Kayla’s face. She was sipping coffee or tea or hot chocolate; who knew? Talking to Kathy, she was nodding and dipping her fork into a frothy chocolate cake one of the parishioners baked.
Jim fought the urge to simply drop down next to her, put his head on her shoulder and close his eyes. Letting her wrap her arm around him and smoothing his hair like she so often did was such a luxury. He sighed. No. Not now. He still had a few other members to address. The three church elders wished to discuss some issues and drew him into the conversation. Jim received many compliments about his sermon today. Congratulations meant approval, so perhaps they wouldn’t lose the entire congregation. Jim was under a lot of pressure. But he knew the true credit belonged to Kayla. She allowed his words to flow, and gave him the strength to show up here, by making him face the room on his own terms.
After a good forty-five minutes of Jim working the room, he felt justified to flop down on the seat beside Kathy. He was across from Kayla and he really wanted to sit beside her but there was no space.
Kayla gave him a secret smile before averting her eyes to keep it from appearing obvious. Jim stayed neutral, longing to take her hand without smiling back. Just to be with her. But Kathy spoke so he turned to her with a polite smile. Not like the one he reserved for Kayla. Finally, Kathy spotted a friend and she jumped up to go visit with her. Jim gratefully turned to Kayla at the opportunity of having some relative privacy.
“Come over. Later.”
“Really? You’re not mad then?”
“No, you were right. Friendly face and all.” He pressed his eyes and shut them. When he opened them again, she tilted her head with a small, sympathetic smile.
“You’re exhausted. You only rub your eyes like that when you’re tired or stressed.” She smiled cheekily. “Or trying not to, you know, sex me up,” she said softly and her eyes sparkled with amusement and care.
A genuine smile formed on his lips. “I might be too tired for you know. I’m exhausted. That was hard. Exactly as I thought. But if not for you, I couldn’t have done it. And seeing you did make it easier for me to contribute.”
She gave him a smile. “I want to hold your hand.”
“I wanted to do the exact same thing.” They exchanged a private message through their eyes and both looked away in unison when Kathy returned.
“Wow. Everyone is totally blown away by you, Jim. They all agree you were amazing.”
He tried to tune into that sentiment graciously but he was so tired. Finally, he made an escape. He still had more members to talk to before he could personally evaluate their numbers and reactions. It was a good sign that today went so well. Opening the door to his apartment, he nearly groaned in relief when he saw Kayla was already there.
He didn’t say anything but marched up to her, grabbed her and hugged her tightly to him, burying his face in her hair. Something he wanted to do all day. He hugged her. At last.
Jim opened the door three days later and his entire life blew apart. Or else it came full circle. He wasn’t sure which occurred. He dreaded the event and never really believed it would happen. Yet it did. After all these years, and all the distance and the name changes and the moves, Jim was finally located.
By his father.
There he stood at the door.
Jim closed his eyes and let it all sink in. What he feared the most in dating a rock star’s daughter had come to fruition, but not in any way he foresaw.
“You saw the footage or photos from the church shooting.” Jim’s tone was hollow.
“Jim Zavarian. Stupid choice. Yeah, Jim Sylverton, I saw some photos.”
He opened the door and waited for his world to end.
His job. His church. His standing in the community. His reputation.
And worst of all, Kayla would know.
Dropping his head, his heart broke. He never escaped. It was all an illusion. His quest for a more righteous path? His need for redemption? Not with his history. His origins. His DNA.
And the irony wasn’t lost on him that another crazy, violent psycho was the very vehicle that brought his past right there to his doorstep.
Chapter 11
KAYLA DIDN’T HEAR FROM Jim the rest of the week. She didn’t know where they left off last Sunday but she thought significant progress was being made. They seemed to cross a threshold in their relationship that he still wouldn’t label or claim. His reaction at seeing her sneak into the church scared her at first. He literally quit talking right in the middle of the sermon when he spotted her. She feared he would ask her to leave. He made a nice save by pretending his emotions were what choked him up, not her. But still…
She also feared he’d be furious. But as it turned out, he was happy to see her and have her there in the audience, in every sense of the word.
As soon as he touched her, he
