Paul’s eyes closed for a moment then he opened them, reached across the table and grasped her hand.
She pulled it away. “Go date other people. Find someone else.”
“What if I want you?” He reached for her hand again, and this time, he kept hold of it even when she tried to pull it away. Her hand felt small inside his, delicate.
The temptation was strong to let him take care of her. To let him put his coat around her, hold her hand, soothe her worries.
He was strong and handsome. Caring and compassionate. The clink of glasses, the low voices of the men at the bar, the country music playing softly, all of it faded until there was nothing but her and Paul and this thing that shouldn’t happen, couldn’t happen, between them.
She needed to find some resolve, some way to go against her own heart and cut off this sweet and promising connection.
It’s for Davey, she told herself. Davey needs his dad, and who knows how Paul will feel if he finds out the truth.
“If you get together with me, people will feel sorry for you. They’ll think you’re a horrible father for doing this to Davey. They’ll ask you how I’m doing in that quiet church tone.” She heard her own voice getting louder. “They’ll say how skinny I am. They’ll think there’s something wrong with you for hooking up with another cancer victim.”
“Amber. Don’t get riled up.”
“Don’t tell me what to do and how to feel!” Now she was being loud and shrewish; she heard it in her own voice and hated it. She stood, looking down at him. “I’m sorry. But see, I’m scarred by this disease and it isn’t just physical. You would have a lot to deal with, just like you did with Wendy. Probably more.”
He stood, too, and grasped her arm, stroked it. “Hey, hey, calm down. We don’t have to figure all this out today.”
He was being kind. But everything she had said was true. He would have a lot to deal with, just like he had with Wendy. In fact, he didn’t even realize all he’d had to deal with regarding Wendy. He didn’t know the truth about her.
And he could never find out. And that meant that, even if their other barriers could be overcome, she could never get together with him. “There’s nothing to figure out,” she said. “We’re not having a relationship, and that’s that.”
AMBER HAD BEEN RIGHT. He knew she was right. They couldn’t have a relationship.
But Paul couldn’t forget yesterday’s kiss. Running his fingers through her soft hair, pulling her close and feeling how slender she was and yet how strong, finally, finally getting a taste of her lips. One touch and they’d ignited like a forest fire.
He knelt at the edge of Davey’s classroom, watching the kids greeting each other and having a few minutes of free play before the official start of class activities. The bright colors, the play areas full of educational toys and the happy voices of the children would lift anyone’s spirits.
Paul was glad he had agreed to help out today at the school. Not only was Davey thrilled, but it had given Paul a sure excuse not to work with Amber today.
Another woman came rushing in with her child, full of apologies for being late, taking off her coat. She was obviously the other parent helping in the classroom today, and when he recognized Laura, the mother who’d found Davey’s toy gun and bailed on the playdate, he groaned inside. He’d sent her an email on Sunday after talking to Georgiana and Ferguson, but she hadn’t answered.
He wouldn’t blame the woman for keeping her child away from him and Davey indefinitely. He might have done the same had their roles been reversed. But Davey had been begging for another playdate with Justin, so he guessed he would have to confront the mom today and find out whether she was holding a grudge against Davey and him.
The teacher was doing some kind of opening exercise now with the whole group, so Paul walked over to the side of the room where Laura was standing. “I don’t know if you got my email, but I spoke to Davey’s grandparents right after that playdate,” he said quietly. “Turns out they’re the ones who got him the gun. It’s gone, and they understand they are not to buy him any gun-type toys again.”
She looked at him blankly for a minute, and then seemed to process what he’d said. “Oh, my email, I haven’t checked it. Life has been crazy. I haven’t even had time to comb my hair, which you can probably tell.”
Paul chuckled. Nice to see another parent struggling in the trenches, the way he did every single day. And he could tell she hadn’t combed her hair, but she looked fine and he told her so. “I just wanted to apologize for upsetting you and Justin. I don’t think I’ve ever been so shocked as when you pulled out that plastic gun and handed it to me.”
“I was shocked to see it, too, and I probably overreacted,” Laura said. “Let’s set up another playdate soon.”
Good. That was that. The teacher called them into service, and they got their assignments helping the children at different stations. Paul was assigned the play kitchen, so he sat on the floor while the kids cooked pretend pizza and vegetables on the little stove. One of the little girls gave him a baby doll to hold, and another fed him plastic corn on the cob. When he exclaimed how good it was, several more kids clustered around him, clamoring to feed him what they’d cooked.
They were probably getting a little too loud and rowdy, but Paul couldn’t bring himself to scold them because Davey obviously loved having him here. He plopped himself into Paul’s lap, displaced the doll and took charge, making the kids line up to offer Paul their meals.
They were so innocent, so
