“Look.” Tucker threw the T-shirts into the suitcase and looked her square in the eye. “I don’t think you lied to me about how and why we broke up, but there’s got to be more to the story. You haven’t told me something, and I can’t—I can’t do this if you’re going to keep it from me.”
Avery shook her head. She’d never been more stunned in her life. “It went down just like I said. We were making plans to be together forever, and you broke it all apart. We’d even talked about me coming with you when you went to do your internship. You were excited to do it, and I wanted to be there with you, even if it meant going to college somewhere else.”
“Why would you do that? You’d dreamed of vet school your whole life. You even had a scholarship. Why would you throw that all away? It doesn’t make sense, Avery.”
A white-hot rage threatened to burn her up from the inside out. “That was my decision to make.” How many times did she have to say this? How many times before he finally understood? “It was my choice, because I loved you. Because I wanted to see you live your dream.”
Tucker took a step back as though she’d put her fingers on his chest and pushed him. She could see in his eyes that he was working something out, searching for something, but after a minute, he shook his head.
“I have to go. I have to figure this out. This—” He motioned between them. “Something about this isn’t right. I can’t be in a relationship right now with my mind all messed up.”
Her lips had gone numb with disappointment.
“What does this mean for Shanna, then? She adores you. She’s just getting to know you.”
Raw despair flickered over Tucker’s face. “I adore her, too. But I have to do this. I need some time to get away and get my head on straight. I need to figure things out. An important chunk of my memory is missing, and until I have it back, I can’t give you my whole self. I can’t give anybody my whole self.” He swiped a hand over his eyes. “I hoped it would come back on its own, but maybe I need to try a different tack.”
“Where are you going, then?” It was an absurd demand, and she knew it. She just didn’t care.
“I’m coming out of retirement for a gig.” His jaw worked. “One of my favorite magazines called. They want me to do a spread on a certain section of the Rockies. The money’s good, and it’ll give me time to do some thinking and figure things out.”
Money. This was all about money. “I intend to pay you back for the equipment you bought.” Why did she feel so desperate? “And your hours. You don’t need to pack up and leave town to replace the money you spent. If you remember, I didn’t ask you to spend that in the first place—”
Tucker waved a hand, cutting her off. “I don’t want your money. I’d rather you put it back into the clinic. Or save it for Shanna.”
Avery’s stomach sank. Tears sprang to the corners of her eyes, and one slipped out before she could stop it. Tucker sounded like he wasn’t going to come back, and all her worst nightmares had come true. She never should have entertained the idea of trusting him. She’d known better, from the day he showed up on her doorstep, confused and bleeding. Wounded. He’d been wounded, and she’d let him in. And in return, he’d wounded her. Again.
“You broke my heart the first time you left.” Avery’s voice wavered. She hated it, but there was no choice but to go on. “I won’t let you do it again.” A painful pressure took up residence in her lungs. Every breath was a struggle. “I—I’ve started to fall in love with you.” No. No. She shouldn’t be saying this, but now that she’d started, there was no stopping it. “I want you to be in my life. And I want you to be in Shanna’s life. But if you walk out on us right now, then—” She heard a strange whistling sound, like a kettle at a boil, only it was her own emotions raging. “When you’re done with your pity party about your actions in the past, it might be too late.” Avery stood tall. “Don’t expect things to be the same when you come back.”
Tucker said nothing.
The silence hurt more than everything else together—the last ten years, all the things that had happened between them while he was at her house…everything. It was more than a blow to her heart. It shook her to the core, to the soul. Avery’s throat ached. Why wouldn’t he just say something? Anything? She waited, and in spite of herself, she hoped. Five heartbeats ticked by, and then ten.
Too long. She’d waited too long. Avery turned on her heel and went out into the cold. She took deep gulps of the air, trying to get herself under control. Was she going to be sick? Maybe. But she wouldn’t do it here, in Tucker’s front yard. No way. She threw herself behind the front wheel of her truck and turned the key in the ignition, then backed out into the road.
Away, away, away, a voice cried inside her. Avery didn’t want to drive to her own farmhouse. She wanted to keep driving far into the day, and into the night, so far that she never thought about Tucker again.
But that was the thing, wasn’t it? She would think about Tucker. There was nowhere on the earth far enough from Benton Ridge. No distance would erase him from her mind. Avery found herself in her own driveway minutes later with no memory of the drive. Maybe that was how Tucker felt about their breakup, but she didn’t believe him. She still didn’t believe him. It was another excuse
