“You’re saying you feel bad for Green?” It was hard to comprehend.
“My ability to see the hows and whys of Green won’t make me gut him with any less enthusiasm,” Tag promised. “Do I understand him? Yes. Do I understand that he had no one growing up, that he was a pawn to his parents? They threw money at him, and then there wasn’t any more money and he was totally on his own. With the exception of the money being gone, who does that sound like?”
He sighed because he knew where Tag was going with this. “I know it sounds like Kim.”
“She knows damn straight that she could be in Levi Green’s place,” Tag replied.
“That’s bullshit.” She wasn’t like that. Yes, she’d made some hard calls, but she wouldn’t have sold her soul.
“No, it’s not.” Tag obviously wasn’t backing down. “In this, I understand her far better than you can. You’re one of those people who can’t be moved. It’s not in you to do the wrong thing. You’ve proven that time and time again.”
“I’m not freaking Captain America. I’ve got blood on my hands, too.”
“When killing a person meant saving others, yes, you did,” Tag agreed. “You put your job on the line to take out someone who was killing his own people when you were ordered to work with him because it was in the best interests of the United States. You’re the guy who can’t stand by when someone is being hurt. Not for any reason. It’s why you should always have been on the civilian side.”
He sat back, a lot of what Tag was saying settling in. Had he not spent so much time with Kai, he might have dismissed it all and hung on to his anger. “So what you’re saying is Kim sees herself in what’s going on with Levi. There’s a part of her that understands why he did the things he did. He wanted to belong. He wanted to be important. He did everything his bosses wanted him to and more, and they are going to ruin him for it. But she wouldn’t have done any of it.”
Tag pointed his way. “That’s your righteous self doing the talking. You don’t know that. She’s chosen her job over you before.”
“Because I pushed her away.”
Tag sat back. “I do think you’re the difference, but Solo knows she could have gone down that path given the right circumstances. And just for a second, she felt bad for him. It doesn’t mean she loves the asshole. It means she knows what it feels like to be left adrift. And the part at the end about going to Sanctum was about you being a whiny man bitch who didn’t honor your marriage vows.”
“I never cheated on her.” He hadn’t even thought of another woman when he’d been with Kim. Hell, even when he wasn’t with her, he barely seemed to think of anyone but her.
“No, but you left her,” Tag pointed out. “For better or worse, my man. If you can’t honor that, let her go and find someone who can because that woman could have found you with a gun in your hand standing over a dead body, and all she would have asked was how she could help. Maybe you need someone a little less dark than Solo.” Tag started to stand.
He didn’t want to leave things like this, and if there was one person who knew how to handle some darkness it was Tag. “I love her. She’s the only woman I’ll ever love, and I worry that the minute she’s safe, she’s going to leave me again. I’m worried she won’t let me back in and the only connection we’re going to have for the rest of our lives will be Roman. I love my son. I didn’t even know I could love someone the way I love that kid, but I want to be a family. I want my wife back. What do I do to get her back? How do I prove to her that I’ve changed and I won’t leave her alone again?”
It had been the worst thing he’d done in his life. He’d abandoned her when she’d needed him. Maybe if he’d stayed with her she would have trusted him enough to tell him about his brother. Maybe they wouldn’t have wasted all those years.
Tag stopped. “You really want her? You have to stop the bullshit with Levi. He’s the bad guy. He’s on the other side and she’s not in the middle, man. She never was. For years you treated this like a love triangle. She can’t be in a love triangle with her fucking stalker, and she can’t trust anyone who thinks she would. So let that go.”
He felt a bit weary. Why had he opened his stupid mouth? He knew her deep down. “I have. I know I had a moment of weakness, but I see it now. I can be dumb.”
“It’s good that you acknowledge that. The second thing you have to do is all about anger.”
Beck shook his head. “I’m not mad at her.”
“No, but she’s furious with you. I don’t think she knows how angry she is with you. She won’t acknowledge it.”
“I know.” He felt it every day. The only time she’d truly softened had been when they’d made love the night before. “She needs to let it out. She needs to yell at me and call me
