“I won’t.” Beck turned her way, and she felt the weight of all his stubborn will. “Come with me. Roman, I’m going to talk to your mom and then we’ll be back. Ezra, try not to lose my son.”
Before she could say anything, she felt Beck’s hand on her arm, leading her down the hallway. He was right. They shouldn’t have this argument in front of their son.
How would she explain to Roman that yes, his dad was back, but he lived in the States and they wouldn’t see him. Unless…
“What did you mean you aren’t leaving? You can’t promise Roman things like that.” Kim turned on him as soon as they got to the small bedroom they’d spent the night before in.
He closed the door behind him, and the room seemed to get even smaller. “Why won’t you come back to Dallas?”
“Because it’s not my home.”
“No, it’s mine, and it’s the safest place for you and Roman right now. So explain to me why you’re fighting me on this.”
“You don’t know that it’s safe. You don’t know anywhere is safe. And don’t pretend like you’re the only one who can protect him. What the hell is that about?”
He pointed a finger her way. “You are out of practice. You panicked yesterday. You need me. So if I can’t get you back to Dallas, then I’ll uproot my life and move into the fort.”
That would almost be worse. He wouldn’t even have a job to go to. He would be close to her all day. He would try to take his place as Roman’s father, and she wouldn’t be able to hold back. And it would all go wrong because that’s what happened with them. Why would she put herself through that again? Why would he want to? “I don’t want you there.”
He stared at her for a moment as though assessing how to proceed. “This is not you. You are a practical, logical woman. You know that going back to Malta isn’t what’s best for you or Roman. So what are you really afraid of?”
He was right. She wasn’t being practical, but she couldn’t seem to give in to him. “I don’t want to be around you.”
“No, that’s not it either. Or maybe it is, but not because you’re afraid of me.”
Stubborn will rose inside her. “Do you honestly believe I’ve been pining after you all these years? After everything you did?”
“Baby, you lied to me about my brother’s death.” His voice had gone low, intimate. That deep baritone of his was a caress she could feel against her skin. “I’m really hoping you can take my lead and forgive me for some stupid, cruel words that I did not mean. Now tell me why you won’t come with me.”
He’d been slowly moving her back until she was against the wall with nowhere to run.
“I don’t want you.” The words came out awfully breathy, even to her own ears. And they were a lie. She already wanted him again. She might have spent the last few years tricking herself into the belief that he had no more power over her, but he’d so recently proven he could upend her whole world with his mere presence.
His hand came up and flattened against the wall next to her head. He gazed down at her. “Who said anything about wanting me?”
Frustration welled, and it was all with herself. “I meant I don’t want you around.”
“That’s not what you said. You said you didn’t want me, and as we’re two people who created a whole other human being because we wanted each other so much, I think that’s exactly what those words meant. I also think you’re lying.”
“You always think I’m lying.”
“I’m sorry I did that to you. Although, again, you were lying about some very important things. But I know you’re lying about this. Do you know how I know? Because I pushed you away all those years for the very same reasons.”
“You pushed me away because you were an asshole, and I should have listened to you. You didn’t want me. You didn’t want us. I was wrong, Beck.”
“No. You weren’t wrong. I pushed you because if I’d let you close even once, we would have more than one kid now. What do you say, Kim? You want to give it another go? Roman might like a little brother. We’ll make sure he’s not an asshole like mine.”
The idea of having another baby with Beck…she pushed at his chest. “Yeah, that’s happening. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re not exactly young anymore.”
“All I’ve noticed is how gorgeous you are.” He moved back, giving her the space she’d demanded. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed your face, your body? How lonely I’ve been without you?”
She hadn’t even thought about it. The day before had been so hectic, and then she’d been weary. It was the only reason she’d let him climb into bed with her. It had nothing to do with the fact that she’d felt safe for the first time in seven years. But she hadn’t asked him about the life he’d left behind when he’d come after her. “Somehow I doubt you’ve been lonely. If you’re working in Dallas, I suspect you spend your nights at Sanctum.”
A brow rose over his eyes. “Is that what you’re worried about? That I’ve been sleeping around?”
“I don’t care.”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone but my own trusty hand since the last time I saw you.” He carefully enunciated each word, as though he wanted to make her believe them.
“Bullshit.”
“No. I didn’t want anyone except you. You. And honestly, the sex I had between our divorce and that night in Paris was more about trying to push you away than it was finding pleasure or happiness. I kept every relationship physical, and there weren’t all that many. Three women. One of them was a one-night stand. The other two were friends with benefits that ended when they found a
