Maverick defeats one of his other instructors, Jester, in a sortie exercise, but breaks the rules of engagement, which kind of seems like it should not count as winning? In celebration, he buzzes the tower and makes the tower man spill his coffee. Maverick loves to buzz the tower. (That’s what he calls it when he shaves his pubes.)
Iceman confronts Maverick afterward for breaking the rules, being reckless, and abandoning other pilots to do whatever he thinks will get him the most attention.
Iceman: You’re everyone’s problem. That’s because every time you go up in the air you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous.
Wow, some very clear and constructive communication there from Iceman!
Maverick: That’s right. Ice…man. I am dangerous.
MAVERICK. IT IS BAD TO BE DANGEROUS. YOU ARE FLYING A MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR WARPLANE PRESUMABLY CHUNKY-STUFFED WITH WEAPONS THAT COULD KILL LOTS OF PEOPLE AND POTENTIALLY CAUSE A GLOBAL WAR IF USED IMPROPERLY.
HOW IS ICEMAN THE VILLAIN OF THIS MOVIE???????
BECAUSE HE LIKES SAFETY???????????????????????
THIS IS HOW AMERICA BECAME A HOTSPOT OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
Because my generation was raised to believe not just that safety is for dweebs but that it’s EVIL! Maverick is a full psycho and would definitely be at the “reopen America” protests because he wants the RIGHT to get his b-hole waxed even if he isn’t actually GOING to go get his b-hole waxed and even though he knows that many thousands more marginalized and high-risk people will die and many b-hole waxing businesses will ultimately fail because you cannot sustain an economy on a handful of slobbering fascists who feel the need, the need for a Jamba Juice. Goose alludes to some dark past involving Maverick’s dad, who was also a fighter pilot: “Every time we go up there, it’s like you’re flyin’ against a ghost.” And I’m sorry, but that is not an excuse! Go to therapy! You can be in a men’s group with Snape!
After several days of doing heavy sex innuendo during class, the civilian contractor invites Maverick over for dinner at 5:00 p.m. But before dinner, it’s………beach volleyball time!
This is the famous volleyball scene, where all the guys—Goose, Maverick, Iceman, Pickle, Scabby, Shredder, Splinter, Bebop, Rocksteady, Dave, and Cornholio—oil up and spike the hogskin for a few days. Ohhhhhh, do I ever I wish I were that volleyball! Yeah, hit me with the tops of both of your wrists, boys! Unghhhh!
Maverick is late to dinner because he volleyballed too hard-core, but when he tells her he’s “just gonna take a quick shower” (it’s HER HOUSE!), she’s like, “No, I’m hungry, and I prefer you very wet from volleyball on my furniture.” A parrot watches. They decide to date even though she’s his teacher and, let’s be honest, reads…fifteen years older? Which, to be clear, is only because Tom Cruise looks a full Dennis the Menace twelve here.
In class, Charlie uses one of Maverick’s dumb maneuvers as an example of what NOT to do while flying a plane, so he flounces off angrily to his motorbikey. She tries to explain to him that she’s still gotta be his teacher, but he’s like VROOM VROOM VROOM away into the twilight! She chases him in her car, and they jeopardize many lives. When she finally catches up, she insists, “My review of your flight performance was right on,” (YES), but then admits that she sees some real genius in his flying but she couldn’t say that in there because she’s afraid that they’ll see that she’s falling for him. UGH! ET TU, CHARLIE!?
Indeed, it is incredibly inappropriate, and as we have just seen, dangerous, that you are falling for your student! You already can’t give him necessary and valid feedback on his flying because of his lacy-crispy-wafer-thin ego! This is bad!
Then they do it. Sex.
Another day, another flying exercise where Maverick abandons his wingman to chase individual glory because he thinks he’s the only person who matters. Maverick and Goose feel the need, the need for speed, but I wish they would feel the need for weed and maybe take a nap once in a while?
Iceman once again confronts Maverick for being dangerous and foolish and is once again correct.
Goose’s wife, Meg Ryan, comes to town and they all have a great party and get wasted and Goose plays “Great Balls of Fire” on the piano. Meg Ryan tells Charlie all about Maverick’s many previous erotique lovers, but assures her that he is extremely hot for teacher now and, yes, don’t worry, you should definitely trust that guy! He’s absolutely not the exact floor model of a dude who would fat-shame you while you’re pregnant and then bang your couples counselor because he’s a “super-feeler.” For sure marry this unhinged tween!
It’s the next day. They’re out flying again. Something goes wrong. (I forget.) Maverick and Goose start to crash. They have to eject. But Goose’s hatch thingy doesn’t detach properly and he blasts straight into the dome exactly like a goose flying into a plate glass window! They parachute into the sea, but Maverick can tell that Goose already died. It was Goose’s last honk.
If only he had stuck to boogie-woogie piano.
Maverick is really sad. Meg Ryan tells him, “God, he loved flying with you, Maverick…He’d have flown anyway without you. He’d have hated it, but he’d have done it.” What? Why would he have done it if he hated it? What???
Maverick flies bad now. He’s scared. He blames himself for Goose’s death. He
