Kimble needs to get out of his prison jumpsuit ASAP, and luckily he sees a dude take off all his clothes and leave them in the front seat of his car with the windows down in the middle of winter in Chicago. He then sneaks into the hospital, sews up his wound, shaves his beard, steals Mr. Johnson’s breakfast sandwich and big shirt, stops to save the life of toothbrush guard real quick AGAIN, and narrowly escapes detection with thrilling audacity.
I mean, is there a better moment in all of cinema than this???
State Trooper: Hey, Doc! We’re looking for a prisoner from that bus/train wreck a couple of hours ago. Might be hurt.
Dr. Richard Kimble: Uh, what does he look like?
State Trooper: 6′1″, 180, brown hair, brown eyes, beard. See anyone like that around?
Dr. Richard Kimble: Every time I look in the mirror, pal. Except for the beard, of course!
Reader, I just had sex with that dialogue!!!! And it rocked!
Kimble steals an ambulance to get away because when you’re trying to escape detection, it’s good to put your body inside something covered in flashing lights that is instantly missed. Now he’s on the run in an ambulance!
Of course it must be acknowledged that The Fugitive is a movie all about men, where women don’t do very much except die or sometimes hold a clipboard. It’s all men who are the boss, but who is the most boss of the men??? Is it the Harrison Ford kind of boss, or the Tommy Lee Jones kind of boss? They’re both your dad, but which is the best spanker?????
This is allowed because in 1993 it was still okay to make movies all about men, as their contract wasn’t up yet.
Now Kimble is trapped in a tunnel, but he tricks the cops by crawling on the floor and into the sewer and the cops have never heard of holes before. But Tommy has! Now Tommy chases Richard through the sewers! Tommy drops the gun, now Richard has the gun! Oops, now Tommy has another gun! He’s a two-gun Jones!
THIS IS THE WHOLE MOVIE RIGHT HERE:
“I didn’t kill my wife!”
“I don’t care!”
Tommy Lee Jones is a guy that can tell you to shut up and you don’t mind.
Okay, now the sewer is also a dam. Kimble is trapped and he’s gotta make a choice. Get shot, get lethal injected, or jump off the dam. He jumps off the dam.
Tommy’s team wants to go home and lie down straightaway, but Tommy says no. He’s got a feeling this guy knows how to jump off a dam and be fine.
WELL, HE’S RIGHT.
Richard is very cold but he is alive. He wakes up and he knows what he has to do: You find that man! You find that man! Richard gets some hair dye and becomes Dark & Natural. Now Richard is on top again. And the one-armed man? Is on bottom.
Meanwhile, the marshals raid a house because they think Kimble is there, but whoops, it’s one of the other guys from the prisoner bus, who they kill, which I hate. Wait, so someone called the cops and said, “There’s a fugitive from that prison bus accident hiding at this address, but I WON’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE! Hee-hee!” Who’s the whistleblower? Rumpelstiltskin?
Anyway, Tommy Lee Jones shoots the guy and it makes his friend Curly Boy deaf, which is confusing because surely Tommy was way closer to the gun? Because he was shooting it? Tommy hates it when people on his team get hurt, but also he lives by a code.
Curly Boy: It’s terrible. I’m going to have permanent hearing damage. [WHY??]
Tommy: I don’t bargain.
Tommy Lee Jones is the hero and the villain! This is the gorgeous umami flavor of The Fugitive!
Richard sneaks into another hospital to infiltrate the prosthetics department and steal their one-armed files. The marshals hear from Kimble’s rat lawyer that Kimble hasn’t left Chicago, which gets Tommy’s Tommy sense aflame. He starts to wonder: What is this guy’s deal? Why isn’t he leaving Chicago? Why would he kill his wife in the first place? The dumb cops say it was for the money, but Tommy knows that a vascular king like Richard doesn’t need insurance bucks: “What do you mean he did it for the money? He’s a doctor, he’s rich!” Haven’t you seen his truly breathtaking modern staircase? At this point, on The First 48, one of the detectives would say, “I dunno, Fingerman, I don’t like this guy for this.” Tommy is starting to not like this guy for this. Unfortunately, that’s not Tommy’s job. He “don’t care.”
Or do he???????????????????????????????
Tommy interviews Richard’s colleague Chuck, who tells him, “If you want help, gentlemen, you’ve come to the wrong man. Richard is innocent.” Wow! What a loyal and trustworthy best friend! I would happily place my liver in Chuck’s tender care any day.
Kimble has rented a room from an old woman and he falls asleep reading Atlas of Limb Prosthetics, which sounds impossible, I know. Suddenly, uh-oh! The cops are raiding another house, and this time it is Richard’s! You think it’s all over for Kimble, but it turns out they’re just looking for the old woman’s gross Polish son.
;) <—-—-—-—- tfw u think the cops found u but it’s just the gross polish son
Rick heads back to the hospital, where he impersonates a janitor. Using his years of being janitored upon as reference, he does the job of janitor with surprising success. Way more successful than the time the janitor had to pretend to be a surgeon!1
He sneaks
