God.
Who knew, she thought hysterically, who fucking knew it was another F-bomb that would make her break down?
God.
She stumbled a step back, but it was too late. That fucking F-bomb...resurrected all the memories she had tried so hard to bury.
Because once—-
A magical night among the many magical nights that she used to share with him—-
A magical night that, at that time, she had believed was real.
And in that one magical night, while basking in the warmth of his embrace, she had asked him sleepily, Why did you keep saying 'fuck'? Did you really hate me that much?
Yes, he had told her, and no. I had my reasons for disliking you, but more than that, it was because every time you came close, I couldn't help wanting you.
"Tahey—-"
The memories crumbled at the hoarse sound of Dmitry's voice, and she choked back a sob.
God.
What a fool she had been.
When he told her that, she had actually found herself feeling tickled pink...
God.
She couldn't believe how much of an idiot she had been about him, so foolishly crazy in love with him that she actually felt glad, knowing she had made him say 'fuck'.
And now—-
Oh God, she only had to hear him say 'fuck', and...
No. No. No.
She looked up at him. "Why are you here?" she asked painfully. "What else can you possibly want—-"
"You said you loved me," he gritted out.
She stared at him.
And then she was laughing, a tiny hysterical sound that had his jaw clenching at how fragile she sounded.
"It's like what you said," Tahey finally managed to say. "I'm an idiot—-"
"Are you waiting for me to beg?"
"No." She shook her head, so tired that she couldn't even manage to feel dismayed or appalled Dmitry would think that. "I'm waiting—-"
"Because I'd beg if you wanted me to."
Tahey's heart nearly stopped beating.
"Actually..." His throat tightened. "I'm begging right now—-" But when he tried to reach for her, she jumped back, a look of such fear on her pale, lovely face that he froze in shock.
"No." Tahey was white-faced in her terror. "No."
"I wronged you, Tahey." And this time, he heard his own voice turning rough with emotion. "I was blind with grief and bitterness. And I wronged you—-"
"Please s-stop—-"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you—-"
Tahey shook her head wildly. "Stop it—-"
"I know I don't deserve to ask you this," he forced himself to say, "but please come back. Please—-"
"I c-can't."
"I love you, Tahey."
Tahey gripped her chest. Oh God. It hurt so, so much. Once, she'd have done everything to hear those words. But not anymore.
"That's just guilt," she whispered. "But you don't really love me, Dmitry. I don't think you ever can."
The finality of her words ravaged him, and Dmitry could barely breathe at the pain of it. "Tahey, please..." He could feel his own eyes stinging, but he couldn't even feel embarrassed about this, was too terrified of losing her that he couldn't think of anything else. "Please—-"
"Thomas will always be between us—-"
"Listen to me, please."
And to Tahey's shock, Dmitry dropped to his knees in front of her. Her proud Dmitry, kneeling in the middle of a stable, and her heart just couldn't take it. "Don't do this, Dmitry, please—-"
"I went to see your father."
The rest of Tahey's words died.
"And he's the reason why..." Dmitry swallowed hard. "I'm working hard to forgive him, Tahey."
A sob caught in her throat.
"Talking to him, I realized...I was lucky. Because when I started Strakh Inc., it only took a short while before I became desensitized to all the death. It became all too easy to get used to playing judge and executioner. It's a slippery slope, when you think you know what's best, and if I didn't have Sasha and the others...if we didn't have each other..." Dmitry's jaw clenched anew. 'It would've been all too easy to fall into the same trap your father did and start thinking that the ends would justify the means."
Tahey's tears were falling nonstop, but this time...
Oh God.
She clutched at her chest. It was hurting more than ever, but the pain...
"We were lucky," Dmitry repeated forcefully. "We had someone to pull us back before any of us could ever cross the line. But your father...he didn’t have anyone. You were too young, and after losing your mother...he made a mistake. A mistake that killed my sister and so many others, but..."
Dmitry waited for Tahey to say something, but all he could hear was her sobs, and he wondered if perhaps...
God.
What if he was the fucking exception, he thought dully, rather than the rule?
What then?
He tried to imagine a life without her—-
God.
And it was just fucking impossible.
Just fucking impossible.
And he could only squeeze his eyes shut at the pain of it.
God.
He hadn't prayed for years, but for his Tahey...
Please God.
Please.
And when he opened his eyes—-
Tahey was kneeling in front of him.
Crying.
And he could only ask in a voice raw with fear and regret-—
"Am I too late, baby?"
Her arms wrapped around him. "Never." Her arms tightened, and it was then he heard God answer his prayer as Tahey choked out, "I love you."
He closed his eyes. Thank you. And then his own arms wrapped around his heaven-sent gift. "I love you, Tahey. I love you. I love you."
Epilogue
It was the last Sunday before Christmas, and Tahey had just lied to her husband. She had told him she was flying to Wyoming for a quick visit, but in truth, she had taken a commercial flight to Arizona.
Unlike before, Tahey was now certain of Dmitry's love, so certain that she knew Dmitry would never say a word against her father again, much less keep her from seeing Thomas anytime she wanted.
But all the same, she wanted to cause as little pain to him as possible. She knew, even without him saying a word, that Dmitry - along with Sasha and Drake, too, who used to date their little sister - would always grieve his sister's loss. She knew this because her heart had never healed
