Probably not. But he doesn’t need to know that. I remain quiet.
“Oh, all right,” Dimitri sighs. “Come closer.”
I approach him in some sort of daze, my lips stretching into a wide grin. I’ve won. He’s about to evaluate me.
“Take off your shirt,” he orders.
I execute his request. I stand in front of him, wearing only my pants and tiny undershirt. I feel nervous. Girls aren’t supposed to reveal too much skin when they’re around men. But of course it’s different with Dimitri. He has to know what he’s about to sell.
He directs me to turn around, checking my arms and back for sores. My skin is clear. He asks me to open my mouth and checks my teeth. I become even tenser, because I have a couple of missing teeth on the left side of my lower jaw. You can’t really notice it when I smile, and it doesn’t bother me when I’m eating. But I’ve heard masters prefer servants with better teeth.
“Too skinny,” Dimitri finally says. “Do you eat enough?”
“I eat a lot, master.”
“All right then. Put your shirt back on before you catch cold.”
I dress, shivering. Will he allow me to be part of the Exchange? Am I good enough?
“I’m stronger than I look,” I mutter. “And I’m a fast learner.”
“I’m well aware of that,” Dimitri says, still hesitant. “But is this what you really want? Are you positive about your decision to be sold?”
“Yes, master.”
“You won’t be able to return, should you change your mind. I’d be more than willing to buy you back, but another master may not agree to sell you. You understand that?”
I nod.
“What about your mother?”
My throat tightens and I have to remind myself to breathe. My mother…
“She wants me to live in Central Settlement,” I lie.
I don’t think Dimitri believes me but he finally gives in, allowing me to participate in today’s Exchange. I leave his office and head back into the living room area. I find Lady Augusta sitting on a sofa, reading a book.
“I’m to take part in the Exchange!” I blurt out, laughing and running toward her. “He’s agreed to sell me!”
I stop short a few feet away from her, giggling stupidly, having once again forgotten the rules.
“Well,” she sighs. “Maybe it’s all for the best. Maybe things will work out fine for you.”
She rises from her seat and throws her arms around me, kissing me lightly on the cheek.
“Just be careful, child,” she whispers, stroking my hair gently.
I stand motionless, utterly stunned by her show of affection. Sad to say, my own mother never hugs or kisses me. Sometimes I secretly wish I were Augusta’s daughter. Other times I feel ashamed for even having such thoughts.
***
Dreamy minded like a lovesick girl, I stroll back toward the shack where my mother and I live. It’s smaller and uglier than most in the Recycling village. Low-ceilinged, with no furniture to speak of, save a small ancient stove and self-made table. The single tiny window is barely enough to provide meager lighting during the day. Still, this is the place where I grew up. The darkness and tight space bring comfort and a feeling of safety. Of course, we don’t really own this shack. Servants can’t own anything. But that we’re allowed to live here is good enough, I guess.
I enter the shack, hunkering down to pass through the small doorway. My mother lies resting on a blanket in her corner of the room after her shift. I sit on the floor and watch her sleep. She has a hollow face and prematurely graying hair. My mother is an outcast just like me. Other servants avoid her as if she’s contagious. When she goes outside, her head is always lowered, back slouched and eyes full of guilt. She’s a woman with no husband raising a child alone, which is considered shameful in our village. I’ve never seen my father and don’t have a clue who he might be. My mother never speaks about her past, and I often wonder what made her the way she is. Was she born so spiritless? Or maybe something terrible happened to her before I was even born? I have no idea.
I don’t want to sleep, but fatigue finally takes over. I’ve been awake the entire night, and my eyelids are heavy. I think about the Exchange, Lady Augusta’s beautiful dress and my future. I doze on and off, neither fully awake nor asleep.
My mother wakes, smiling sleepily upon seeing me. I shake off my drowsiness.
“Where have you been?” she asks softly.
I pause before answering because I usually keep my visits to the master’s mansion private.
“I went to see Master Dimitri,” I say.
“Kora! How many times have I told you not to bother the master?”
I sigh, feeing annoyed.
“I worry for you,” she adds. “It’s too dangerous.”
“Lady Augusta and Dimitri really like me,” I say. “They’re friends of mine. My only friends.”
“They’re your masters, Kora. And you’re their servant. You should never forget your place.”
I don’t reply. I’m sick of always having to remember my low, miserable status in life.
“You can’t trust masters,” my mother whispers. “They can do whatever they please with you. You have to learn to be careful.”
“Augusta and Dimitri are different,” I say, feeling protective. “They both care about me. I’ve asked them to let me participate in the Exchange.” I pause, knowing she doesn’t want me to leave her. “Master Dimitri has agreed to sell me,” I add.
“Oh, what have you done,” she mutters.
Guilt burns through me like acid.
“You know it’s the only way for me, momma,” I say desperately. “I have to do it. I can’t spend my entire life in this place.”
“You won’t survive anywhere else. Other masters won’t put up with you, Kora.
