“But I just don’t know.”
“Of course you do.”
I become silent, thinking. What do I really want? I ask myself. Who am I? Just a desperate girl who is used to following orders, one who needs somebody to make all her decisions for her. Weak, overemotional, and filled with self-pity. And then an image of Samuel holding the lit match crosses my mind. I feel a rush of anger.
“I can’t do what I really want,” I say. “I’m not strong enough.”
“You’re stronger than you think,” Jingfay smiles. “You want to help your friends and take revenge for your mother, don’t you?”
“I don’t know how I can do all that. How did you free the servants? How did you find so much courage and strength?”
Jingfay shrugs. “I don’t know. I admit I was scared. But there was nobody else who could help those people. I just did what had to be done.”
I take a deep breath, my eyes lowered. I still have no clue what to do.
***
After supper Wreck approaches and says, “Kora, we only have three beds in this house. Jin will sleep in one, Maxie and Tanya will share another, and you’ll have to share the third bed with me.” He grins broadly. “Sorry, but we have no choice.”
“Shut up,” Maxine groans. “Kora will sleep with me, and you’re gonna sleep on the floor, Kris. Tanya will take your bed.”
“That’s just not fair! I hate you, Maxie.”
“I hate you too, Kris,” Maxine smiles sweetly, taking my hand. “Come with me. Don’t worry about that goofball.”
She leads me away, leaving her disappointed brother behind.
Once we’re alone in her bedroom, I ask carefully, “Maxine, is there something wrong with Kris? Is he… sick?”
“Oh,” she sighs. “Did my brother have one of his loony episodes?”
I nod.
“Well,” she says. “I told you how he is a big mess. Something really terrible happened to Kris before mom found him in the woods. He was only about eleven or twelve. He didn’t speak for a few weeks. We even thought at first he was mute. After mom brought him home, we fed him and put him to bed, and the following morning we found him in the kitchen. He’d slit his wrist.” She pauses, her expression sad. “Kris stayed with us for five years before joining the rangers. He’d never so much as visited the village before. His first few months here, he refused going outside, staying inside all the time. Mom and I were the only people he spoke with.” She smiles. “But he seems to be doing much better now, doesn’t he?”
“I guess so,” I answer, deep in thought.
What happened to Wreck? What is he hiding from me? I need to know. I don’t fully understand why it has become so important to me, but I must learn the truth about this strange guy.
Lying in bed, I close my eyes and will myself to stop thinking about him. I have more important things to worry about. Tomorrow is my initiation day. And I still haven’t decided whether I should allow Wreck to drug me or not.
CHAPTER 34
In the morning, Wreck and I walk back through the woods toward the village, which is not far from Jin’s. We should make it back before noon. I can’t stop thinking of what Maxine told me about her step-brother.
“These fits you have,” I say carefully. “What are they?”
“Must be some sorta PTSD,” he mutters.
“What?”
“Oh, never mind. It’s nothing too serious. Doesn’t happen often, maybe once or twice a month.” He looks away. “I’m really sorry you had to witness that.”
“It’s okay,” I shrug, feeling sympathetic. “What do you do when you’re alone and there’s nobody around to comfort you?”
“Try to survive till morning,” he answers flatly.
“Isn’t there anything that might help? Like some herbs or something?”
“I told you I can’t take that stuff, not with my current lifestyle. They make you real drowsy, and you have to take them regularly to achieve any noticeable difference.”
I want to ask what caused his loony episodes, but already know he wouldn’t say. Instead I ask, “Have you ever… hurt anybody during a fit?”
“Yeah, only once though. I almost killed a guy.”
“Who was he?”
Wreck pulls up the sleeve of his hoodie, showing me a scar on his wrist. I offer no comment.
“Anyway, today is your initiation day,” he changes the subject. “Ready for some fun?”
I remain quiet.
“Kora,” he says. “We’re getting really close to the village. You’d better make up your mind.”
“Do I really have a choice?” I sigh. “Tartis would order Tanya and I killed, should I refuse to go through with the initiation.”
“We could just run off somewhere, you know,” he offers. “I told you that you don’t have to go through this ritual if you don’t want to. We’ll do whatever you want, all right? I’m not joking. I really mean it.”
I glance at him. Is he really willing to leave everything behind and run away with me? Why would he offer that? He’s only known me for what… five, six days?
I will myself to stop thinking about Wreck and focus on my initiation. Should I even do it? I don’t know. I doubt it. But even the tiniest possibility of learning my destiny is so tempting.
“I’m going to take Deathfall root,” I say after a few minutes of silence. “I have to try to find out who I really am.”
***
Back at his shack, Wreck hands me a few fresh leaves. “This will prepare your body for taking the Deathfall and lessen your anxiety. Sorry, but you can’t eat anything else today.”
I obediently take the leaves from his hand and place them into my mouth, without even asking what effect they may have.
