Other Schiffer Books by the Author:
Just One Thing!, ISBN: 978-0-7643-5162-4
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A Promise Stitched in Time by Colleen Kosinski, ISBN: 978-0-7643-5554-7
The President and Me: John Adams and the Magic Bobblehead by Deborah Kalb, ISBN: 978-0-7643-5556-1
Copyright © 2018 by Nancy Viau
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018934129
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Designed by Brenda McCallum
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ISBN: 978-0-7643-5580-6
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CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE Long, Long Ago in a Land Called Pennsylvania
CHAPTER TWO Three Time’s the Charm
CHAPTER THREE The Princess and the Plan
CHAPTER FOUR The Pied Piper and the Pipe
CHAPTER FIVE One Day My Prince Will Come
CHAPTER SIX Beauty and the Butthead
CHAPTER SEVEN Bubble, Bubble, Toil, and Trouble
CHAPTER EIGHT Practically Not Perfect in Every Way
CHAPTER NINE Awesome Is as Awesome Does
CHAPTER TEN The Wicked Truth
CHAPTER ELEVEN There Once Was a Caveman
CHAPTER TWELVE The Big Bad Bug
CHAPTER THIRTEEN The Wimpy Dragon Slayer
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Once Upon a Style
CHAPTER FIFTEEN The Princess’s New Clothes
CHAPTER SIXTEEN A Classic Failure Tale
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN In a Small Village Park
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Queen for a Day
CHAPTER NINETEEN An Invitation to the Ball
CHAPTER TWENTY Be Our Guest
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE A Damsel in Distress
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO You Shall Have a Daughter
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE The Maiden’s Lost Mojo
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR Dressed for the Part or Partly Dressed
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE The Sporty Dorkling
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX The Three Little Bigs
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN Mirror, Mirror
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT Roxanne, Roxanne, Let Down Their Hair
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE Hi Ho, Oh No, to the Skate-Off We Will Go
CHAPTER THIRTY Just Keep Skating
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE The Never-Ending Beginning
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO And They Lived Happily Ever After
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A big thank you to those who helped me create this story—from editors, agents, and friends who read first drafts to those who offered suggestions for revision right up until the very end.
A special thanks to my family. Your support, encouragement, and patience means the world to me.
To the amazing, hard-working team at Schiffer Publishing, I appreciate everything you do.
And finally, a loving thank you to my wonderful parents, who had the best intentions when they sent me to charm school to polish my social graces. (See, Mom and Dad? I turned out just fine.)
***
Long, Long Ago in a Land Called Pennsylvania
My obsession with princesses was my mom’s fault.
It started with an outfit she bought at the mall. Cinderella was my favorite fairy-tale character, and she thought it’d be sweet if Cindy and I matched. I couldn’t have been more thrilled! I pranced around in that blue puff of satin fluff and told everybody—including the paper boy, the mail carrier, and the TV repair lady—that I was Cinderella and that I actually slept in the attic. I whistled at the birds, swept the carpet, and pretended that Butch, our dog, was my fairy godmother.
When it came time for preschool, I dressed in a jumper and an apron, transforming myself into a peasant girl. An imaginary beast was my princely friend, and I was destined to be his princess. I made sure my beast sat with me during snack and nap time, and I got very angry when the teachers ignored him. Cranky Mrs. Higgins told my parents I was a difficult child, and that I’d be better off in another school.
Every night I’d slip into my mermaid princess bathing suit, and splash in the tub until my fingers and toes were raisins. I felt that if I stayed in there long enough, I’d grow a tail—a glistening green-and-purple tail, complete with fins. Dad let me have my way until his patience went down the drain, and he airlifted me into a towel, kicking and screaming.
I felt a special connection to all princesses. I had no doubt that I, Bernice Baransky, would grow up to be exactly like them—beautiful and charming. I would marry a prince. I would live in a castle. And I would live happily ever after.
But that was then.
This is now.
Now, I’m twelve. Practically a grownup. I’m not beautiful or charming, and I’m totally over the princess thing. So, I have to
