And suddenly, any pity I might have had for him and his potential vanished. So what if he was rotting away inside? He only had himself to blame.
‘Fancy listening to some music?’ Scanlon said, after a while.
‘Whatever,’ I said, staring out of the window. ‘Knock yourself out.’
BACK AT THE Haunted House, Crawler appeared.
‘We need to chat,’ he said to Scanlon. ‘Get the others.’
Once Isolde, the Girl With No Name, Theo, Obediah and Vanessa were gathered in Vanessa’s fake boardroom, Crawler fixed us all with his usual empty stare.
‘A few of the regulars are starting to complain.’
‘Oh no,’ said Vanessa, looking worried. A people-pleaser, she always fretted more about feedback than the rest of us.
‘Let’s face it, you’re all getting a bit … glitchy,’ said Crawler. ‘You keep switching off. It’s not what they want. It’s not what they’ve come for. They have a taste for high drama. They want you to bring the house down, night after night. And you’re not doing that. You’re forgetting your lines, your moves. You’re just standing there like lemons, giving me a bad name.’
We threw each other uncertain glances.
‘Look, I think you’ve all still got a lot to offer,’ said Crawler. ‘But I have to listen to my regulars. I don’t want to lose them. So you’re going to have a little power-down.’
‘Dad,’ said Scanlon quietly, ‘where are you going with this?’
‘I’m giving them early retirement.’
‘Retirement?’ said Scanlon. ‘What do you mean?’
Crawler casually inspected his nails. ‘I’m going to can the malfunctioning ghosts. Keep them in storage. Indefinitely. Make space for new stock. Ghosts that don’t go glitchy.’
We were all completely quiet as this sank in, and then the most awful thing seemed to happen to Scanlon. He began to shake uncontrollably. Honestly, it was like watching someone get electrocuted. And the more he tried to stop it, holding one hand over the other and pressing down on it hard, the worse it got. He wouldn’t look at any of us.
I remembered what he’d told me about his childhood – hunting for ghosts, making friends with them, knowing he’d have to betray them. Over and over. And now he’d have to do it again.
‘Please …’ his lips had gone completely white, his teeth chattering as if he had a fever, ‘can’t we work something out? I’ll find a way to fix the ghosts, I know I can. Maybe we could put them in different rooms. A change of scenery might work miracles. I can try a few mind exercises with them – keep their brains active.’
For a second, I saw that horrified boy he’d been back in the storeroom, surrounded by his unwanted spoils.
‘No. I’ve made my mind up. Once the rot sets in, you have to act fast. I think we’ll put the workhouse brats and the Girl With No Name in their cans tomorrow,’ Crawler went on, as lightly as if he was discussing what to have for dinner. ‘They’ve been a total let-down recently. And Virginia—’
‘Vanessa,’ said Scanlon.
‘—too. The poltergeist and Isolde can remain. For now.’
For now? I thought I was the star of the show.
‘Then we’ll head off to Italy. Pompeii. Tragic eruption, lots of death. Lots of dead, gorgeous dark-eyed bambini wandering around. I wouldn’t mind exploring Germany, France and Poland either. I bet they’re heaving. Oh, try to look more excited, Scanlon.’
Scanlon continued to shake.
Theo, the younger workhouse boy, went over to his big brother and very quietly nestled into his shoulder. Obediah put his one arm round him, and closed his eyes for a moment.
Vanessa had put her hands up to her face.
‘Back in our cans? How long for?’ said Obediah.
‘And who will cuddle the Girl With No Name?’ said Theo, his mouth all twisty and sad.
This was making me extremely uncomfortable. I needed to get away. Longingly, I contemplated my silent, empty room upstairs. I stared at the table.
Crawler spoke about flight times to Scanlon.
Isolde began to pace around the room with agitation, stopping occasionally to try to force the bars of the window wide open while muttering her long-dead language, as if she wanted to escape.
‘Good luck with that,’ I said, yawning. ‘If you wanted to prise open those bars, you’d need to get properly angry.’
For a fraction of a beat, a familiar voice, as soft as a moth, began to speak in a part of my mind I’d forgotten existed. I squinted up at the ceiling, wondering what it was saying, but it fluttered away as softly as it had arrived.
Just when I thought everything had been wrapped up, a hopeful look appeared on Scanlon’s face.
‘Dad,’ he said hesitantly. ‘I’ve got another idea. It might solve the glitchy ghost problem. It could be the boost this place needs. And it wouldn’t cost you a penny.’
‘Oh yes?’ said Crawler. ‘Nice of you to take an interest. Fire away.’
WHAT SCANLON SAID was this.
‘What if I took some poison, and became a ghost too?’
Obediah and Vanessa gasped in shock.
Even I frowned at Scanlon for a second. Why was he suggesting that?
Crawler, however, cocked his head to the side, the better to consider Scanlon’s business proposal.
‘Explain,’ he said.
‘Well, if I was a ghost here, then … then I could be with all the ghosts all the time.’
Scanlon spoke in a light, reasonable voice.
‘And what’s in that for me?’ said Crawler.
‘Well, if I was here all the time, I could spot any technical difficulties and deal with them straight away. I think I’d be able to stop the ghosts from shutting down, if I was with them more. If I was … dead too.’ Scanlon’s voice was very steady and very firm.
Crawler raised his eyebrows as he considered his only child. ‘Mmmmm,’ he said finally. ‘An interesting idea. Not entirely without merit. And I’m certainly impressed at your commitment to the business, that’s for sure.’
I shot puzzled looks at them both. This was bonkers. Scanlon was offering to die just so he could
