I paused. Was that really the way to end it? Deep down, though, I realized I was saying this prayer every day. Begging God to grant me mercy through this woman’s love.
“Amen,” I whispered with finality, squeezing my eyes shut.
Her hand slipped into my hair, threading fingers so gently through the strands, I nearly started to cry right along with her.
“Oh, Matthew,” Nina said in that sweet, sad tone that broke my heart every time.
Because she only said it when she was sorry. She only said it when she had nothing else to say.
“Please,” I whispered fiercely as I found my way back to my feet. Gently, I placed my palms to her cheeks, cradling her face with reverence. “Please forgive me, Nina. I belong to you. I will never forsake you again. I promise.”
She opened her rose-petal mouth, and for a moment, I considered plundering it. Crushing those petals between my lips, forcing her to succumb the way she always would.
But you can’t force love back to you. It has to come of its own accord.
This I’d finally learned.
And so, I waited. Let the uncomfortable silence settle over us like a cape. I’d wait all night if that’s what she needed. Hell, I’d wait forever.
Nina opened her mouth. But before she could answer, there was a cautious tap on the glass. I cursed. Nina jumped back. Together we turned to find Jane and Eric peering through the windows, waiting for us to step aside so they could come in.
I sighed and swiped my jacket off the floor while Nina opened the door.
“Everything okay?” Jane asked as Eric shut the door behind them.
Nina drifted further away. I fought the urge to grab her hand and pull her close again. I had nothing to hide. Not anymore.
“Hey,” I said, trying and failing to act as if Nina and I hadn’t just been staring at each other like Rhett and Scarlett. “I, ah, hear congratulations are in order.”
Eric slung an arm around Jane and grinned down at her. “For now. Jane’s kind of mad I told everyone.”
“Because I literally just got the letter!” she protested weakly. The glow on her face said she wasn’t too angry. “It’s just grad school. Not the Nobel Prize.”
Eric just shrugged and kept grinning at her. I didn’t think I’d ever seen the guy smile this much, he was so damn proud of her. He looked looney. And it was catching.
I glanced at Nina with a smile of my own, expecting her to be watching them with the same kind of fondness. But she was turned toward the windows again, staring out to the backyard patio with her back to everyone else.
“So…is everyone friends again?” Jane asked hopefully, looking between me and Nina.
Eric’s smile disappeared, his mouth pressed into a firm line at the question. I got the feeling he preferred to hear about his cousin’s romantic life on a need-to-know basis.
“I hope so,” I said, still watching Nina like a hawk.
But instead of returning my gaze, she turned around with firmly crossed arms and faced Eric and Jane.
“Actually,” she said. “I have some news. This is goodbye for a bit, I’m afraid.”
And just like that, a vise closed around my chest all over again. Goodbye?
Jane’s brow crinkled in confusion. “But you just got here.”
“Olivia and I are planning to spend the holidays with Mother on Long Island,” Nina said calmly. As if she didn’t have a half-torn skirt or blackish tearstains drying on her cheeks. “Tomorrow I’m driving to Andover to get her. We’ll stay the night with Skylar and Brandon so she can see Jenny and the others. After that, we’ll go straight to the Hamptons. You and Eric are welcome to visit, of course, but I assumed you’d be with your own family. Once Olivia goes back to school, I’ll be leaving. For Italy. I don’t know for how long.”
My head couldn’t have jerked any harder if it were on a spring. “You’re what?”
Nina sighed, but still didn’t look at me. It was as though I wasn’t even there.
“I’ve decided to tell Olivia about her father,” she said to Jane and Eric. “Her real father. Giu—” She gulped on the name. “Giuseppe.”
Eric studied me, then her. “That’s his name? The professor?”
Nina nodded. “It’s going to be very hard. But she deserves to know the truth. Whether or not she’ll want anything to do with me after is another story.”
“She will,” Eric replied, more kindly than I’d ever heard him. “Kids forgive their parents for just about anything, cos. It might take a bit, but you’re doing the right thing.”
“Yes. Well.”
Nina wiped at a few more tears that had escaped, then accepted a handkerchief Eric took out of his pocket. I scowled. Why hadn’t I thought to offer her my own?
“First things first,” she said. “I need to find Giuseppe’s surviving family and tell them about Olivia. He had two daughters from his first marriage. Olivia will want to contact them, I’m sure, and I don’t want them to be surprised.” She shook her head with obvious dread. “It won’t be easy, introducing myself as their father’s former mistress.”
Jane reached out to pat her shoulder. “They might be surprised, but it’s been a long time. I doubt they’ll take it out on Olivia, however they feel about you.”
Nina shrugged. “Perhaps.”
I swallowed. I really couldn’t deal with the idea of her facing this alone. I was the first person she had told all those months ago. Well before Jane and Eric knew. When the only other person who knew was her good-for-nothing husband. It seemed wrong that she would return to this part of her life without me.
I opened my mouth to volunteer to go with her, but found I couldn’t. Because the reality was, I didn’t have the freedom. Not like these people with their endless bank accounts. I had a mortgage to pay. Bills to cover. A sister and a niece who depended on me. I couldn’t leave them hanging
