“Well, then. How about a little trust now? I think it’s time.”
“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “Signora Marradi, Matthew. Did you see her? So hard. So empty. If you…if you ever did to me what he did to her…it would ruin me, don’t you see? And yet, every moment I spend with you, I just fall that much more in love. You own me, Matthew. You t-truly do.”
With that, she started to cry all over again. The confession hurt her more than she wanted to show.
I pulled her close again, hushing her sobs, letting her shake into my arms.
“I don’t own you, Nina,” I said as I stroked her hair. “And I never will. But we belong to each other just the same. Remember what you said? About making each other soar? That’s all I want, Nina. That’s all I’ve ever wanted since I met you.”
“How do I know?” she whimpered. “How do I know that’s really true?”
Her hair was silk under my rough hands. I could have held her like this forever. But instead, I gently nudged her up so I could cradle her face, splotched though it was with tearstains and emotion, between my hands.
“You don’t,” I admitted. “Until I can show you, every day until our lives are done. That’s why it’s called faith, baby. You have to believe.”
She closed her eyes, like she was praying herself. And then, slowly, she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. “I understand.”
Slowly, I leaned forward and kissed her. It was a slow kiss. Gentle. And it was possible I needed it more than she did. But she opened to me like the petals of a flower, and we took solace from each other’s touch for several long minutes until she had stopped shaking and I could no longer feel repressed sobs vibrating through her body.
I sat back, still cradling her face between my hands. “Better?”
Shyly, she nodded. “Yes. Better.” She bit her lip and shifted slightly as her eyes dropped to my mouth.
Suddenly, I was very conscious of the fact that she was sitting in front of me in just a flimsy piece of silk. And, if the temperature of the room was any indicator, nothing more than that.
With both hands, I traced the path of her cheekbones from nose to temple, then drifted my hands over her jaw, down her neck and to her waist. Then, with a sudden move, I pulled her firmly onto my lap so she was straddling me with her long legs, giving me clear access to her graceful neck and smooth chest. God, she was magnificent, even in barely more than scraps. More regal than she could possibly know.
I licked the side of her neck, eager to taste her perfection. Nina shivered, her hands digging into my shoulders, but keeping me close.
“How about,” I said after I did it again, “you let me show you how true it is, Nina? Let me show you how I feel.”
She shivered again as my teeth grazed her skin.
“And then?” she asked. “When you’re gone again, and I’m overtaken with worry and fear? What will you do then?”
“The same thing,” I said as I continued my progression of licks and nips over her shoulder so I could push aside the flimsy strap with my nose. “Again and again, Nina. Don’t you understand, baby?” I sat up straight so I could look her in the eye. “I’ll never stop wanting to love you. I’ll show you again and again, for the rest of my life if you let me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Nina
And there it was. The promise he had made before, the one that hung in the air, suspended like particles of dust, turned golden not by the setting sun but by the rich hue of promise.
Even the light in this country seemed different. In New York, everything was so cold, blue and gray the way the light bounced off skyscraper and sidewalk. But here, with only the warm stone and terracotta to reflect the world around us, even the air seemed cast in gold.
For the rest of my life. And, he seemed to infer, for the rest of mine. If that’s what I wanted.
Reluctantly, I pressed my hands to his chest.
“Wait,” I whispered. “Wait, Matthew. Please. Stop.”
His mouth paused, hovering just above the fabric guarding my breast. A muscle in his jaw ticced, but he straightened, worry flashing through the desire in his deep green eyes. He wanted me, yes. It was evident in the way his hands couldn’t quite let go of my slip, the way his breathing was just a bit labored. But the truth was clear.
I’m no saint, he had insisted. I almost smiled. How wrong he was. When it really mattered, Matthew was as patient as a saint.
“What is it?” he asked, his voice hoarse with want. “Still too…too soon?” He almost sounded afraid of the answer.
I pushed back a stray lock of his silky dark hair. “No, it’s not that. I…”
I could feel his need pressed against me and wondered if he felt it pulsing through my entire body as well. Wondered if he could feel my own and the way it made me tremble in front of him.
But something else was still between us.
That word again.
The secrets that drove every fear I had.
I wanted them gone. I wanted him to help me chase it away forever.
“Please,” Matthew interrupted my brooding. “I can’t take this anymore.”
“Can’t take what?” I asked.
“This fear. I know you feel like you can’t trust me, Nina. I know I fucked up last summer. But I swear to God, my job, my house, it doesn’t fucking matter if we’re not together. This is all I want. You are all I want.”
My stomach twisted. So many women fantasized about moments like these, when a man would give up the world just to be with them. But I found I didn’t want to cost Matthew the world. I hated that I had cost him anything at all.
“Oh,
