The shaking increased. I was right. I was right the entire time.
“So you’re saying I’m effectively broke?” I asked. “You do realize that the rest of my personal assets have been frozen as a result of this divorce, do you not? I am currently living on an allowance from my cousin, and the majority of my trust will probably end up going to my ex-husband. I will have nothing if this is true.”
“Mr. de Vries seems to be a generous sort,” said Clark uneasily. “Perhaps you might take this up to him, considering he sits on the board of your trust as well. He may loan you money against it.”
“So I’m supposed to live the rest of my life begging as a poor relation?” I asked. “I cannot believe that is truly what she wanted!”
“Either that, or perhaps you may consider seeking employment.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
The lawyer tilted his head. It was almost as if he were enjoying this.
“In layman’s terms, perhaps your grandmother wanted you to get a job.”
“I just don’t know.”
Jane’s voice pulled me out of my daydream—or day-mare, as it were. I couldn’t get the lawyer’s voice out of my mind. Or the despair I felt whenever I thought of the conversation that had taken place last week. Perhaps I wouldn’t have minded if I weren’t qualified for so little. I doubted I could even get a job as a waitress if I wanted. I really did have nothing.
Jane walked in half circles around me, clutching a pincushion in one hand, a notebook in the other, and a pencil in her mouth as she examined me. This year’s theme of “Athens” was somewhat less complex than last year, in my opinion. I expected to see a lot of versions of what I was wearing—toga-like gowns meant to evoke the classic sculptures of Aphrodite and Athena. Mine was ice-blue silk, but Jane had done some truly ingenious embroidery around the hem and over my shoulder with silver thread that sparkled as I moved.
“Hey,” she said. “Cheer up. You know Eric and I aren’t going to let you go hungry.”
The pity on her face was sweet, but it didn’t help.
“I’ve been taking advantage of the two of you for months now,” I said. “It’s becoming embarrassing. Olivia comes home in a month. What are we going to do? Live in your basement?”
“Well, I was thinking more the guest rooms on the third floor, but whatever you want.” Jane crouched to the floor and started fussing with the hem of the dress. “If you really want to be on your own, Eric will get you an apartment.”
“Yes. I’ll think about it. But honestly, if we need space, we can just stay at Mother’s. She’ll be at the Hamptons all summer anyway.”
I didn’t add that in either arrangement, I would still be dependent on the generosity of my family. And for the first time in my life, I found the idea extremely distasteful. Just a few months ago, I had plans to return to school, but I couldn’t even do that. According to my lawyers and Eric, it apparently made more sense now for me to stay close to Olivia’s primary residence in order to avoid charges of abandonment (despite the fact that I would have literally been closer in Boston).
I hated every minute of it. I wanted to strike out on my own so badly I could taste it. Matthew really was rubbing off on me.
“Well, maybe Calvin will agree to the terms of the latest settlement next week and you’ll be free,” Jane said as she stood again.
“Wouldn’t that be nice?” I muttered.
So far, every one of Eric’s increasingly bloated offers to Calvin on my behalf had been shut down. My husband hadn’t moved on his demands, which he argued were all the more reasonable given the fact that the judge presiding over our divorce had indeed sided with his claims that he had signed our prenuptial agreement under duress.
“Hey,” Jane said, taking my wrist and shaking it slightly. “Snap out of it. You’re literally going to a ball in about four days. Isn’t that supposed to be what most girls dream of?”
I sighed and went behind the privacy screen in the corner where I could change but talk at the same time.
“Sometimes I feel like the balls are the prison,” I said as I carefully pulled off the gown, then handed it over the screen to Jane. “I’m locked in a beautiful house of mirrors.”
“Every house has its exit, though.”
Jane looked like she understood. And she did, a little. But she had only been in this family for a few years. I had been trying to find that exit my entire life.
“They do,” I agreed as I stepped into my shift dress. “But every time I think I’ve found a way out, it’s just another mirror. And then somehow it smashes.”
Jane looked like she wanted to say something else, but before she could, there was a knock on the door. We turned to find Eric entering just as I was stepping out from behind the screens.
“Are you two about done?” he asked. “Because look who showed up. I invited him for lunch.”
He stepped aside to reveal Matthew stepping into the room.
“Zola!” Jane cried as she immediately engulfed him in a hug. “We haven’t seen you for months. How are you? Is everything all right?”
Matthew returned her embrace, but his eyes darted immediately to me. Full of warmth, and love, and…sadness?
Oh, dear.
“I’m good, Jane. I’m all right.”
She released him, and he rubbed the back of his neck. It was then I noticed he was dressed in a suit instead of the more casual fare I’d grown accustomed to over the last several months. This one was a beautiful gray-blue gabardine, with a navy tie and a crisp white shirt. A far cry from the dull black pants he typically wore to the bar, or the less formal chinos
