On the third day, during a particularly emotional session, we were talking about the differences in men and women. When surveyed about their biggest fears surrounding marriage, many married couples who had attended this marriage retreat agreed to the same fears: Many women fear feeling alone all their lives, and the majority of men fear feeling tied down all their lives. Both thoughts are overwhelming by themselves, and both can be felt even while married. We, along with everyone in the room, related to those fears. Whether spouses found themselves lonely or overwhelmed, the chaplains shared a strategy that would work against both: “Don’t think about the next thirty, forty, or fifty years. Instead, every day when you wake up, rededicate yourself to God and your spouse, and give them both the best twenty-four hours you’ve got.” It was so simple, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. If I could just stick to that plan, I wouldn’t have to worry about wandering off or letting things build up. Here was our new plan, one for all seasons and situations. For better and for worse, for sickness and in health, this plan will apply as long as Paige and I both shall live.
By the end of the week, the couples who weren’t speaking at the start of the week stood on the shore of Lake Clark and renewed their vows. The women wore flower crowns, and we lined up on the lake shore as a stand-in wedding party. Veterans were getting baptized and rededicating their lives to God and their families. I’m not going to lie; I was ugly crying. It was inspiring to hear the men speak to their wives with such conviction.
We had done several exercises over the course of the week, but I felt Paige and I sealed our commitment with an exercise called “taking out the trash” the night before we left. Our chaplains led us through a long and messy talk about forgiveness. Lord knows I have been in several positions of needing forgiveness from Paige, but our chaplains explained it in a way I had never understood. While repentance was necessary, we could not move forward without forgiveness. I know that seems so simple, but I had lived my life on constant rebound, waiting for Paige’s forgiveness, and because it got results, Paige had used that to her advantage. If we were going to commit to giving each other the best twenty-four hours we had, we were going to have to let go of the things that made us doubting and critical of each other. Each couple was given a piece of wood and a piece of paper. On the paper, we were to write all the things we were done hanging on to—sleeping in separate rooms, letting issues build up, withholding love in tough times, and the word divorce—and then wedge the paper into our piece of wood to be burned. Seeing “the trash” from our relationship go up in flames was more than a symbol; it was both of us recognizing how Satan had both divided us and conned us into blaming each other. The exercise helped us give each other grace, with a promise to never take advantage of the grace given. We humanized each other, looking at our faults equally instead of comparing, judging, and condemning. When we left, I still didn’t feel like I was responsible for Paige’s success, nor she mine, but my relief and hope was anchored in knowing God planned to prosper us both.
CHAPTER EIGHTEENWELCOME HOME
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
—James 3:17
JOSH
God is always on time. The Operation Heal Our Patriots trip concluded just before our home build started to take off. We had finally found a great builder, who got to work on our property the moment he was hired. He had broken ground on the project as soon as the rainy spring season ended. What once looked like a wooded jungle was making radical process toward becoming a home. Every time we drove by the property, there were fifty people working on the job site. Paige and I were excited to see trees cleared and a foundation poured, but by the time we got back from Alaska, the drywall was going up and floors were being installed! What a way to start over. Since Paige and I had reconciled, this house was going to be our home. We finally set June 4 as Volunteer Day. This is the day the community is invited to help with the finishing touches on the home. We spread the word to all potential volunteers who could help lay sod, plant shrubs, and clear debris around the home site. I hoped and prayed the communication for Volunteer Day would draw everyone to the right location this time, since the groundbreaking had taken place almost four miles down the road. I could tell Paige was filled with anxiety the morning of Volunteer Day. I worried that people wouldn’t know where to go or that they would think it was a joke after the groundbreaking ceremony. Then, it started raining. Paige sighed, her face crestfallen, saying, “Great. No one is coming now.” Our Homes for Our Troops project managers asked us to be at the site around 9:45 a.m. Mentally preparing myself to sod a two-acre lot with just Paige and me—and let’s face it, really just Paige—we headed out to the site of our new home. When we got there, we had to park our own car about half a mile down the road because so many cars were parked all around our house, including our own driveway. Auburn athletes, university employees, next-door neighbors, local businesses, friends, and family
