Now she was on her feet, none too steady in her slippers, her face grey suddenly. ‘He’s taken her away. He’s taken her away.’
‘Fran, Gary couldn’t hurt anyone. He’s pathetic, you’ve seen!’ Frank was almost pleading with her now.
‘He said he was going to punch you in that time!’
‘That was bullshit!’
‘His wife left him. Took the bairn.’ Fran looked stricken. ‘He was violent with her.’
‘They gave as good as they got. The pair of them.’
‘Frank,’ she took a deep breath. ‘We never saw his wife and bairn leave. What if he —’
‘Stop this, Fran! Just stop.’
‘I won’t stop. What if he’s killed them? What if they’re dead?’
‘Don’t be stupid —’
She squeezed her eyes shut and shouted, ‘I’m not being fucking stupid! Don’t tell me that!’ She glared at him.
Very quietly he said, ‘You can’t stand me any more, can you?’
‘Sometimes,’ she said through gritted teeth, ‘no, I can’t.’
‘Right.’
‘Right now, I want to get this sorted out. Gary’s got her, Frank. He’s got Nesta. God knows what he’s playing at.’
‘You saw her talking to him. What does that mean? Maybe he’s shagging her.’
‘I hate that. I hate that phrase.’
‘Aye, well. Probably you can’t remember what it means.’
‘You’re a selfish little git, Frank.’ She headed for the door. ‘I’m phoning the coppers.’
He said, in a tone that sounded almost warning, ‘Give it a rest, Fran. Come to bed. You’re shattered.’
‘Are you covering up for him?’
‘What?’
‘Are you covering something up for Gary? You men are always doing that.’
‘No! I can’t stick him!’
She looked at him long and hard. ‘I’m phoning that policewoman. Then I’ll come to bed.’
‘She’ll just say you’re daft.’
‘Maybe. Go and put the leccy blanket on.’
Penny and Andy sat up late talking. They left the TV off and rearranged the lamps so it was more atmospheric.
‘It can’t be easy, knowing that you’re second best,’ Penny said, glancing at her watch. She winced at herself. God, that was tactful, Pen. ‘I mean, knowing that Vince is pretending he wants to be with you —’
Luckily Andy laughed. ‘God, you make it sound terrible!’
‘I don’t mean to. You know what I mean.’
‘Yeah. I’m not what he wants. I’m too fickle. And I’m not clever enough.’
‘Does that matter?’
‘Sometimes it does. Vince needs someone to talk to. I’m not as good at that.’
‘We’re managing to talk.’
‘Yeah. Well.’
‘So what are you after, Andy?’
He smiled. ‘Just something else. Something I haven’t considered yet. Some new circumstances to live in. Maybe a new city. I don’t know.’
‘Sounds good.’
‘What about Scotland? Edinburgh?’ He smiled. ‘A different country. A short train ride. Big queer scene.’
‘Smart.’
‘Perhaps. I need to get away. Vince has been and done that. And come back again. I don’t feel. .. stretched yet.’
The phone rang. Penny was straight on it, as if she’d been waiting.
‘Mam?’
‘Ehm, yes, dear. It’s me. I’m —’
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m staying away for a little while. It’s an impulse thing.’
‘Right.’
‘You can look after yourself, can’t you?’
‘Yes, but where are you?’
‘I’m in Kendal at the moment, with Cliff. We’re staying here tonight and then we’re off to the Lakes for a while. We’ve got some things to sort out. Don’t worry, he’s got plenty of money. My cards are in the dresser drawer. Use what you need, dear. You understand, don’t you?’
Penny wasn’t sure. ‘Of course I do. Just come back with a tan.’
Liz laughed. ‘It’s piddling down in Kendal.’
‘Give Cliff my love.’
‘I will. I’ll see you . .. soon. I’m not sure when, exactly.’
‘Thanks for phoning.’
‘Bye.’
He slung the empty bottle of tequila across the damp school field as he crossed. Where was the worm in the bottom? Before he threw it he looked down the neck as if it was a kaleidoscope and there was no worm. Neither were there glowing tiny animals romping about in the dregs. There were only dregs.
His dad was in front of the gas fire in his chair. It hissed and he hissed and, even smashed out of his mind, Vince thought about his dad expiring in carbon monoxide. He switched the heater off and left him there.
In his room he jammed the door shut behind him and left the light off. Moonlight washed in from above the field and the low, flat school buildings where he was meant to be working. He remembered the gin in his cupboard.
As he started to drink again he peeled off his clothes. He sat on the mattress, naked, shivering, and felt dirty from going all over the Burn. He was scratched and bruised. His shoulders shook.
Disney songs were going through his head. Songs he had on a record when he was little. He could only remember bits of them, all mixed up, and they went round and round.
I’ve got no strings…
You can fly you can fly
To hold me down…
it’s mother nature’s recipe
you can fly
you can fly
as lucky as can be
can fly can be
can strings
I’ve got no strings to hold me down…
In through his window came the gold and blue figure he had waited for. She was kindly and a bit smug-looking.
‘Are you the Blue Fairy?’ he asked.
‘Aye, pet.’ She smiled, reaching forward to take the gin off him.
He frowned and tried to focus on her face. At first she looked like Penny’s mam. He was holding her close and they were dancing on his mattress, slowly as they had in the nightclub. And then she didn’t look like Penny’s mam at all. It was his dad. He was dancing with his own dad. But only for a split second. They recoiled from each other.
Lastly the Blue Fairy was Andy’s Nanna Jean. Burly and competent.
‘I always wanted you to be my nanna,’ he said.
‘I know, pet.’ She went to his cupboard and fetched down the bottle he had nicked from the taxidermist’s. ‘Here, get this down you.’
‘What is it?’
‘Do you want to be a real boy or not?’
‘Yes! More than anything!’
She held out the bottle.
FIFTEEN
Sometimes I get the impression that I’ve missed something. Something has passed me by. For a while
