I stared at the spot of carpet he had occupied only seconds before. How strange it was that my boyfriend had been here, lounging on my bed, and I’d felt...nothing. No heat. No self-consciousness over my too-small shorts and generous curves. I was the type of girl who looked okay from a distance, but if I tilted my chin down or slouched in my chair, the fat rolls emerged in all their glory. As a kid, it had bothered me being among the stick-thin ballerinas. But now I’d embraced it. And though I loved that José didn’t mind, for a while now, I hadn’t cared what he thought about me.
Whatever, I thought, lifting my right leg high in the air. I grasped my big toe and held the position. The pull and strain of my muscles soothed me, and my concerns eased. I’m still young. It’s not like I’m looking for true love right now anyway. Besides, it was better to feel nothing than everything. I learned that the hard way after Mom and Dad died.
I stretched the other leg and grasped my big toe again, breathing deeply. I can do this.
I dropped my foot and slid open the door to my bedroom. In the living room, Kismet’s wings fluttered in her sleep as she perched on her favorite spot—the arm of the couch. Miraculously, José’s and my exclamations hadn’t woken her.
I chewed on my fingernails thoughtfully. I crept downstairs and tiptoed past the sleeping raven until I reached the junk room—or rather, the room full of my parents’ junk that I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of. After another nervous glance in Kismet’s direction, I softly closed the door behind me.
The room reeked of dust and memories. Boxes upon boxes surrounded me, as well as ugly furniture that Mom insisted on keeping for sentimental reasons. I’d made fun of her for it so many times, but in the end, I had the same problem.
I sat cross-legged on the floor and got to work. Careful not to fall down the rabbit hole of Memory Lane, I shoved past scrapbooks, old clothes, CDs and cassettes, movies, and baby toys until I found a box of books. My fingers coated in dust, I dug through the box, past Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys, until I finally found it—the Grimoire.
It was a huge, thick, leather-bound book that thrummed with energy as soon as I touched it, vibrating through my fingers to my very bones. I swallowed, my throat dry, as I lifted it from the box. There was no title on the cover, but I knew exactly what it was. Kismet always said I wasn’t ready for the Grimoire, and judging by how my fingers shook from the power emanating from it, I believed her. Was this really worth it?
What are you doing? Kismet’s voice rang in my head.
I yelped and dropped the book with a loud thunk. I turned my head at the light tapping on the door. I groaned and stood, my legs numb from sitting in a cramped space for so long. I opened the door to find the raven cocking her head at me. I was surprised her wings weren’t crossed.
The Grimoire? Kismet’s voice was quiet but dangerous. What are you doing with that?
My heart racing, I said quickly, “I realized you’re right. I don’t know how to defend myself. So—so I was trying to find the spell to banish demons. For my own protection.”
Kismet stared at me unblinkingly. Not for the first time, I longed for her human form where at least body language was my ally in the conversation. Under her scrutinous raven gaze, I was powerless. I clenched my fingers into fists to keep from fidgeting.
Why didn’t you just ask me? Her voice was gentle and curious.
“You were sleeping.”
I could almost hear her eye roll. And why didn’t you wait for me to wake up?
“I—I was still kind of ashamed. And embarrassed. After what happened last night.” I dropped my gaze for effect.
Kismet sighed. She fluttered to my side until she perched on top of the Grimoire. I will teach you. But you aren’t—
“—ready for the Grimoire. I know, I know.”
So, let’s practice.
I blinked at her. “What—here? Now?”
You were certainly impatient enough to hunt for the Grimoire while I slept. Yes, now.
Was she calling my bluff? Did she know? I narrowed my eyes at her. Pressing my lips together, I stretched my legs, which still ached, and relaxed my arms at my side.
You’re used to using the power in your hands and arms when you Push, Kismet said. But you need to use your whole body to banish.
“Okay,” I said slowly. “So what does that mean?”
You need to access the magic flowing through your whole body instead of just part of it. The spell requires a lot of power, and using just your hands won’t be enough.
I wiggled my fingers. Electricity hummed through them, but I was used to that. I closed my eyes, searching inward for the same power, but I only felt it in my fingers.
Relax. Don’t try so hard. Let it flow through you naturally. Don’t force it.
Though Kismet’s voice was soft and patient, irritation prickled through me. I swallowed back an angry retort and exhaled, long and slow. My legs itched to dance, but instead I focused on breathing. Three deep breaths coursed through me, washing away the tension in my mind and body. More relaxed now, I wiggled my fingers again. Energy sparked from my fingertips and flowed to my palm and up my forearm, racing through my body like a current.
I gasped and opened my eyes. In an instant, the power vanished like I’d turned off a light switch.
Kismet cocked her head at me again. Well done.
I smiled. “Uh, thanks. But I don’t feel like I did anything.”
Maybe not. But you accessed it. It’s there. All you need to do is practice.
Kismet hopped off
