And I won’t come back.
Alba lent me another dress since my yellow one was stained with blood. She showed me to the water closet, where I bathed quickly in lukewarm water, scrubbing the dirt and blood off my skin and rinsing my hair out. There was no door, so I was eager to finish and dress myself before someone saw me.
I slid into Alba’s red dress, though it was a little big on me, and the sleeves puffed out more than I’d like. I stared angrily at the sleeves and the billowy fabric that made me feel ridiculous. I was sick of this time period. Sick of being a failure. Sick of not fitting in.
I gritted my teeth and tore at the sleeves until they came off completely. The fabric was ripped and frayed, but it looked more like something acceptable to wear in my time.
I sighed as my anger faded, and tears pricked my eyes. Now I’d just ruined Alba’s dress. Although I wouldn’t be returning it to her, she didn’t know that. She thought I would return after the siege. Now she would just think I was a vandal who destroyed other people’s property. And their lives.
I picked up the ripped fabric and tore a small strip away. Pulling back my hair, I used the strip of red fabric to hold my hair into a tight bun. I was sick of these curls too. The Cuban humidity wasn’t doing me any favors.
When I emerged from the back, I found that the front of the restaurant was empty. A small part of me wondered where Oliver was, but I squashed the question away. He didn’t care about me. And I was stupid to think otherwise.
Alba shuffled out of the kitchen, her arms full of food, and raised her eyebrows at my dress. She smirked.
“I like your sense of fashion,” she said lightly.
I swallowed. Somehow, her compliment made me feel worse.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“Assisting with the evacuation,” she said, dumping several empanadas and a few mangoes onto the table next to me. She placed the food inside a sack and handed it to me. “In case the siege takes longer than we think.”
I took the sack from her. “Thank you.” Emotion rose in my throat, and I rubbed my nose. “Alba, you’ve been nothing but kind to me even though I’ve caused you so many problems. I can’t thank you enough for your generosity.”
Alba’s face lit up with a warm smile, and she encircled me in a tight hug. I stiffened in surprise and then wrapped my arms around her. She smelled like savory spices and herbs. I buried my face in her shoulder.
My body relaxed in her firm and reassuring embrace, and everything that had built up inside me released. A wave of emotions. A waterfall of regrets. Sobs poured through me. I wept into Alba’s shoulder and clutched her desperately, like she was my lifeboat and I would drown without her.
Alba shushed me gently and rubbed my back in soothing circular motions. She held onto me until I’d wept so much that her dress was soaked. She never complained, though, and she didn’t pull away until I’d finished.
I sniffed and wiped my face with the heel of my hand. “I-I’m sorry,” I croaked, embarrassed as I withdrew from her embrace.
Alba straightened her dress and smiled. Her eyes sparkled with moisture, too, though she was much more composed than I was. “We’ve all been through an ordeal, Desi. I don’t blame you.”
I grasped Alba’s sack of food and slung the strap over my soldier. I looked at Alba with a sense of finality and offered a wobbly smile. “Be safe.”
She nodded. “You as well. You should see Oliver assisting with the evacuation. Could you tell him to return here? I could use his help.”
I ignored the squirming sensation in my stomach at the thought of running into Oliver. My fingers slid up and down the strap on my shoulder. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”
Alba squeezed my hand. “Good luck, Desi. I’ll see you soon.”
I nodded, avoiding her gaze, and turned to leave the restaurant.
Chapter 25
I HASTENED DOWN THE street, weaving through alleys and buildings that were so familiar to me now. The white concrete, cobbled streets, and dirt-paved paths were more comforting and welcoming to me than my own neighborhood in North Grove. I felt different here. Understood. Important. Powerful.
Well, sometimes. Other times I felt ridiculed and incompetent. But my role here was so much more important than back home.
Because I wanted it that way.
Now, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. When I got back home, would I go back to lounging with my friends while they drank booze and picked fights with demons they couldn’t handle? Would I keep running from my magic and responsibilities because of what happened to my parents? Would I return to José?
I suppressed a shudder at the thought. That was a solid no. José might have filled a void before, but now when I wanted arms around me or lips to kiss, all I saw was . . .
I swallowed.
Oliver.
I hated to admit it. Hated myself for thinking it. But there it was.
And as casual as my relationship with José had been, it wouldn’t be fair to be with him when I kept longing for someone else’s face and body. It wouldn’t be fair to myself, either.
My feet moved so quickly and purposefully that I was at the red door in mere minutes. Sharp, terrified breaths pulsed through my chest as I glanced around the apartments. That was almost too easy.
I stretched my hand toward the door.
“Desi!”
I froze and glanced around.
Oliver hurried toward me, his short hair disheveled. I frowned at his outfit and realized he was wearing the same brown shirt from yesterday. I’d expected to see him in his uniform.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, lifting my chin. My heart raced as his eyes raked up and down
