Things sort of deteriorated after that exhibition. I’d been assessed an assload of penalties which someone else had to serve. Then because Coach was not a man who liked to be jerked around by his short hairs, he pulled me from the crease and sent Andre in to finish the game. How I didn’t end up with a major misconduct was anyone’s guess. It would have been less painful to have been ejected than to sit there, steaming, Raptors hat riding low on my brow, and watch my team take another loss. And not a kind loss either, Vegas fisted us sans lube. The final score 6-1 made my asshole clench. As did the upcoming dress-down I was sure to get from Coach in about five seconds.
“Penn!” Coach roared as we slunk back to the away locker room, heads down, shoulders up by our ears, the smell of defeat as thick as the stink of unwashed man. I waited for him beside the glove dryer, my teammates filing into the locker room with sideways glances for me.
“Coach, I can explain…”
He stalked up to me, his chest flush to mine, his nose an inch away from my nose. “After all I have fucking done for you this is the way you repay me? By not showing up when we need you the most? That stunt out there was below amateur!” I thought to say something. He shut me down fast. “No.” He stuck a finger in my face. “Do not try to make up some sort of airy excuses. You’re on the bench for the rest of this series. While you’re riding pine you need to get your head on straight. What is it exactly you want out of life, boy? Hockey? Music? That baby? Whatever it is, you best get your fucking head out of your ass or you’re going to lose it. I’m not seeing one damn thing right now that would make me hand over a fucking goldfish to you let alone a child, and I highly doubt Child Services are either.”
I nodded. What could I say? He was right. All of it. Right down to me acting like a hot-headed fuck just like Liberty always had. The door to the locker room swung shut behind Coach. I could hear him yelling something at the Raptors, something that sounded quite unlike a pep talk. Guess his spleen hadn’t quite been vented fully yet.
And yeah, it had been a righteous venting. Coach was right. I had to stop being a hotheaded fuck-up. There was more riding on me than just me now. My daughter—screw the alleged shit she had to be mine I could feel the link in my marrow—was banking on me to be the kind of father she would need. I needed to get my shit together on the ice and off or I’d end up just like Liberty. All alone with only the open road, an old six-string, and an empty bottle of Johnny Walker for company.
Four
Joseph
My cell woke me from where I’d face-planted on a paragraph about Sir William Herschel, and blearily I reached for it, seeing it was five a.m. and hoping to hell that it was the planetarium, with Drewin telling me it was okay to come back. Or even as a worst-case scenario, the agency with a nannying gig. I hadn’t heard from either of them in a few days and I’d begun to lose hope that I could ever stop my current emergency off-the-books gig stacking shelves. The messages I’d left on voicemail for both potential employers were a mix of heartfelt and honest without pleading, but I’d parked my pride and added a whole lot of apology to the Planetarium. Whatever Natalie had said about not paying rent, we both knew I had to keep things ticking over for her and myself. I was lucky to have the roof over my head, but sitting on my ass wasn’t going to get things done.
It was the North Nanny Agency calling, but I still scrambled to sit up, even though this was probably just a check-in for my availability or them telling me, yet again, that they had nothing for me. Not much ever came of me sharing my free dates, because the middle-of-the-night times I worked at the planetarium weren’t conducive to overnight stays at clients houses to watch their kids. The last nanny job I had that was properly that, had been a year ago, an entire week looking after twins in this huge place out of town. I’d done a good job, even put up with the dad cornering me in the garage when I left, to tell me that he’d love to have me back.
Given the way he’d been pressing me against a wall sporting a stiff prick that he thought would impress me, it seemed that he’d have loved to have me back for more than nannying. I’d politely declined, he’d not-so-politely ejected me from the premises, and the review I’d received for my work had been mediocre.
“We have a temporary and urgent job, and you’re literally the only one available,” Lucy-May North announced in her no-nonsense tone. She was one of those ruthlessly efficient managers, all brisk communication, and no niceties, but her nanny agency was thriving so she was doing it right.
“Okay?”
“And you’re still available right now?”
“Now?” I checked the time again; it was definitely five in the morning and not five at night.
“Now, Joseph. A car will be outside in forty-five minutes. The client has been assured of our discretion but they will require you to sign non-disclosure, and all the relevant paperwork will be in the car.”
“Hang on, I haven’t said yes, yet,” I began.
“One thousand for two nights’ work, I’d assumed
