“Do you have somewhere for your family to go now? Can we assist in—?”
“I’m not leaving,” I blurted. There was no way in hell that I was going to be dragged out of here until Nats could go with me, and if I had to build a tent in the room for Emma, then I would.
“Momma,” Emma sobbed some more.
“No, not now.” Hillary looked aghast. “I meant after. I understand that you live with Mrs. Owens and Emma, and there is no house to go home to, do you need us to—?”
“I live somewhere else now,” I lied, and blurted out Colorado’s address. “We’ll go there.” I wouldn’t allow them to tell me I couldn’t take Emma. Hillary didn’t falter as she carefully wrote down the address, and then closed her file and sat. It seemed as if I had a shadow in this family room, and I shuffled along a chair to give us more distance, then tried my hardest to calm Emma.
“I’m here, Em,” I murmured into her hair. “Momma is okay, we’ll be fine, we’re okay…” I kept repeating it, until she mumbled something incoherent and then finally after a while she fell quiet, and then dozed in the crook of my neck. There was a gentle knock at the door, and Hillary answered it. For a moment I thought it might be Colorado and I wanted that, but then what if he told Hillary I’d lied about the address? Why didn’t I just say we’d get a hotel? I had the money for a few nights, and we could live in a cheap hotel long enough until the insurance came through. It wasn’t him, but Hillary checked back at me, and then opened to door to another stranger who came inside, this time a young firefighter, still in uniform, holding a plastic bag.
“This was important to your sister,” he murmured, and placed the bag next to me. “Captain said I should wait, but she wanted these photos and I never let go of them after we pulled her out.”
She’d tried to retrieve photos for Emma? Had she gone back in? Why would she do that?
“What happened?” Emma stirred in my arms at my voice, and I willed her to stay asleep where she would be safe from all of this, lowering my tone. “I spoke to Natalie, she called me and told me about the fire, she was out of the house and she was okay.”
The fire fighter glanced from me to the liaison who was doing her best not to listen, and then took the edge of a seat near the door.
“Strictly off the record, it’s not clear yet as to cause of the fire, possibly faulty wiring, but your family was out and the fire was mostly covered. Then your sister ran right through the space where the front room window had been and into the room itself, which had escaped most of the fire, grabbing at things. Everything is in there.” He gestured to the bag. “By the time we got to her, I swear it was a few seconds, the second floor had collapsed under its own weight and she was caught in burning debris.”
I whimpered in my throat. Why did she do that? Then the worst of it hit me. “Did Emma see what she did?”
“No, I promise you, she didn’t have a clear view, but…” he sighed and closed his eyes, exhaustion bracketing his face, “she would have heard the panic and known what was happening.”
I bit my lip, my stomach churning, and forced back the tears. Crying wouldn’t solve a fucking thing.
“I’m sorry for the loss of the house—”
“It’s nothing, just wood and brick, this is what’s important,” I murmured, and pressed my face into Emma’s hair. “Emma and Natalie will be okay. They’ll be okay. Thank you.”
I knew I kept repeating that, the litany was more a prayer to some higher authority out there in the stars who might be able to make what I said true. God was beyond me, I didn’t have that faith, but I found a small place of peace cuddling my niece and repeating the truth I wanted to believe.
The door opened, and there was a commotion, the fire fighter going out, the liaison hissing like a scalded cat, and then there in the doorway, Colorado stood with Maddie in his arms, Simon a hulking worried presence behind him.
“I’m his boyfriend,” I heard Colorado say. “And I don’t care what you say, I’m coming in to be with him, and I’m bringing my daughter and my bodyguard.”
There was a scuffle, but there was no way that strong, confident Hillary was a match for determined, argumentative Colorado or his back-up, Simon. In seconds, the two men were in and I didn’t have the heart to argue with Hillary about why I needed them in here with me. After a short face-off, Hillary decided it was fine to leave me with my boyfriend. I couldn’t tell if she was being sniffy or she was relieved, but she handed me a card with her extension and informed me that I had support now.
Colorado sat next to me and I leaned on him, still refusing to cry. Simon stood at the door his expression sober.
“Is she okay?” Simon asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing, she’s…” In the best place? How many times have I heard that said on the television, in shows that Natalie loved. The best place for someone hurt was the hospital—that had to be true. “Colorado, I lied,” I murmured, half hoping that he wouldn’t hear me. He moved away from me and for a second I thought I’d blown everything, although how those few words could have broken our fragile blooming relationship I don’t know.
