A sharp breath puffs from my lips.
“I did,” I admit, “but it will never work between us. He’s set in his ways, in his lifestyle, and I’m not willing to accept that. Not after seeing how quickly things turned bad for Hunter.”
Instead of firing off another question, Scar just sits and thinks for a moment, giving me a chance to brace myself for the next one.
“What about West?”
Her tone always softens when she mentions him. It’s innocent and mostly harmless that she seems to think the world of him, but it does concern me that she’s not a better judge of character.
“What about him?” I fire back.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Do you think you guys might … you know?”
There’s no hint of laughter in her tone, only genuine concern and curiosity. We don’t talk about stuff like this often, so she seems to be feeling me out.
“Things with West are … complicated,” I answer honestly. “So, I can safely say the answer to your question is no.”
When I smile at her, she smiles back. Answering questions about me and Ricky was not how I wanted to spend my evening, but if being transparent with my sister makes it easier for her to open up, then I’ll do it.
“What about you?” I ask. “Do you think you love Shane?”
There’s a long pause and I’m not surprised she doesn’t have an immediate answer.
“We’ve been friends so long, sometimes it’s hard to tell what I feel for him,” she admits. “I do know I care about him. And that I’d feel weird if he decided to be with some other girl.”
I watch her as she sorts through her feelings.
“That’s normal,” I assure her. “Sometimes, the traits that draw us to a guy as friends blur the lines a bit. That’s kind of what happened with me and Ricky.”
She seems to understand, and I hope she does. I don’t want her to feel ashamed about this, but there is definitely a lesson to be learned.
“You know this can’t happen again, don’t you Scar? Not until you’re much, much older.”
The messy ponytail bobs when she nods. “I know.”
“Because having sex is more than just the physical. It’s emotional and can really screw you up inside if you aren’t careful,” I warn gently. “What feels right today can feel like the biggest mistake in the world tomorrow.”
While I don’t regret Ricky, I’ve known enough girls who have regretted their first to know there’s truth in that statement.
“And you can always talk to me,” I remind her. “About anything. Whenever you need to.”
Her head bobs again and I smile at her. When I stand, she does too.
“Not sure about you, but I could use a hug,” I admit with a quiet laugh.
She meets me in the middle of her room and wraps both arms tight around me. I kiss the top of her hair and question whether I said enough, whether she believes she can come to me about anything, and imagine this is what parenting always feels like.
“I love you. You know that don’t you?” I ask.
She nods against my shoulder. “More than anyone.”
Those words break my heart a little, because I wish she had more than just me—a barely making it, almost adult who hasn’t quite been able to get things right—because she deserves more. But the best I can do is be consistent.
Keep loving her.
Keep showing up.
Keep fighting to give her everything.
“Are you mad?” she asks, still holding on to me.
“No, I’m not mad,” I answer, “but just know; as soon as I can afford it, this whole house is getting nanny cammed. Not even kidding.”
She laughs quietly and squeezes tighter. “Fair enough.”
Chapter 23
WEST
I can barely hear myself speak with all the shouting. Mostly, they’re screaming for me, Sterling, and Dane, but there’s fanfare for Austin, Trip, and Marcus, too. We’ve just been announced as this year’s Homecoming Court, but it’s an expected nomination, so we’re only pretending to be excited about it.
Pep assemblies have never been my thing, but especially not ones held at the end of an already long day, and with tonight’s big game ahead of us.
Trip is the last guy to storm down the bleachers, coming to join the rest of us on the basketball court while the entire school watches from the stands. He gives Austin a quick fist-bump and then we all face forward as things settle down.
The six chairs seated in front of us are for the girls making court this time around, and that’s predictable as hell, too. Kids always vote for the ones they either idolize or fear, and my crew has both markets on lock.
“Parker Holiday,” Headmaster Harrison calls out, and the volume in the gym goes wild again.
Parker hobbles down the steps, having finally been downgraded from crutches to an ankle brace. The tiny little shirt she’s wearing doesn’t hide much. If her family didn’t practically fund half this school’s auxiliaries, she’d be sent home for wardrobe violations daily. Guess it pays to have the powers that be by the balls.
She flashes a cheeky grin at me before dropping down into the seat right under my nose.
‘Just sit the hell down and play the role,’ I think to myself. She’s always over the top. About everything.
“Next up, we have Josslyn Francois,” Harrison announces.
Glancing left, I’m not surprised to see Dane holding back a grin. His eyes are glued to her as she descends the bleacher stairs in tight jeans and an oversized sweater that hangs off one shoulder. Wanting her is gonna be the death of him.
I smile and turn straight forward again, waiting for Harrison to finish. The girls we’re paired with are the closest thing any of us will have to dates, so it looks like Mom got her wish after all. Only difference is, first chance I get tomorrow night, I’m ditching Parker to prowl for something new. The girl brings nothing interesting to the table. In bed or otherwise.
Heidi and Ariana are called next, then two other
