“Are you okay?” he asked, concerned that she’d perhaps hurt her neck when she’d landed on her head and rolled back over it.
“I think so,” she said, wincing, but taking his hand to help her sit up. “Stings a little, and my ego is going to be black and blue from the embarrassment, but all in all, I’ll survive, I promise.”
“Good,” he said strongly, happy to hear that she wasn’t hurt. Despite her prying into his personal life, Altair was slowly coming to realize he liked having this woman around, that he maybe even enjoyed their verbal sparring a little bit. She was quick, smart, and seemed able to read him well.
He liked working with her.
“So, what has you concerned with my well-being all of a sudden?” Christine wanted to know as he righted her chair and helped her back into it.
She sat with a sigh and a pat on his arm as thanks for his help. This time, she didn’t rock back in it while talking to him. Instead, she leaned over on the table, keeping herself propped up by her elbows.
“What are you talking about? I’ve always wanted you to be okay,” Altair said to answer her question, confused that she would even ask it. “I’ve never tried to hurt you. Why would I start now? I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I,” Christine said. “You say right now that you’ve always been concerned with my well-being. That you want me to be okay.”
“Exactly.”
“So how come earlier today then, you left me exposed and vulnerable while we were on the mission?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“You broke the line, Altair. You went out to try and play superhero, and in the process, you left our flank exposed. The demon’s followers came at us. I died today, Altair, because of you. How can you say you care about my well-being, but then go and do that?”
“I was trying to defeat the demon,” he said stubbornly. “If I had, it would have been fine.”
“The demon didn’t kill us,” Christine snapped, slamming a hand down on the table. “Your actions did. The followers came at us and broke our lines because you made us vulnerable when we weren’t ready to be. You didn’t act as part of the team. So why did you do what you did?” she snarled.
“You need to mind your own business,” he rumbled angrily. “That was not what I was doing.”
“I don’t care what you think you were doing, Altair. I care about what happened. The cold, hard facts of what happened. You broke the line. By doing so, you compromised our shield, and allowed the demon followers in to come attack us. That happened. Your focus on yourself, and not on the team, meant that I died. Because of you.”
Altair shook his head, trying to deny her words, to push them out of his head. “No,” he said weakly.
“I trusted you to protect our flank, Altair. To hold the line and help us defeat the enemy. I put my trust in you, and you didn’t do that. You went off on your own. How can you expect me to trust you in the real world, if you can’t be a part of the team in training? Do you understand what I’m trying to say? Why I’m being so forceful with you? I want to live, Altair, as does every other witch on the team. Right now, you’re making it so that we can’t!”
He cringed at her words. She was right of course. She’d died because of him. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, and now it was happening again. Why couldn’t he just seem to get it right? Why couldn’t he figure out how to do things the right way?
“I was just trying to kill the bad guy,” he whispered. “To make sure nobody else was harmed.”
Christine licked her lips, taking her time to answer. She was looking at him with emotions other than anger. Worry. Confusion. Fear. Altair hated that, hated seeing such things reflected in her eyes. He wanted her to like him, to appreciate him.
Why do you want that? You’re supposed to be keeping your distance from everyone. If you develop feelings, then you get hurt, and they get hurt. Or they die. Pull back, Altair. Pull back now, before it’s too late.
He couldn’t help but wonder if it was already too late.
“You were trying to kill the bad guy, I know,” Christine said. “I don’t deny that you were trying to kill him. But you were trying to do it on your own. You didn’t give anything else a chance. You’re obsessed with the idea that you, and only you can do this. That I’m not capable of it, that the rest of us aren’t worthy of it. That you’re so much better than us. Why Altair? Why can’t you try another solution?”
“You wouldn’t understand!” he shouted, slamming his hand down on the table, denting the metal top as he stood up.
He looked down in surprise, not having realized how close he was to the edge. Christine was staring at the table, at the easy way he’d nearly broken it with an inadvertent display of a portion of his strength.
“Try me,” she whispered, standing up, slipping to the side of the table to edge closer to him. “I am not some frail, easily offended type. I can handle whatever you have to say Altair, no matter what it might be. You just need to trust me and give me a chance.”
He shivered, watching her, looking deep into her eyes, feeling himself being pulled in deep, just like the other day with the snow elementals.
Trusting was the first step to caring.
Caring led to pain.
Altair wasn’t sure he could handle any more pain.
Chapter Seventeen
Christine
HER NECK WAS STARTING to kink from looking up at him for so long, but Christine pushed
