The other two dragons shrugged. They knew he was right, but what other choice did they have?
“Rokh asked me to go on patrol the other day,” he said, easing out of the grip of the other two now that he had recovered his wits and self. “I can’t keep coming up with excuses not to go. But if I were to be out there...among the witches. Like this?” He shuddered.
“I know, we can’t risk it,” Damien says.
“I’d end up killing someone else,” Altair agreed bitterly.
Rane growled. “You didn’t kill anyone, Altair. Nobody could have done more than you did. We know that. Everyone knows that. The only person who blames you, is yourself!”
“I could have been faster,” he said hoarsely. “Gotten to them quicker. We would have made it out of there. Just one more minute. One more minute and they’d be alive.”
“You can’t blame yourself for things you didn’t know,” Damien said. “Like whoever set off the distraction explosion earlier. That’s not on you. You just need to accept that. We all suffered loss in the war. Not one of us got through unscathed, without some sort of trauma. We’re here to help you deal with it, Altair. You just have to let us in. To trust us.”
But Altair didn’t want to trust anyone. He didn’t want anyone trusting him. That’s why he’d fled Christine earlier. That’s why he shrugged off the other storm dragon’s offers of help now.
When people trusted him, they died.
He didn’t want Rane or Damien to die.
And he absolutely did not want Christine to die.
Chapter Nineteen
Altair
“ARE YOU GOOD?” DAMIEN asked after a few moments of silence.
Bringing himself back to the present, he nodded. “I think so, yeah. I’ve never had the nightmare twice in one night.”
Of course, that was because he wouldn’t sleep for the rest of the night, and he was sure the others knew it, but he maintained the charade anyway. It felt better that way, and Altair would take any bit of solace he could get just then.
“I’m heading to bed then,” Rane said, clapping Altair on the shoulder and giving him a squeeze. “It’s going to be alright in the end. We’ve got your back.”
Altair nodded, grateful for the support, but unsure of what to say back. He didn’t feel like he deserved the friendship the two of them were showing him. He hadn’t done anything to be worthy of it.
“Come on,” Damien said gently. “I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”
Altair almost denied him, saying he could do it on his own, but technically Damien’s room was past his anyway, so they were going the same direction.
“How goes training with the witches?” Damien asked as they went, very obviously trying to distract Altair. Unfortunately, he didn’t know about the events of earlier that night.
Altair flinched, but he didn’t want to ignore his friend entirely. Not after what Damien was doing for him, helping cover up his waking nightmares so that he wasn’t a danger to others.
More of a danger. You’ll always be a danger, unless you manage to atone for your sins.
“It’s going okay,” he said. “It’s tough trying to integrate tactics, but they’re trying. One of them is making headway. She’s pretty smart, creative. Would make a good leader for the team.”
“Is that praise I hear in your voice?” Damien said. “You’d think you were smitten with her or something to give a compliment like that.”
Altair wasn’t sure what he did, but he must have flinched somehow, someway. Something about his reaction gave himself away to the other storm dragon.
“What aren’t you telling me, Altair?” Damien asked, equal parts amused and curious at the unexpected reaction from his friend.
“Um.” His brain still wasn’t completely back to normal yet. Now he definitely wasn’t hiding anything from the other dragon. Not after that dead giveaway.
“Is there something going on between the two of you?”
Not anymore, he thought, reminded of how he’d just left her earlier, likely killing anything that might have come of their library makeout session.
Which was good. Altair didn’t want anyone getting close him.
“Not really,” he said weakly. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together, what with the training, and she’s been in the library studying up too, so we’ve kind of worked together doing that.”
“Right,” Damien said in a voice that totally did not believe him. “And what else?”
Altair shied away from telling the truth. He didn’t want to get word out there, but he owed Damien at least that much. To lie to him now would ruin their entire friendship.
“Something happened. Earlier today,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to let it happen, but it just sort of did.”
“What happened?”
“We kissed. A lot,” he said. “Yeah. We had a makeout session.”
“You’ve been so closed off,” Damien said thoughtfully. “Why did you decide that kissing this witch, of all people, was a good idea now? You’ve been adamant about not letting anyone in. Even Rane and I have had to force the issue. I’m glad you did, but I’m confused. What am I missing?”
There’s good reason for that, he thought to himself but not voicing it. “Well, the truth of it is, technically, she kissed me. I just...didn’t stop it.”
“You didn’t stop it,” Damien repeated, a smile tugging at his face. “So, you kissed her back, or you just stood there like a statue and let her make out with your face?”
“Okay, so I kissed her back,” he admitted unhappily.
“Why did you do that?” Damien pushed, clamping down on his own facial expressions.
Altair sighed. Why had he done that? What was it about her that made him even allow himself to kiss the other witch?
“Well, I guess because it felt good.”
Damien sighed loudly and dropped his shoulders. “You don’t say,” he said dryly. “Why else?”
“Well. She’s
