Jesus said, “If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23). Long-term sobriety is not attained from the strength we have within, but from God. As Tim reminded me years ago in New Mexico, “The Christian life is either easy or impossible. It’s impossible if you do it in your own strength. It becomes easier as you allow Christ to work in you to work through you.”
For me, every morning is a funeral and a coronation. I die to self and acknowledge Jesus as king of my life.
2. Bad Company Corrupts Good Character
The longer you follow the Lord, the more you will cherish the words of the Bible.
Most Christians have life verses. These are verses that summarize their lives, have helped during a difficult time, or have provided much needed direction. This verse encapsulated all of those for me: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15:33 niv).
In other words, sinful people will corrode our values. And this is especially true for those of us with addictive or compulsive personalities.
You’ve heard the adage: “You are who you hang with.” If that’s the case, then we can determine our future by taking a photograph of our closest friends. I’ve told young people from time to time, “You can’t soar with the eagles if you keep hanging with a bunch of turkeys.”
When I experienced sobriety for the final time, I cut myself off completely from my past. If you want to experience victory, you have to ruthlessly eliminate anything that can harm you. Think of it as cancer. If your doctor diagnoses you with cancer tomorrow, would you say, “Let me think about removing it. I’ve had this skin for a long time. It’s really not that bad.” No! You’d remove it immediately. You’d cut it out. Why wouldn’t you do that when it comes to your past life?
This doesn’t mean that you should never spend time around unbelievers and seek to share the gospel with the lost. Of course you should. But for recovering addicts, you need to let other people be the ones to share the gospel with your old crowd. As my foolishness proved, it’s unwise to think you’re going to go back and share the gospel with your friends when you’re a brand-new recovering addict. You’ll find yourself, like me, drinking margaritas and sharing the gospel before noon.
The first step you need to take is to get rid of your phone, change your number, and detach from your former friends. From experience in counseling people in recovery, I know this is the hardest step. For me, it was very difficult because I rationalized, “You don’t understand. I lived with these people. I grew up with them. We partied together. We traveled together. We fought together. I can’t just leave them.”
All of those reasons were true; however, I was in no state to help anyone. I needed help. Distractions were my downfall. I was on a chair trying to pull people up out of the pit to be with me, but as with anyone standing on a chair, it’s easier to pull someone off than pull someone up.
For three weeks, I had zero friends. I went from being the king of the club scene to king of nothing. I spent my days driving around town listening to Christian music and my nights reading the Bible. As I’ve described, my prayers were answered when Julie from college called me out of the blue to invite me to a Bible study led by T-Bone.
The rest is history. Trust that the Lord will bring people into your life to encourage, edify, and support you in his timing.
3. Stop Enabling
[This section is addressed to the relatives of an addict.]
If you trace the root of a perpetual drug problem, you can always find an enabler. Normally, it’s the mother, wife, or husband of the addict. In my case, it was my dad. No parent sets out to contribute to the downfall and eventual death of a person. In their minds, they are helping them by paying for bills, providing money for gas, or giving them a place to stay with no strings attached. Love is the driving force behind the help; however, kindness, in this case, is seen as a weakness. And the addict will prey on that weakness to keep getting access to drugs.
During my addiction, I was a master manipulator, saying or doing anything to get money for drugs. “Robby, I thought you paid your cell phone bill two weeks ago.”
“Sure, Dad, but this bill is for overcharges. I need it now—I can’t wait.”
Nothing got in the way of feeding the insatiable desire I had to get high.
Family members believe they are extending love by helping, but what they are doing is perpetuating the drug addiction. Addicts will never desire help unless they have hit rock bottom. You create a bottom for them by cutting them off, kicking them out, and not paying their bills.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the only tactic for getting the attention of a person consumed with an addiction.
The reason this works is that addicts will always try to find another avenue to get high. When you cut off all roads, seeking help becomes the only choice.
When my parents kicked me out, it saved my life. It was the hardest three months of their lives, and they’ll tell you that. But it was the best thing for me. I knew that I couldn’t fix myself. Eventually I turned to Jesus.
Don’t forget this: If you keep being their savior, Jesus never can be. Give them over to God and trust him.
4. Rehab Treatment
I have never seen anyone beat an addiction without going to some form of rehab. I’ve literally counseled hundreds of people over the last sixteen years—I get calls and emails each week—and I’ve yet to meet someone who has experienced long-term
