“I had an accident over the weekend, that’s all.”
“What kind of accident?”
“Look, I didn’t ask you to meet me here because I wanted to talk about a little cut on my cheek.”
“Then what did you want to talk to me about?”
I open my mouth but shut it, not sure yet how I want to continue. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, ever since leaving Walter’s study, but then again maybe that’s not true. Maybe I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. The only problem is I’ve never had a real job a day in my life and there is a part of me that thinks a nine-to-five will forever be beyond my grasp.
“You said before that Ryan could get me a job at his firm, right?”
Java the Hut is a small coffee shop located in Georgetown. Very bohemian, it has artwork by local artists dotting the walls. My sister has a piece hanging here she made over a year ago, an abstract with a crow standing in the middle of a deserted Times Square. I have to admit it’s not bad, but it’s not great either, and the price tag on the thing has forced it to keep its place on the wall. I know Ryan tried buying it one time, just to cheer Tina up, but Tina had found out about it and forced him to take it back. Now here it hangs, looking right over our table, where Tina has lifted her large cup of coffee to her mouth to take a sip but now pauses, staring back at me over the brim.
She sets the cup down, slowly, and says, “Are you being serious?”
I nod.
She keeps staring at me, her eyes narrowed. “This isn’t one of your lame jokes?”
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep working for the Haddens. I mean, the only reason they hired me in the first place was because Walter and Dad worked together. I’m getting, I don’t know, just tired of the whole thing.”
My sister smiles a small smile. “Not ready for kids yet, huh?”
“Look, you said before he could get me something. An entry-level position or whatever. At this point I don’t care what it is.”
“McDonald’s is always hiring.”
Truth is, I’d probably prefer working at a fast-food chain making fries and burgers more than sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day.
I say, smiling, “Quit being a bitch, Tina.”
The boys pause in their video games to give their Aunt Holly a wide-eyed look.
“Don’t swear in front of the boys,” Tina says, her teeth gritted but smiling nonetheless.
“Okay, but first don’t be a bitch.”
Tina turns to Matthew and Max, tells them to go back to their video games. Then she turns back to me, leans forward, and says, “What’s gotten into you?”
“You know what? Never mind.” I push my coffee away, start to stand. “Sorry I asked you to meet me here in the first place.”
Tina reaches out, grabs my arm.
“If you’re being one hundred percent serious,” she says, “then yes, of course I’ll talk to Ryan and of course he’ll set something up. If this is, you know, what you really want.”
It’s not what I really want, but then again I don’t know what it is I really want.
“It is.”
“Then I’ll talk to him tonight.”
She lets go of my arm and I reach into my purse, find a couple dollars, toss them down on the table.
“You’re leaving already?” Tina asks.
“Yeah, I have to run.” I walk over and kiss both boys on the forehead, tell them goodbye, and then I turn to say goodbye to my sister but pause when I think of something else. “Also … I’m sorry for not being the greatest sister in the world. I’m sorry for, you know, being difficult all the time.”
Tina frowns at me. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?”
“Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I’ll talk to you later.”
I start walking again, past my sister. I reach the door when Tina catches up with me.
“Holly, what’s gotten into you?”
What’s gotten into me is my life is falling apart. I got one of my team members killed and now it looks like I won’t be doing the only thing in the world I know and am good at. And the one person in the world who I could somewhat trust, the only person I’ve slept with for the past two years, is dating someone he’s in love with and I have nobody right now, absolutely nobody except my family, and even they don’t know the real me.
“I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”
“About what?”
“I have to go, Tina.”
My sister stares at me, biting her lower lip like she’s thinking of saying something. Then she nods and says, “It was good seeing you. We should do this more often.”
“Yeah, we should.”
We stand there then, neither one of us saying anything. Finally my sister forces a smile and heads back to the table. I turn away and push open the door. I step out onto the sidewalk and just stand there for a moment and watch the cars and the people going by, and even though I know they’re there, I feel like that crow in my sister’s painting, trapped in colors on a canvas that nobody wants to buy.
Nineteen
My apartment complex is located in Fairland, a good fifteen miles southwest of D.C. It’s a little one-bedroom on the third floor. The elevator is almost always being “serviced,” which forces me to take the stairs.
It’s no exception today.
I trudge up the steps to the third floor. I already have my keys in my hand. I’m thinking about my meeting with Tina,
