“I do not think Atlanta sees it that way,” I admitted. “She is afraid of me now. She ran from me. I fear she will not wish to see me again, let alone—”
“Apex. Be reasonable. The human is a strange creature, but our particular human is not a simpleton.”
“True.” Atlanta was far from an idiot. She was smart to be afraid of me. Right to be, even.
“She is in shock right now, I am sure. But that will abate with time. You are a killer, yes, but you killed for her. She can be brought to see that.”
“I am not so sure of that.”
“Let me make myself clearer,” Idria said, her voice suddenly a shade colder. “You must make her see that. Do whatever it takes. Gain her confidence, her trust. Show her that you are more than just a killer. You are an honorable warrior, fighting to protect her.”
“Am I?” The question was a rhetorical one, but Idria did not seem to care.
“It does not matter, does it?” Idria smirked. “You are a specter, which means you are whatever I say you are. You do whatever I tell you to. Correct?”
I wanted to spit. I wanted to grit my teeth.
Instead, I just nodded.
“Correct.”
“Good. So, when the time comes, all that matters is what you can make her believe. Whatever it takes, Apex. Always whatever it takes.”
I waited until nightfall to return to our room. In the hall, I passed Ronan, who gave me a serene nod before he slipped away into the dark once more.
Good. She was inside. And so too, behind that door was the possibility of success or failure. My future. My fate.
I entered slowly. I wanted her to be able to anticipate my every move. Atlanta was sitting on the bed, just as beautiful as ever. But her eyes were nearly as pink as her hair. Her cheeks were flushed and streaked with tears.
“You have been crying.” I moved to the center of the room and placed myself before her. I did not go to her, though I longed to. Blood—all I wanted to do was take her into my arms, wipe the tears from her eyes and tell her that everything would be all right.
“I’m fine.” She rubbed her eyes and sniffed, blinking her last few tears away. “You’re covered in dirt, though. And blood.”
“I am fine,” I echoed.
“No. Look. You’ve even got twigs in your hair.” She rose and moved to me. As she reached for my head, I dipped down so she could pluck the offending greenery from my hair.
It felt like bowing down to a queen.
“I am sorry I scared you. It was not my intent.”
“I know. I know. I just…” Atlanta threw the twigs to the floor and shook her head. “I don’t know what to make of you sometimes, Apex. One moment, you’re gentle as a lamb and kissing me like we’re two teenagers in love. The next…”
“You think we are in love?” My eyes brightened at her words and a teasing smile found my lips.
She laughed humorlessly. “I didn’t mean literally. I’m just trying to say that it’s easy to forget. Who you are. What you can do.”
“And who am I?” It was the second time I’d asked it that day, but this time, I was actually interested in the answer.
“You’re…you’re you.” Atlanta hugged herself and shrugged. “You do things for reasons I only understand hours after you’ve done them—if I understand them at all. You’re sweet. You’re generous. You’re dangerous. You’re deadly. Sometimes it changes in an instant. Sometimes you’re all of it, all at once.”
“I am not dangerous for you,” I told her, and meant it. Whatever other lies I was forced to live, at least that was not among them.
“Are you sure about that?” She rubbed her arms, as though she was trying to comfort herself.
Let me comfort you instead, I wanted to beg her. On the bed with my mouth. In the shower. Wherever you want. Whatever you want. But as happy as I was certain Lady Idria would have been at my eagerness, it was not right of me to say those things. It was not my place to offer them.
“I will never hurt you, Atlanta,” I told her instead. “I would kill a million others like Razael and Votan if I needed to. If it had to be done, to keep you safe, and I will admit, I would not even hesitate to, nor would I regret it. But you…”
“I don’t have to worry about you. Is that it?”
“You do not.” On my honor. On my life.
“Then why does my heart speed up like I’m a terrified little bunny rabbit and you’re some kind of bird of prey every time we’re in the same room together?”
I tried not to smirk as I imagined what a bun-knee rab-et might be. Something small and vulnerable, apparently. In my mind, it had long, thick, luscious fur. Bright pink.
“If you truly fear me still, after all this time, then I have not done right by you, Atlanta. For that, I am truly sorry.” I reached for my dagger, slowly, and did not miss the way she flinched as I unsheathed it. Her eyes widened as I turned the handle around in my hand and held it by the blade to offer it to her. “Take it, then. Let us set this right now.”
“I don’t know what you mean, Apex. You’re not making any sense.”
I reached for her hand and curled her fingers tightly around the blade’s hilt. Her grip would need to be strong.
“Take it,” I said again. When she hesitated, I moved the dagger for her. I only let my own fingers slip away from it when the blade was pressed firmly against my throat. “And do what you will.”
“I don’t want to kill you, Apex.” There was fear in her eyes again now, but fear of a different kind. Of the power I had just given her, maybe. Maybe, she
