Numbly, I listened to Mom prattle on, debating whether or not to turn the job down like she told me to. I needed that job. I wanted that job. But was she right, that by accepting it, accepting the recommendations from people like Professor Kent, I was trapping myself into a world where I only mattered in the connections to men I could make? Did I risk living in a situation that would leave me as bitter and hollow as my mother?
By the time we left graduation, me taking my Mom back to her hotel, I’d made a decision. I would never allow a man to be my savior, and I would never allow the appeal of comfort or a man to override my desire to be self-sufficient. No matter what, I didn’t want to be her.
As my sleepy eyes opened, I let myself acknowledge for the first time it really wasn’t true. I had wanted to be her, just not the bitter, cynical side. I wanted to stay home with kids, be pregnant and barefoot and looking after my man. To be fair, I would have traded almost anything for not being surrounded by the Caterri and harassed, but this was different. If you had dug down to my deepest desire, what I wanted was to be a stay-at-home mom who looked after her kids and loved them and her partner.
Inwardly, I laughed. If only my mother could see me now. She would have been sick to her stomach at what I said to N’Ashtar, what I thought about him. To her, men were a currency to be used, nothing more. I had to let him go, had to forget about him. Even if he saved me, nothing could come of it.
No matter how much I wanted it to.
9
N’Ashtar
A loud shout woke me. My heart immediately started racing, surprise throwing me into alertness. I stayed low to the ground, remembering that I had been sleeping on the path the Caterri were to take for the day and there was a chance they could spot me. When I straightened up some, I could see the Caterri moving as a group, except they had stopped. One of their warriors seemed caught up in one of the pit traps, and when I flicked my tongue out, I could taste blood.
While the injured warrior stood up, it was still proof that the traps might work. That I could take out some of the Caterri without direct combat. I still didn’t enjoy the idea, but Dana’s safety came before all. I would have died for her, but she had made it clear she didn’t want that. Her concern did make my heart thump faster, although I tried not to think about it.
I watched them continue, one tripping or falling every ten handspans or so. My father’s voice was thundering through my mind, reminding me that I was abandoning my tribe for the sake of a human female. That I was abandoning my people for a matter of cock. I was obviously not thinking clearly, that I needed to return and give up on that female and become the dutiful N’Akron male I was supposed to be. Yet if I did that, it was likely I would never see Dana again, and that was not okay.
My mother, of course, hadn’t spoken, just watched with mild sympathy. She wouldn’t risk speaking against my father, especially not in public. No, she needed to keep on his good side to remain safe. Like we did with the Caterri.
My actions would end the pretense of peace between us, both between the Caterri and the N’Akron, and between my father and me. Dana was worth it, though. She was worth everything I was doing. I didn’t know how I knew that, just that I did. If everything fell through, as long as she was safe, we could find a cave of our own and stay there, safe from the others and the Caterri while we planned our attack. If I couldn’t go home to N’Akkar, we would find a place to stay anyway. We would survive.
I followed the Caterri at a distance, my mind wandering. We had traveled far enough away that I knew we were not far from where the K’lait tribe kept a scout, but I was doubting myself. I still wasn’t certain how I was going to handle N’thim or his substitute when it came to it in three days. Would he consider Dana enough proof, or would he need something more? I didn’t think there was any way I could simply trade a female for the information.
Besides, if I did, Dana would behead me.
Would other tribes demand the same of me? Did they all want something before they would believe my story? A glance at the Caterri told me they were still plodding along, and when I moved closer, I could hear the familiar tones of Dana insulting them. I was walking to strains of ‘you bug-licking, vampire-fucking assholes’, whatever that was. Humans seemed to be remarkably creative when it came to their swear words.
As I trotted east, I let my mind wander again, something I quickly regretted. For the second time in a few days, I was caught off guard because my mind had wandered onto Dana and didn’t want to go anywhere else. A hard body slammed into mine, rolling me over and pinning me down. Or attempting to, anyway.
I threw them off me, quickly moving to a crouching position, tasting the air as best I could with my air-burned tongue. It wasn’t a Caterri, although I couldn’t identify exactly which tribe of N’Akron it was with my ability to smell so compromised. If I had to bet, I had found the K’lait scout.
“Who are you and what do you do?”
Definitely a scout. The voice was male and young, and a quick look at him confirmed that. Then there was a knife at my throat, which I hadn’t expected. While it had been
