“You doing okay,” Cowboy asked, as he approached the open cockpit door.
Sitting in the pilot seat, Danny looked away from the preflight checklist he knew from heart and hadn’t been focusing on. He’d rather been staring at it while his thoughts swirled in his fear-clogged mind. To prevent Cowboy from seeing the truth in his eyes, Danny quickly refocused on his checklist and went back to inspecting the instrument panel.
“I’m fine,” he responded tersely.
“Ya know,” Cowboy nearly drawled, “I remember when you were in pilot training and you wanted HIS to get their own helo, so we could move faster.”
He had spoken with Cowboy about that. A fantasy of sorts since he’d never expected the Hamilton brothers to actually purchase a helicopter. He’d wanted it for all the reasons his nerves were on edge today. With a helicopter, the teams could improve response times.
Before, Danny relished that he could be the one to get the teams into action, speeding up their chance for rescue or op success. It hadn’t been a power trip. It’d been that he finally offered something valuable to HIS.
He’d never considered something like the situation on his flight evaluation could happen. Sure, he studied and trained on potential emergencies, but he could’ve gotten the two of them killed. If they hadn’t had the clear space, he wouldn’t be here to allow his anxiety to eat at his gut.
Danny didn’t respond, but that didn’t stop his vocal friend.
“You’ve gotta know we trust you.” Cowboy sighed loudly and continued, “What happened to the confident pilot I knew?”
Blood boiling, Danny snapped his gaze to Cowboy’s. “He almost died and took someone else’s life with him. Now I’ve got an entire team depending on me not to kill them. If I do, there’s no telling what’ll happen to Moira.”
“Well, hell, that’s all?”
Danny couldn’t believe he was wasting valuable time with this discussion. He turned away to finish. Just a few more checks before he got the rotors going. Then a few more items on the checklist and they’d be ready to hit the sky.
That thought tightened the coil within his body.
“You survived. So did the FAA guy.”
“But we almost didn’t,” Danny spat out. Didn’t Cowboy get it? And the fact the team trusted him bothered the heck out of him. They didn’t seem to grasp shit could go wrong while in the air and the ground tends to be a long way down.
“Danny, stop for a second and talk to me.”
He automatically stopped. He couldn’t remember Cowboy ever calling him by his first name. Looking down to the landing pad at his friend, Danny nodded. “Go ahead.”
“Let me ask you this. If an airplane pilot had an emergency and successfully landed the plane, would you fly with him or her?”
He nodded. “Sure. It shows they can handle themselves under pressure.” Something began to turn in his mind, but he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, grasp it.
“Okay. If someone had been in a car accident and survived, would you ride with them again?”
“That depends on if they were drunk driving.”
“Good point, but not where I’m going,” Cowboy said.
Danny had a good idea where his friend was going, and he wasn’t sure he could get there.
“Your accident was a mechanical failure. It happens. But you saved both lives on board and even the aircraft. That’s an impressive feat.” Cowboy put his hands in his front pockets. “Look, I know you have an uncle who crashed with your cousin aboard.”
Danny started at that. It wasn’t something he’d ever shared. In fact, he hadn’t been thinking about it. He stiffened his back. Or had he subconsciously been thinking about how his uncle’s helicopter had stalled and there had been no chance of recovery? Now that he considered it, the situation had been eerily similar, except Danny had been closer to the ground and kept the engine from stalling.
“I also know,” Cowboy continued, “that your father flew a lot of hours with no mishap. His memory pushed you to become a pilot. He believed in the pilot he knew you’d become. Be that pilot for us today.” With that, his friend walked away.
Time was ticking, so Danny shelved those words and turned back and began turning on switches to get them in the air.
With everyone onboard, Danny tried not to hurl at the pressure he’d imposed upon himself. After a quick comms check, he took a deep breath and allowed practiced movements to take control. Unexpected exhilaration filled him as the helicopter lifted from the landing pad.
In the air, he pushed the throttle to keep them safe but pushed the line to make up time with cautious speed. Being airborne cleared his head. Not necessarily clear, but it gave him time to think about all Cowboy had said to him. While he understood where his friend’s statements came from, he couldn’t just turn from fear to confidence. Maybe he could find somewhere in between the two.
He’d completed a thorough preflight. He was prepared to react if something occurred in flight. Knowing those two things did restore his confidence somewhat. He shuddered at the thought of a stall. The chance of that system failure occurring was small—tiny—so he couldn’t allow that fear to drive him.
The feeling when he took off reminded him of how much he loved flying. Not just flying, but being in control. That was the reason he decided to become a pilot and not a passenger.
Allowing some knots to ease within him, Danny decided he’d had enough of his self-loathing on his evaluation flight. He may be a newer pilot, but he knew his job. He couldn’t control the machinery on a bird, but he could prepare for equipment failures through practice in a simulator.
While he couldn’t see himself not worrying about the potential to kill his crew—his uncle had done it as had other nameless pilots—he could be the pilot
