Taking a breath, I press on his message and mentally prepare myself.
Sebastian – Can we talk? I miss you, O.
I find myself staring at the message. One minute passes and it turns into two. Before I know it, I’ve been staring down at my phone for at least five minutes and I still have no idea what to do. Do I message back? Do I tell him that I miss him so freaking bad that it hurts? Do I ignore it? Why does it have to hurt like this?
I want them back in my life so desperately, but they betrayed me. They lied, they did the one thing I never thought they’d do. Sure, they’ve kept things from me before but it was never an outright lie. They’ve been deep in the Black Widows since before I knew them and I always knew that there were some things that they weren’t going to share with me. They kept that part of their lives concealed in an attempt to protect me from it, but this was my father, my life. How am I supposed to forgive and forget that?
I quickly realize that I'm going to have to do something unless I’d prefer to stand here awkwardly in the middle of the staff quarters staring at my phone. But what?
Sucking up the courage, I allow my finger to move over the keyboard
Ocean – I miss you too.
Delete.
Ocean – Talk? How am I ever supposed to talk to you again? You lied to me.
Delete.
Fuck. I need to be real with him.
Ocean – I want to forgive you, Sebastian. I want to forgive you so freaking bad, but I can’t. It hurts too much. I don’t trust you anymore…
Taking a breath, I read over the message four times before I remember that my balls are supposedly made of steel and hit send. The text sends and I find myself staring again, looking down at the phone and anxiously waiting for his reply, knowing damn well that my words would have cut deep.
After ten minutes of waiting, I realize that no reply is coming and for some reason, it kills me just a little bit more. I hate knowing when my boys are hurting. Shit, I really need to stop calling them that. They're not my boys anymore. They belong whole-heartedly to the Widows. The four boys I thought I knew don’t exist anymore.
I take myself out to the pool house and quickly change into a comfortable pair of sweats and a white tank, but as I’m rummaging through my clothes drawer, my hand curls around the red Widows bandana that I’d stolen from Nic.
Everything crushes inside of me.
Fuck, I miss them.
I can’t keep breaking down every time I find something that reminds me of them, otherwise, I’ll never survive this. I need to be stronger.
For some reason, the bandana gets tied over my hair and I make a quick knot in the back. Who knows? Maybe this is my way of being close to them without actually seeing them.
Trying to keep my mind off all my problems, I dive deep into my homework, and as much as I’d prefer to be doing anything but this, I don’t emerge from the pool house until every last bit of it is complete.
I head back into the Carrington mansion with a plan to work all night, as long as it takes until my brain stops circling around the boys. And to think this all started because my father sold me to a billionaire.
What was his fucking problem? Who sells their child like that? No wonder he ended up dead. I can only imagine the other shady things he would have done over the years.
The reminder of my father’s wrongdoings has me moving through the mansion with a mission. I can’t be owned by someone. Hell, I doubt I’ll ever get married just for the sake of not having myself tied to someone else so permanently. What’s the point of marriage anyway? It’s just some piece of paper stating that you’re officially together with a no return policy.
Fuck that. I like my freedom. Don’t get me wrong, I have no aversion to commitment. Hell, I plan on being as committed as I can to Colton as long as he does the same for me, but this bitch won’t be signing on a dotted line. At the same time, the idea of being his wife … that hits differently.
I find myself standing in the doorway of Colton’s office. It's after seven at night and he sits at his desk with a single lamp, the only light in the room. It’s almost as though he’s been so busy working away that he didn’t even notice when the sun went down and certainly had no time to get up and flip the light switch.
Leaning against the door frame, I silently watch him do what he does best. “Are you going to come in or are you just going to stand there and stare at me all night?”
“I don’t mind staring,” I tell him, my lips lifting into an amused smirk.
Colton finally glances up and I watch as he leans back in his desk chair and puts his hands behind his back. His muscles bulge in his shirt and everything south of the border clenches. How it is possible for one man to have so much sex appeal? It shouldn’t be legal.
“What do you need, Jade?”
I raise a brow as I continue studying him. God, there’s so much I need from him right now and from the cocky smirk spreading across his face, he’s well aware of it. “Do you have a few minutes?
