I wipe my tears across his shirt and take a deep breath, desperately trying to calm myself. I can’t allow my emotions to get the best of me, otherwise, we’re going to sit here on this stupid couch all day long and get nowhere. “I don’t know who you are anymore,” I admit. “This new version of you is terrifying. You’ve never put your hands on me before and all of a sudden, you’re grabbing me every chance you get. The old Nic would have killed anyone who even thought about touching me like that, but you … I don’t know. You’re different now. I miss the old Nic. I miss my friend.”
“I’m still that guy,” he urges. “I swear to you, Ocean. I’m still him. I’m just going through some shit. Losing you to that world and then losing my father and taking over the Widows. It’s a lot, and I know my excuses aren’t going to validate how I treated you, but trust me, the boys have made sure that I’ve been paying for it. I know you’re not speaking to them right now either, but we’re all still in your fucking corner. They made sure I knew how fucking badly I fucked up.”
I dry my eyes and pull out of his arms, hating the way he watches me with such need. It’s as though my words hold the power to either make or break him and that power terrifies me. No one should hold that kind of power over another. “You really did fuck up, Nic,” I tell him, not holding back. “You showed me the real you. The dark one that you always promised to protect me from. In that warehouse … those men were forced to their knees and you brutally slit their throats. You looked right at me, Nic. You knew I was there. You should have sent me away, but you didn’t. You opened my world to your darkness, you brought me into that and when I look at you now, I see that man, I don’t see the gentle loving guy that would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and protect me from the world. I see that cold-blooded killer, the one who lies and is surrounded by darkness and misery.”
Nic lets out a heavy breath and leans forward onto his knees, staring ahead at the coffee table. “I don’t know how to make it right, Ocean.”
His confession slices straight through me and I fall back against the couch, both of us content to sit in complete silence. When the heaviness finally begins to fade between us, he leans back and pulls me into his arms again. “I tried to come and see you the other day,” he tells me. “I’ve actually tried a few times but I talk myself out of it each time knowing you’ll just send me away. I got as far as the outskirts of Bellevue Springs yesterday.”
“Why didn’t you just keep going?”
“You needed time, Ocean. The things I’ve done … they’re not just going to go away. I’ve hurt you too much.”
“You have.”
“I’m glad you finally came around.”
“I didn’t,” I admit. “I wasn’t ready. I was content with letting you guys sweat it but Colton saw how much I was hurting and pushed me to come. He doesn’t like seeing me like that, but he was right. I needed to be here and fix what’s been broken.”
Nic raises a brow. “He sent you here to talk?” I nod and Nic lets out a frustrated breath. “I guess I can’t be mad at that, huh?” he grumbles. “I hate that you felt like you couldn’t come here though.”
“You lied about my dad, Nic. You murdered two guys in front of me and then became possessively jealous and hurt me. I needed time to breathe, but so did you.”
His hand drops to rest on top of mine. “I did,” he says. “I’m not going to lie to you anymore, O. I’m still insanely jealous. I hate that you’re with him and I hate the light that shines in your eyes whenever he’s around. You’re falling for him and I’m terrified that when that happens, you’re going to forget about us. I still stand by my word, O. You belong here with me.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” I admit. “You are right though, I am falling for him, but where you’re wrong—I’ll never forget about you. You guys are my home, my family. Just because I’m away from you right now, doesn’t mean that I’m not still here.”
Nic makes a soft sound, clearly not agreeing with what I’ve just said. “He’s going to take you away from me.”
I shake my head against his warm chest as I listen to the sound of his beating heart. “No,” I whisper. “He knows you guys make me happy, that’s why he sent me here. Don’t get me wrong, he hates you. He could kill you for the way you’ve treated me over the past few weeks but he’ll never hold me back from you because he knows how much I love you.”
He grumbles under his breath and I let out a sigh, more than ready to move along. “Why did you lie about my father for all those years?”
“It wasn’t my decision,” he tells me. “It was your father’s and I respected it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look,” he says, giving it to me straight. “I’m not going
